3 Mindsets to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Previously we talked about the common causes of insecurity.  Today, I’d like to share 3 mindsets that I personally use to overcome comparisons (an ongoing problem I deal with).  Comparing yourself to others is probably one of the most common causes of insecurity.  Even Jesus’ disciples compared themselves to each other.

“Then his disciples began arguing about which of them was the greatest.” Luke 9:46 (NLT) 

There’s always an opportunity to compare ourselves to others.  There’s always somebody “better” in one way or another.  I have caught myself comparing my house to a friend’s when I’ve attended a Bunco night or a bible study or envying a friend’s job because she was able to travel whereas I wasn’t able to.  I’ve even compared my gifts and talents to someone else’s because I didn’t think I was as talented as they were.  The truth behind it though was that I was using poor standards of measurement.  I measured myself against other people.  It’s an easy trap to fall into.

I have found that if I adjusted my thinking in three different areas, it was much easier to stop comparing myself to others.  The areas where I had to adjust my thinking were:

• Using other people as my standard of measurement
• Comparing unequally and taking the “unseen” into account
• Realizing uniqueness in each individual and that each person plays different roles

Mindset #1 to stop comparing yourself to others: Don’t use other people as your standard of measurement.

“We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.” 2 Corinthians 10:12 (NIV)

“Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.” Galatians 6:4 (NLT)

Using other people as our standard of measurement won’t give us an accurate calculation of ourselves because we are in essence measuring against something else that is also faulty or flawed.  Those people we compare ourselves to are far from perfect!  I have some walls in my house that are uneven.  When I hang a picture and use the wall, corner or doorframe as a guide, my picture is always uneven and not level to the floor because the walls themselves are flawed and not perfectly level.  Just like my old house walls, other people are imperfect too and when we measure ourselves against them we will always seem a little off or crooked.  There is only one flawless standard of measurement: the Bible.  There is only one perfect person: Jesus Christ.  Everyone else falls short.

“We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are. For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.” Romans 3:22-23 (NLT)

Nobody really measures up.  We ALL fall short of God’s standard.  Instead of comparing, place your faith in Jesus Christ.  Placing your faith in Jesus makes you right again.  Know that God accepts and loves you even though you don’t measure up to His perfect standard.

“But God shows and clearly proves His [own] love for us by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One) died for us.” Romans 5:8 (AMP)

Mindset #2 to stop comparing yourself to others:  Realize that comparing yourself to others is an uneven comparison because there are things under the surface that you can never know.

One of my favorite quotes of all time is by Pastor Steven Furtick:  “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes to everybody else’s highlight reel.”

When we compare, we see our worst and the other’s best.  It’s not an equal comparison (apples to oranges so to speak).  Also, everyone else has different gifts, talents and callings than we do (see mindset #3).  We may very well be comparing our weakness to their strength.  Even if they have the same gift (i.e. I may compare myself to another teacher or writer and feel inferior), they may be further along in their calling and in cultivating their gift than we are.  That’s not a fair comparison.  We also never know what goes on behind the scenes or what a person had to go through to get to where they are.  I’m positive that there has been many occasion where someone might look at me and say “wow, she has it all together!” and I’m thinking to myself, “oh, if you only knew…” Take my pageant experience for example—I was all put together on the outside, but on the inside I was very broken.  I have also discovered that my friend’s beautiful house that I envied may really be a home filled with strife while my old, not-as-nice home is a place of peace and joy.  That job that I coveted for the travel might have left my friend tired, lonely and longing for home.  Those talents that I wished I had won’t even compare to where my own gifts will take me if I’ll only focus on them and cultivate them.  Instead of comparing, understand that there may be things behind the scenes that make your comparisons invalid.  If you really knew everything and saw the whole picture, you may not even want what the other person has.  Sometimes things are not always as they seem.

“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves.” Matthew 7:15 (ESV)

“But the lord said to Samuel, ‘Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the lord looks at the heart.’” 1 Samuel 16:7 (NLT)

Mindset #3 to stop comparing yourself to others:  Realize that every single person is unique and has a special purpose to fulfill in this life.

We are all made unique for a reason.  We all have a purpose to fulfill.  We cannot fulfill somebody else’s purpose or vice-versa.  You are already a masterpiece, and there’s no need to compare one masterpiece to another!  Each masterpiece is individually special in its own way.  The bible describes our gifts and our unique purposes like parts of a body.  The human body has many parts, and each part is vital and serves a purpose.  Each part is also specifically placed by God where it is supposed to be and where it will do the most good.  These individual parts are designed to work together.  One part doesn’t try to do the job of another (i.e. I don’t shove something up my nose to see what it looks like—that’s what my eyes are for!).

“Yes, the body has many different parts, not just one part. If the foot says, “I am not a part of the body because I am not a hand,” that does not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear says, “I am not part of the body because I am not an eye,” would that make it any less a part of the body? If the whole body were an eye, how would you hear? Or if your whole body were an ear, how would you smell anything? But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. How strange a body would be if it had only one part! Yes, there are many parts, but only one body. The eye can never say to the hand, “I don’t need you.” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you.” In fact, some parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are actually the most necessary. And the parts we regard as less honorable are those we clothe with the greatest care. So we carefully protect those parts that should not be seen, while the more honorable parts do not require this special care. So God has put the body together such that extra honor and care are given to those parts that have less dignity. This makes for harmony among the members, so that all the members care for each other. If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad. All of you together are Christ’s body, and each of you is a part of it.” 1 Corinthians 12:14-27 (NLT)

We are all parts of the body of Christ here on earth.  We are all unique for a reason, and we each have a very important, individual part to play.  Instead of comparing, realize your uniqueness, and know that no one can ever fulfill the role that God intended especially for you.  You are special and irreplaceable!

In conclusion, understand these realizations:

1. Nobody really measures up.  We ALL fall short of God’s standard.
2. We are not really making equal comparisons. Things are not always as they seem.
3. We are all unique for a reason, and we each have a very important, individual part to play.

These realizations will enable us to stop comparing or at least to keep things in perspective when we do fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others.

Practical Step:  Think about some of the comparisons that you have made.  Now tell yourself—“They don’t measure up to God’s standard either. I don’t really know all that they’ve had to do or go through to get to where they are, and I never know what they might be dealing with personally right now either. Lastly, I’m still pretty special because God has a very good and very specific purpose and plan for my life, and I’m going to find that and work toward that to the very best of my ability with God’s help!  I’m going to do my part and not worry about anybody else’s.  If I pay careful attention to my own actions and behaviors, I will have the satisfaction of a job well done.  Someday I will hear the God of heaven say ‘Well done, good and faithful servant.’”

What comparison traps do you tend to fall into? What new mindset will help you the most?  Leave a comment below. 

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