Be Kind: Put On Your Kindness Hat!

We live in such a polarized world these days. Even people within their own “in-group” are at odds in many cases, Christians NOT being exempt from this. Strife abounds, and we don’t have to look far to find turmoil, political and social unrest, religious animosity, rudeness, incivility, and unkindness. The t-shirt and bumper sticker saying rings true: Mean people suck. God calls us to be different though. He calls us to a higher standard–to be kind, even when it’s undeserved. It’s high time we all put on our kindness hats!

Last week I created a resource page with scriptures about kindness and the kindness of God. Those scriptures will serve as a foundation for this post where we’ll discuss some of the characteristics of kindness and what being kind might look like in action, in addition to WHY we should be kind and HOW to be kind, especially when it’s not easy or might not come naturally.

Characteristics of kindness

In many New Testament scriptures about kindness or instructions to be kind, the original Greek language defines some of the characteristics of kindness that are relayed.

Some of the Greek words (stemming from the same root) include “chrestos”, “chrestotes”, and “chresteuomai”. The meanings and characteristics include things like…

• • Kindness, to be kind
  • Gentleness, to be gentle
  • Goodness, to be good
  • Graciousness, to be gracious or offer grace
  • to be considerate and thoughtful of others
  • to show oneself useful (in manner and morals)
  • excellence (in character or demeanor)
  • to act benevolently
  • to be friendly

In some scriptures, and in the original language, the word “kindness” is paired or interchanged with “gentle spirit” (“epiekes” in Greek). This carries the meaning of things like…

• • Gentle
  • Moderation
  • Patient
  • Mild
  • Appropriate (fair, equitable, reasonable)
  • to be considerate
  • to be kind
  • Reasonableness
  • Unselfishness
  • Forbearing Spirit
  • Graciousness
  • Mercy
  • Tolerance

Some verses in different translations can relay and expand in these characteristics and meanings:

“Be kind and helpful to one another, tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 (AMP)

“And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 (AMPC)

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” Galatians 5:22-23 (NLT) *See the similar characteristics that go hand in hand with kindness

“Your kindness should be known to all!” Philippians 4:5 (NAB)

“Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.” Philippians 4:5 (NLT)

“Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.” Philippians 4:5 (NIV)

God turns people around with kindness…We need to take a cue

A verse that has stood out to me for quite some time, and one that has honestly softened my heart a bit is about how God turns people around with kindness. His kindness leads to repentance.

“Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?” Romans 2:4 (NIV)

If God is kind to lead people to repentance, then I too, as a child of God, need to respond with kindness instead of being harsh. Harsh responses are usually never effective.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)

Unfortunately, harshness, unkindness, rudeness, and the like have become the norm. Christians should be different. We need to be like salt (Matthew 5:13) and live our lives in such a way that we make others thirsty for what we have and for God.  Our kindness should lead the way.

Love your neighbor = be kind to your neighbor

We are told that the greatest commandment is to love God and love others. In fact, Jesus says loving others will be a defining characteristic of his disciples. We’re even told to love our enemies and that even God is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked. We are told the characteristics of love in 1 Corinthians 13, and one of those is kindness.

“Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” Matthew 22:37-39 (NLT)

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35 (NIV)

“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” Romans 12:10 (ESV)

“Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.” Romans 13:8 (ESV)

“Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked.” Luke 6:35 (NLT)

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NLT)

Therefore, if love is kind and we are to love others, we must BE KIND to others as an act of the greatest commandment in scripture. Scriptures that say to love are also subsequently instructing us to be kind. We have to act kind in order to show love. Love must be demonstrated by our actions, not just our words.

“Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.” 1 John 3:18 (NLT)

Some reasons WHY we should be kind

There are numerous reasons we should be kind to others.

• When we are kind it helps us to be effective and productive in knowing Jesus.

“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith virtue; and to virtue, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities and continue to grow in them, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” 2 Peter 1:5-8 (BSB)

• We should be kind because God is kind, and we need to strive to be like him. See scriptures about God’s kindness here.

• We should be kind because our kindness may lead to a change in others. As stated earlier, If God is kind to lead people to repentance, then we can follow his example and respond with kindness instead of being harsh. Harsh responses are usually never effective. A harsh, cold, or stony demeanor drives people away and invites disrespect and defensiveness in return. A kind, soft and tender, gentle spirit is desirable and more attractive.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)

“And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” Ezekiel 36:26 (NLT)

“…even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” 1 Peter 3:1-4 (NLT)

“Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth.” 2 Timothy 2:25

• Kindness is a fruit of the spirit that should be naturally flowing out of our lives as a character trait of one of God’s children.

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” Galatians 5:22-23 (NLT)

• As stated previously, it’s a way to love and show love to others, thus fulfilling God’s commandment to love one another.

• Whatever we do for others, including being kind to them, is what we are doing for Jesus.

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’… “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’” Matthew 25:40, 45 (NIV)

“Kindness to the poor is a loan to the LORD, and He will repay the lender.” Proverbs 19:17 (BSB)

• As the old saying goes, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” Kindness shouldn’t be a manipulation tactic, but we WILL have more influence and people will be more receptive to us if we are kind. In fact, when we are unkind, people will often go to great lengths to avoid us. Unkindness will drive people away and cause us to lose our influence and impact.

“Kindness makes a man attractive. And it is better to be poor than dishonest.” Proverbs 19:22 (TLB)

“Those who bring trouble on their families inherit the wind. The fool will be a servant to the wise.” Proverbs 11:29 (NLT)

“Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.” Proverbs 13:3 (NIV)

• The Bible says we will be rewarded for our kindness.

“Your kindness will reward you, but your cruelty will destroy you.” Proverbs 11:17 (NLT)

“Your own soul is nourished when you are kind.” Proverbs 11:17 (TLB)

HOW to be kind: We have to put it on like clothes. We need to put on our kindness hat!

The Bible tells us to “put on” kindness or to “clothe” ourselves in kindness.

“Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.” Colossians 3:12-15 (NLT)

“You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” 1 Peter 3:4 (NLT)

To “clothe yourselves” takes intention and purpose. This also means that it may not always come naturally to all people, in all situations, or at all times.

My clothes don’t just put themselves on each day. I have to intentionally choose an outfit and then physically put it on. The same will be true of some of these characteristics listed in these scriptures, kindness being one of them. We will have to on purpose, intentionally choose to pick kindness and then put it on. Depending on our personality or even the circumstance, it may not happen naturally. It may not be easy all the time. It may be more difficult in some situations than in others. We are still called to put on kindness. This will mean it must be deliberate, planned, premeditated, consciously done, and knowingly done, with intent.

Each and every day we must decide that we will wear an attitude of kindness. We must put on our kindness hat every morning!

Start where you are and keep working on it

If kindness is sometimes difficult or doesn’t always come naturally, just start where you are.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)

I learned that “be kind” in this verse literally means “be ye being kind” or “be in the process of becoming kind”. The original Greek language grammatical usage of this verb is in the present middle imperative. The “present” indicates that it is current and has an ongoing aspect, and the “imperative” indicates that it’s a command. So to say it another way might be, “Start becoming kind right where you are and keep working on it.” We can do this by letting the Holy Spirit work on that fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22) inside of us.

Here’s a great short video clip that explains this…

Take Some Practical Steps to Put On Your Kindness Hat:

• First, take note of the characteristics of kindness noted above and attempt to emulate those.

• Then, say short this short prayer throughout the day…

“Lord, help me to always show kindness.”

• Next, make a goal that each person you encounter would leave feeling better after engaging with you.

Check out this post on making others feel taller not smaller.

• Furthermore, look for opportunities to be kind. Become a people watcher, and see the needs of the people around you.

Pray and ask God to open your eyes to see opportunities and ways to be kind to the people you encounter each day.

“Look out for the good of others.” 1 Corinthians 10:24 (NCV)

• Smile!

A smile goes a long way. Make an attempt to smile at everyone you encounter.

• Conduct random acts of kindness, and don’t let inconvenience stop you.

These could be things like letting someone else have that parking spot you wanted, letting someone go in front of you in a line, letting someone else have the last ____ (fill in the blank), giving a ride even if it’s out of your way, being a polite driver, holding the door open for someone and letting them go in ahead of you, etc. You can find ideas in abundance by doing a quick internet search or checking out acts of kindness hashtags on social media. Also, you can check out this previous post on acts and kindness and good deeds to see some examples and get some ideas. Then, here’s a great excerpt with some ideas from Chip Gaines.

“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” Romans 12:10 (ESV)

Intentional kindness doesn’t let inconvenience stop you.

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• When you’re tempted to be harsh, be gentle and kind instead. Pray and ask God to soften your heart in areas where you may struggle to be kind.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)

“Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.” Proverbs 10:12 (NIV)

“Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.” Ephesians 4:2 (NLT)

“They must not slander anyone and must avoid quarreling. Instead, they should be gentle and show true humility to everyone.” Titus 3:2 (NLT)

“And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” Ezekiel 36:26 (NLT)

“Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.” Psalm 141:3 (NIV)

• Do some self-assessment to make sure you are not engaging in unkindness or divisive behavior. Then, purpose to promote unity with love and kindness.

I’ve written recently about the need to do some self-assessment to discern whether or not we are creating unity or division. Additionally, I’ve written about promoting unity because one of Satan’s tactics is to instigate division. He fosters the temptation for unkindness and divisive behavior. In those posts, we discussed how kindness and love will promote unity and how we are biblically instructed to be kind and caring in our communication, behavior, and any kind of engagement. We also discussed that when those around us may tempt us to react unkindly, it’s important to offer grace (as a form of kindness) by making allowances for others’ faults (Colossians 3:13).

• Finally, surrender pride, and ask the Holy Spirit to help you be kinder.

This is one of his fruits that he produces in our lives (Galatians 5:22).

“Lord, help me to be more kind and gentle. Remind me when I’m not, and help me to correct it quickly and make apologies when/where necessary. Show me right now any areas where I may be a little too harsh. Enable me through your Holy Spirit in me to be and act more like you. You are kind and gentle with me. Thank you.”

What are some practical ways that you intentionally put on your “kindness hat”? Share them with us by leaving a comment below!

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If you know anyone that could benefit from this, please pay it forward!  Share this post via the sharing links below.  “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV)