4 Things to Do With Your Anger

I mentioned in last week’s post that I was stewing in a little bit of nasty anger recently. The anger itself wasn’t necessarily the problem. Anger is a normal emotion. It’s not a sin. It’s how I was handling it and reacting and what I did with and after the anger that was displeasing to God and unhelpful to me.

“Be angry and do not sin…” Ephesians 4:26a (ESV)

“Be angry and do not sin; on your bed, reflect in your heart and be still. Selah” Psalm 4:4 (HCSB)

“Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.” James 1:20 (NLT)

Even God and Jesus got angry…

“God is an honest judge. He is angry with the wicked every day.” Psalm 7:11 (NLT)

“They even sacrificed their own sons and daughters in the fire. They consulted fortune-tellers and practiced sorcery and sold themselves to evil, arousing the LORD’s anger. Because the LORD was very angry with Israel, he swept them away from his presence. Only the tribe of Judah remained in the land.” 2 Kings 17:17-18 (NLT)

“But God shows his anger from heaven against all sinful, wicked people who suppress the truth by their wickedness.” Romans 1:18 (NLT)

“And he looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, and said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was restored.” Mark 3:5 (ESV)

“When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled.” John 11:33 (NLT)

“Jesus entered the Temple and began to drive out all the people buying and selling animals for sacrifice. He knocked over the tables of the money changers and the chairs of those selling doves.” Matthew 21:12 (NLT)

This advice about anger that my friend heard once…

About a month or so ago I was talking with a friend about some of the things that were frustrating me. I knew she would understand and have some good wisdom to offer because she had gone through some similar frustrations. As we were talking, she started telling me a story about a conversation between her and her husband.

Her husband was angry about something, and she was telling him about this speaker that she had heard once talking about the things that make you angry. She mentioned how this speaker said that we should pay attention to those things that make us angry because sometimes that anger burns within us to encourage us to be the one to do something about it. Her husband asked her who that speaker was because it sounded like a podcast that he needed to go listen to also. As I was sitting there listening to her tell this story, I thought to myself, “Yeah! Who was this speaker? It sounds like I need to hear this too!”

Then, she said, “I told him the speaker was my friend Tracy Robbins.” I think I might have frowned at her quizzically then, thinking “When did I say that?” She went on to say, “That was something that stood out to me when you spoke at our women’s conference about discovering your purpose. You said that sometimes we can find a purpose in the things that make us angry, that maybe that anger is there for a reason so that we are the ones to make a difference in that situation or problem.” Oh my goodness. I really did say that. I remember it now. Holy cow…I guess I need to listen to my own teaching!

She told me the next steps to take with my anger

My friend was ever so gently reminding me of my own words to encourage me that I might have some purpose in this anger. Maybe instead of just sitting around being frustrated I was supposed to do something about it. Next, my friend went on to give me four things that I needed to do when I got angry. She said:

I’m not sure if you’re the one that is supposed to do something about this or not, but God knows.

1. You need to give your anger to God and then ask Him what you’re supposed to do with it.
2. Ask Him if you are supposed to talk to somebody about this situation or not.
3. If so, ask Him for the right person to talk to.
4. Then, ask Him for the right words to say to this person.

I knew the Holy Spirit was speaking wisdom to me directly through her words. When I got home, I wrote down what she said because I knew that it was important for me to remember. I also thought this advice was so wise that it might be helpful for you as well!

So, be careful with your anger, and don’t stew in it. There might (or might not) be a purpose for you in it, but you’ll need to go to God and possibly seek some counsel to find out. When you start to get frustrated and angry, seek God’s advice and direction on what to do next with that anger.

Take Some Practical Steps When You Deal With Anger:

• Pray about it first. Ask God what to do with the anger.

“Give it to God” so to speak. I know that sounds a little Christian-y, so what I do when I “give” something to God is just pray about it. I say, “God, This _____ is really bothering me, frustrating me and making me crazy, super angry. I don’t want to stay like this. I need your help. I’m giving these feelings to you and asking for your guidance in how to deal with them.”

Then sometimes I like to picture this giant hand coming down from heaven, and next I picture me placing whatever it is that is bothering me into that giant hand. After that I watch the giant hand take it away back up into the clouds. I visually give it to God. It’s no longer in my hands now but His.

• Ask God if you should vent or share it with someone.

Is it even necessary to talk about it at all? Sometimes it’s not, and God might just want you to keep your mouth shut (KMS). You want to make sure you’re not just spewing your venom. Additionally, you can’t always trust everyone with your feelings, especially vulnerable feelings like anger.

• If you do feel like you need to talk to someone about it, ask God who the right person is to discuss your anger with.

When venting (just getting your feelings off of your chest)… It’s okay to have someone (NOT 20 someones!) to vent to. However it’s important to remember when venting to get it off your chest and then let it go. Don’t stay there sulking in it. Don’t let it get toxic.

Don’t just go to anyone, but instead ask God to direct you to someone who not only validate you but also speak truth to you, even if it’s not what you want to hear. You want to make you aren’t gossiping and aren’t exacerbating your own feelings on the matter. You don’t want someone who is just going to fuel your anger fire even further and get you stirred up even more. The saying goes, “Misery loves company”…That’s the WRONG kind of person to go to in this situation!

When seeking advice/counsel… Ask God to show you someone who will give you godly counsel and wise feedback. You will want someone who will see things from several perspectives. Similar to venting, you are not just seeking out someone who will tell you what you want to hear but who will speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).

When seeking someone to help solve the problem… Ask God to direct you to the right person, someone who is actually able to do something about it. You want someone trustworthy and someone who not going to turn on you, make you look bad, or throw you under the bus. You want someone who has the authority or influence to actually make a difference.

• Ask God for the right words to say when speaking to someone else about your anger.

If you really want to make a difference or a change, you don’t want your anger to be taken the wrong way. Your words need to seek solutions, not just gripe. Pray that God would guard your mouth and direct your words, give you wisdom in what to say, to explain it clearly, and to direct your timing.

“Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.” Psalm 141:3 (NIV)

“Pray that I will proclaim this message as clearly as I should.” Colossians 4:4 (NLT)

“Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say.” Exodus 4:12 (NLT)

“…don’t worry about how to respond or what to say. God will give you the right words at the right time.” Matthew 10:19b (NLT)

• Finally, you might also be prepared for God to just say, “Let it go.”

Sometimes there’s a purpose in your anger…and sometimes it’s just an emotion. 

Have you found a purpose in some of your own anger? Tell us about it by leaving a comment below!

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If you know anyone that could benefit from this, please pay it forward!  Share this post via the sharing links below.  “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV)