Category Archives: Communication

Be An Encourager…Make More Positive Comments

Be An Encourager…Make More Positive Comments

Be An Encourager…Make More Positive Comments

Lately, we’ve been discussing some of the downsides of communication with others.  Negative communication is often inevitable so we talked about how to avoid making negative comments and how to respond to critical and sometimes hurtful communication when we are on the receiving end.  On the flip side though, not only is it important to avoid making damaging comments, but it’s valuable to go the extra mile to make positive comments and to point out the good in situations.

I previously completed a six-part series of devotions on my YouVersion Bible app that was based on the Stay Positive series by Pastor Craig Groeschel, the Senior Pastor at Life Church.  Something that Pastor Groeschel said really stood out to me (which was an indicator that it was something that I need to work on).  He said if you think something good, you should say it and that you should never rob somebody else of a blessing. He said we should be a tool of God to be a voice of encouragement to other people on a daily basis.  His advice was that anytime we think something good about somebody else we should turn it into a gift of encouragement.

“But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” Hebrews 3:13 (NIV) 

God is an encourager

In fact, God himself is an encourager.  We need to be like God and be encouragers too!  When we encourage others, we are showing and being a little part of God to somebody else…somebody who may really need it.

“But God, who encourages those who are discouraged, encouraged us by the arrival of Titus.” 2 Corinthians 7:6 (NLT)

I often think good things about other people, but I’m not always the best at vocalizing positive comments.  So after Pastor Groeschel’s advice, I’ve been trying to do better about immediately saying, calling, or texting whoever it is that I may have had a positive thought about.

If I see something my sister has done that is super creative, I should try to remember to call her and tell her and not just think about it. If I’m grateful for something Eric has done, even something small, I should send him a text at work just to say “thanks, I appreciated when you…”  If one of my kids did something to make me laugh or smile, I should stop right then and tell them that they make me happy.  They are all simple little things that I typically just think about and pass over every day, but when I do so I am essentially robbing them of a blessing.

What if we encouraged more than we complained?

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How to Respond to Comments…especially in touchy situations

How to Respond to Comments…especially in touchy situations

How to Respond to Comments…especially in touchy situations

In a previous post, I mentioned the ever-increasing amount of negative comments I receive on my blog.  I guess that comes with the territory of “putting myself out there” in a public format.  I’ve had to learn how to avoid making negative comments even when that might be my first reaction.  I’m still a work in progress.  However, I have somewhat of a system now on exactly how to respond to comments, negative or not.  I’d like to share it with you because you might also find it helpful when deciding how you should reply to people.

It’s often hard to figure out what to say

At times deciding how to respond to comments can be nerve-wracking even when the comments aren’t negative.  Sometimes people are hurting and ask hard questions.  Occasionally, I receive comments on a previous post, “How to Overcome Feeling Unloved or Unwanted”.  Sadly, this post is one of the most popular posts on my website.  I say “sadly” because it makes me so sad to know that so many people feel unloved and unwanted.  Then again, maybe that’s exactly why God had me write it and why He directs so many people to that page.

It also makes me very sad when I get some of the comments from people still looking for answers because I can almost feel their hurt and pain in their writing.  Then, I feel a little scared and overwhelmed knowing that I have to reply to these hurting people to try and give them some answers, encouragement, and hope.  It’s a lot of pressure!  I actually said to God, “What if I mess them up!?”  I honestly feel so completely unqualified at times to help people.  In fact, I’ve talked before about making excuses like this with God.  They never work.  He just tells me to follow his lead and he will instruct me in what to say (Exodus 4:12).

Speaking from my own experiences

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How to Avoid Making Negative Comments

Learn some steps to avoid the trap of making negative comments.

How to Avoid Making Negative Comments

I get several comments posted to my blog articles.  Unfortunately, not all of them are very nice.  Sometimes it’s hard not to take things personally.  At one point, I had been getting so many negative comments in such a short time frame that when I would get an e-mail informing me that I had a new comment to moderate I would moan and hang my head in dread of what I was about to read.

Once, I was at my sister’s house, and my e-mail chimed alerting me of a new comment.  “Not again.” I groaned.  “What’s wrong?” my sister asked.  “I’ve got another comment to moderate.  I’m afraid to look at it.” I said.  “Here, let me read it first,” she suggested.  I handed her my phone.  Thankfully she smiled as she read it and said, “It’s a good one.”  I breathed a sigh of relief.  Fortunately, I have received a number of positive and encouraging comments too.  Why is it that the bad ones seem to overpower the good?  It’s no wonder Paul urges us to keep our focus on positive and good things.

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8 (NLT)

Focusing on negative comments will weigh us down

Focusing on the negative will only bring us down.  It will cause us anxiety and worry (Philippians 4:6), and it could even cause us to get so worked up that we might act out in our emotions and say or do things that we regret.  I think that’s probably what happens when people post nasty things or negative comments on my site.  They probably read something that they disagreed with or that potentially offended them, and then they acted out of their emotion.

Unfortunately, technology these days has cultivated an environment where it is easy for people to be passive-aggressive. People say things online or via technology that they would never say to someone face-to-face.

In light of that, I have a fairly strict comment policy on my site to protect my visitors from negative comments that could hurt or hinder them.  I had to lay out some simple ground rules in order to enable constructive conversation while discouraging rude, disrespectful, sarcastic, offensive, divisive, or off-topic negative comments.  I don’t even want to foster an atmosphere that’s conducive to arguments taking place on my site.  That’s not God’s purpose for my site.  I want my site to be a place of peace.

Scriptural communication guidelines

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Praying Scripture-Based Prayers

Praying Scripture-Based Prayers title image

Praying Scripture-Based Prayers

We’ve already discussed and learned about the benefits and power of prayer in addition to some tips for how to pray (see the “Prayer” section on this link here). This week I’d like to specifically address scripture-based prayers. We’ll discuss what they are, how they are a powerful way of praying, why we should pray them, and how to make scripture-based prayers.

There is nothing new about these types of prayers. This has been a way of praying for generations. Additionally, we can see examples and instances of people quoting scripture in their prayers throughout the Old and New Testaments.

What are scripture-based prayers?

Scripture-based prayers are a type of prayer where we take a scripture or Bible verse and use the words from the scripture to formulate a specific prayer. Instead of coming up with our own words to pray to God, we just pray what’s already written in the Bible. These prayers are rooted in scripture.

Scripture-based prayers are essentially just praying scripture back to God. It’s a way of praying using Bible verses either in or to formulate our prayer. Furthermore, we can let the meaning of the verses inspire our thoughts and become our own prayer.

Scripture-based prayers are a powerful way of praying

We know from reading James 5:16 that prayer is powerful and effective.

“…The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” James 5:16 (NIV)

Additionally, Hebrews 4:12 tells us God’s Word (i.e. scripture) is living and powerful.

“For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” (NKJV)

Therefore, if prayer is powerful and God’s Word is powerful, it’s doubly powerful to pray scripture-based prayers!

It’s powerful to agree with and say the same thing as God

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When Somebody Makes a Prayer Request

When Somebody Makes a Prayer Request ...

When Somebody Makes a Prayer Request

I think a lot of times people just flippantly say “I’m praying for you” or “I’ll pray for you”, but more often than not, it’s just lip-service.  They may truly mean it at the time, but then they might forget later or not make it a priority.  Sometimes people just don’t know WHAT or HOW to pray for the other person making the prayer request.  Today I’d like to help you out with this by giving you some suggestions for not just offering lip service when a prayer request is made of you and for how to actually pray for that person when they ask.

Pray right then and there

To address the first issue, I’ll give you some tips for how to actually pray for them and not just say that you will.  The first and best piece of advice that I can give you is what works for me.  Stop whatever you are doing, and pray for them right then and there.  You can’t forget to do it later if you do it right now.  It should only take you a couple of minutes, if that.  You don’t even have to pray out loud or even with them if that makes you uncomfortable.  Just take a second to say a silent prayer on their behalf.

Make a note to pray

The next thing you can do is to make yourself a note to pray for them.  Write yourself a reminder to pray for that person later and/or to check on them again to see how they are doing.  I’ve found myself writing things on post-it notes, index cards, adding a note to my phone, or setting a reminder alarm, and I even have a prayer request app on my phone that I use from time to time.  I also write prayers in my quiet time journal. Additionally, the Bible app has a place to make a prayer list.

One thing that I haven’t started yet that I would like to start is a separate prayer journal.  I’d like to have a place where I can write my own prayer requests to God along with others as a physical and tangible list and reminder.  Then I’ll also be able to go back and mark when they were answered.   Maybe a prayer journal would be a good idea for you too?  The point is, when you write things down, it’s easier to remember to do them.  Plus, you have a tangible reminder to do so.

As far as HOW to pray for them…

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8 Hindrances to Prayer

Do you feel like you have hit some road blocks in your prayer life? Look at these 8 Hindrances to Prayer

8 Hindrances to Prayer

This week we’ll continue on the topic of prayer by discussing some hindrances to prayer.  Prayer is a very powerful and effective force, but there are actually some things we can do that will hinder our prayers and their effectiveness.  They are almost like roadblocks.

When I think of hindrances to prayer I always think of a humorous story that Joe McGee told when speaking at our church one time.  I can’t remember all of the details, but I remember him saying that he was praying one time when God spoke to him about how he was treating Denise, his wife.  He had either been encountering problems or wasn’t getting an answer to prayer (I don’t recall), and he asked God about it.

Joe said he heard clearly in his spirit that God told him to buy his wife the brand of soda and laundry detergent that she wanted.  He had always just bought what he grew up with and was used to, neglecting her preferences.  I think he even made a joke about the laundry detergent because she used Tide, and he said that was just sacrilegious since they were from Tennessee (major rivals of Alabama…aka Crimson TIDE).  He said that God reminded him of 1 Peter 3:7 which said “…Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.”  God was trying to teach him to treat his wife well so that his prayers wouldn’t be hindered.

Aside from how we treat others, there are a few other things that can put a damper on our prayers.  I’ve actually learned about 8 hindrances to prayer that can have a negative impact.  Let’s take a look…

8 Hindrances to Prayer

  1. Wrong motives

Like it or not, we can sometimes approach God with wrong intentions, reasons, or motives.  We cannot be evil or completely selfish in our prayer life.  Yes, God wants us to have the desires of our hearts but not at the expense of others.  The Bible says we will not receive if we ask with the wrong motives.

When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” James 4:3 (NIV)

  1. Unforgiveness in our hearts

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How to Pray: Using the Lord’s Prayer as an Example

Learn How to Pray by Using the Lord's Prayer as an example

How to Pray: Using the Lord’s Prayer as an Example

Staying with the theme of prayer this week, I thought I’d spend some more time on how to pray—specifically using the Lord’s Prayer as a guide.  I will also give you an example of how I would personally use the Lord’s Prayer to pray at the start of my day.  Jesus gave “The Lord’s Prayer” as an example of how to pray (not necessarily meant to be memorized and quoted).  I find it hilarious how Hollywood always portrays Christians praying this prayer.  It’s the typical stereotype of Christians–that whenever we pray, this must be what we say every time.  Don’t even get me started on the stereotypical, weak, and ignorant ways that Hollywood depicts Christians.  That’s another soapbox I can get stuck on for a while!

Anyhow, I don’t believe that Jesus meant for the Lord’s Prayer to be the ONLY way and the only thing that we pray (and especially not word for word).  I know this because there are numerous other examples of prayer throughout the Bible, and they are not all identical to this.  He also said “pray like this” or “pray in this manner” NOT “pray this”.

So keeping that in mind, let’s take a look at a line-by-line breakdown of the Lord’s Prayer and how we might use it as a guide to pray. 

Matthew 6:9 “Pray then like this: “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name.”

This is an example or a protocol of sorts of how we should approach God. By calling him “hallowed” we are showing honor and reverence and submitting to his ultimate authority. It’s important to worship God and give Him praise.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.” Psalm 100:4 (NIV)

The Bible said we should come to God with praise and thanks.  The start of your prayer is the best time to do this (read more in this post on starting with praise).  Giving praise, glory, and thanks to God first helps us to prioritize Him.  First honor, then ask.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33 (ESV)

Matthew Henry said in his commentary on the Lord’s Prayer, “We must begin our prayers with praising God, and it is very fit he should be first served, and that we should give glory to God, before we expect to receive mercy and grace from him. Let him have praise of his perfections, and then let us have the benefit of them.[i]

Praising God can sometimes seem awkward, at least for me it is.  It’s often hard to know what to say.  I’ve found it helpful to praise Him for His character traits and attributes, especially roles He’s played in my life recently.  It’s also helpful to praise Him for who I need Him to be.  If I need to be comforted, I praise Him that He is a comforter.  If I need healing, I praise Him for being a healer, and so on.  At my Moms in Prayer group each week we always start our prayers with praising God for one of His attributes (click here for a list of attributes provided by Moms in Prayer or click here or here for some posts). 

Matthew 6:10 “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”

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How to Pray: Be Specific, Bold, Expectant, and Thankful

There are some things a lot of people leave out in their prayer life. Learn how to pray by being specific, bold, expectant, and thankful in your prayers.

How to Pray: Be Specific, Bold, Expectant, and Thankful

This week we’re still on the topic of prayer.  Previously we discussed some of the reasons to pray, places/times to pray, and some examples of how to pray (here and here).  I’d like to continue discussing more on how to pray by being specific, bold, expectant, and thankful in our prayers.  These are some things I’ve learned over the years that I think a lot of people either leave out or are negligent in doing in their prayer life.

I’m so very thankful for my pastor teaching us these principles of prayer over the years.  These principles work.  Because I’ve learned these things and have put them into practice in my life, I have experienced a very powerful and effective prayer life.  My husband, Eric, was even joking with me once about my prayers getting answered.  A song that got on my nerves came on the radio, and I made a face at him and groaned.  Then, a few seconds later, the radio just went silent, and Eric said “Did you pray for that to happen?”  I replied with a smirk, “No, but I’m glad that you recognize the power of my prayers!”  If you will put these principles of how to pray into practice, you too will have a powerful and effective prayer life.

How to Pray: Be SPECIFIC when making requests of God and include scripture.

I learned early on from my pastor that God wants us to be specific in our prayers and when approaching Him with our needs.  We shouldn’t just go to God listing all of our problems.  We should tell Him how we want Him to help. When we are requesting something of God, we need to state our specific request.  I heard Kenneth Copeland say once that if you’re praying for “nothing in particular” that’s just about what you’re gonna get!

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6 (NIV)

The New Living Translation says “tell God what you need”.  I think it’s also important to remind God of His Word and promises.  In other words, find a scripture or a promise in the Bible to back up what you are asking for.  God wants us to remind Him.  In fact, He tells us to do so—to put Him in remembrance…

Put me in remembrance; let us argue together; set forth your case, that you may be proved right.” Isaiah 43:26 (ESV)

Example: 

Instead of saying,

“God, we’re short on money.  I can’t afford to pay this unexpected medical expense.  Please help me.”

Be specific and say,

“God, we’re short on money.  I can’t afford to pay this unexpected medical expense.  Your word says in Philippians 4:19 that you will provide all of my needs according to your riches in glory in Christ Jesus.  I need $800 to pay for this medical bill.  Please provide a way for this $800 need to be met—either by providing the money somehow or by providing an idea or means of obtaining this money.  Thank you for hearing me and for providing my need.”

The second approach states not only the problem but the specific request along with a scripture to remind God (and us) that He is our source and provider. 

How to Pray: Be BOLD and have confidence when approaching God.

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