Category Archives: Communication

Empathy…The Filter We ALL Need

Empathy-The Filter We ALL Need title image

Empathy…The Filter We ALL Need

Recently, we discussed the importance of showing intentional kindness due to the world becoming more rude, uncivil, divisive, and lacking compassion. As divisiveness grows, polarization prevails, and kindness dissipates, there has also been a decline and loss of empathy. We’re seeing an unfortunate culture shift. There has been recent scientific research supporting the idea that people are caring less and less for others and more for themselves. One study found that levels of empathy significantly declined among young people from 1979 to 2009.[1]

Although, we probably don’t need a scientific study to tell us this when we can just look around at interactions taking place in the world around us and see the cruelty and apathy firsthand. People are becoming more desensitized, and harshness, coldness, callousness, and a lack of compassion are becoming the standard.

The Bible warns us about a decrease in empathy

Multiple places in scripture say that in the last days people will be scoffing, selfish, narcissistic, cruel, hardhearted, uncaring, insensitive, and lacking self-control, compassion, and love for those around them.

“Sin will be rampant everywhere, and the love of many will grow cold.” Matthew 24:12 (NLT)

“You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!” 2 Timothy 3:1-5 (NLT)

“Most importantly, I want to remind you that in the last days scoffers will come, mocking the truth and following their own desires.” 2 Peter 3:3 (NLT)

“They told you that in the last times there would be scoffers whose purpose in life is to satisfy their ungodly desires. These people are the ones who are creating divisions among you. They follow their natural instincts because they do not have God’s Spirit in them.” Jude 1:18-19 (NLT)

Some recent personal experiences of an empathy deficit

Unfortunately, I’ve had some recent experiences of seeing an empathy deficit firsthand…by a doctor, a family member, and a student. Continue reading

What I Learned From a Bunny About Reaching the Lost

What I Learned From a Bunny About Reaching the Lost: Helping People Without Pushing Them Away

What I Learned From a Bunny About Reaching the Lost: Helping People Without Pushing Them Away

Several years ago my husband stumbled upon something pretty cool in our backyard.  It was a bunny nest.  Apparently, a rabbit had built a nest in our backyard under the kid’s playset, and when my husband moved it to mow he realized something moving around when he mowed over the area.  Now don’t panic (yet)…none of the babies were hurt.

So we moved the playset back over the top of the nest, and I scooped up one of the little escapees and nestled him back in with his siblings so he would be safe.  We were even able to watch the momma bunny come back later that evening and nurse the babies as they hopped out from under the playset to meet her.  We are some major animal lovers at our house (ok…maybe just my daughter and myself) so this was REALLY cool for us. We come across a variety of wildlife at our house, and we love being able to appreciate them.

What happened next…

What I Learned From a Bunny About Reaching the Lost: Helping People Without Pushing Them Away

Bunny Nest

I wondered about those baby bunnies all night.  Well, the next day after dropping my kids off at school I went home and let my dog outside, watching her to make sure she didn’t go near the nest.  I noticed several very large crows hovering in the trees over our backyard and flying around.  Then I noticed a cat in the wooded area behind our back fence, and sure enough, my dog went straight over to the playset and started sniffing around.

So I went outside to redirect her and shoo away the crows and cat.  To my horror (now you can panic), I discovered that the bunny nest had apparently been attacked by some predator.  Several of the bunnies were missing, and I found remains of partially eaten bunnies and 2 more that hadn’t been eaten but had apparently been killed.  I was mortified!

I noticed there were still 2 babies in the nest.  Then, I decided to survey the area for any others and clean up the area to avoid any more predators (probably why the crows were lurking overhead).  I found two more babies that were out of the nest.  One was further underneath the playset, and one was against the back fence.  I retrieved them both to put them back in their nest and get them out of the open.

However, one of the bunnies kept hopping back out and running into the open again when I did.  I kept talking to him and said, “Hey, I’m trying to help you.  I’m not going to hurt you, just trying to save your life.  I’m a friend, not an enemy.”  He was understandably very frightened (and apparently couldn’t speak human!). Each time I put him in the nest, he kept running back out until he eventually ran to the fence and underneath it into the wooded area behind our house.

I had to let him go.  I said a quick prayer for him and his safety as he hopped away.  He didn’t understand that I was trying to help him and that I actually loved him and wouldn’t hurt him.  He didn’t understand that I had his best interest in mind.

A spiritual analogy for reaching the lost revealed

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Be Kind: Put On Your Kindness Hat!

Be Kind_Put on your kindness hat title image

Be Kind: Put On Your Kindness Hat!

We live in such a polarized world these days. Even people within their own “in-group” are at odds in many cases, Christians NOT being exempt from this. Strife abounds, and we don’t have to look far to find turmoil, political and social unrest, religious animosity, rudeness, incivility, and unkindness. The t-shirt and bumper sticker saying rings true: Mean people suck. God calls us to be different though. He calls us to a higher standard–to be kind, even when it’s undeserved. It’s high time we all put on our kindness hats!

Last week I created a resource page with scriptures about kindness and the kindness of God. Those scriptures will serve as a foundation for this post where we’ll discuss some of the characteristics of kindness and what being kind might look like in action, in addition to WHY we should be kind and HOW to be kind, especially when it’s not easy or might not come naturally.

Characteristics of kindness

In many New Testament scriptures about kindness or instructions to be kind, the original Greek language defines some of the characteristics of kindness that are relayed.

Some of the Greek words (stemming from the same root) include “chrestos”, “chrestotes”, and “chresteuomai”. The meanings and characteristics include things like…

    • Kindness, to be kind
    • Gentleness, to be gentle
    • Goodness, to be good
    • Graciousness, to be gracious or offer grace
    • to be considerate and thoughtful of others
    • to show oneself useful (in manner and morals)
    • excellence (in character or demeanor)
    • to act benevolently
    • to be friendly

In some scriptures, and in the original language, the word “kindness” is paired or interchanged with “gentle spirit” (“epiekes” in Greek). This carries the meaning of things like…

    • Gentle
    • Moderation
    • Patient
    • Mild
    • Appropriate (fair, equitable, reasonable)
    • to be considerate
    • to be kind
    • Reasonableness
    • Unselfishness
    • Forbearing Spirit
    • Graciousness
    • Mercy
    • Tolerance

Some verses in different translations can relay and expand in these characteristics and meanings:

“Be kind and helpful to one another, tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 (AMP)

“And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 (AMPC)

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” Galatians 5:22-23 (NLT) *See the similar characteristics that go hand in hand with kindness

“Your kindness should be known to all!” Philippians 4:5 (NAB)

“Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.” Philippians 4:5 (NLT)

“Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.” Philippians 4:5 (NIV)

God turns people around with kindness…We need to take a cue

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Scriptures About Kindness

Scriptures About Kindness title image

Scriptures About Kindness

I’ve written previously about kindness and unity. Scriptures abound about how we should display kindness as a quality and character trait of being a Christian and follower of Jesus. There are also numerous scriptures about how God is kind. (Hence, if we are children of God, we should follow suit.) In this post, I thought I’d create a resource page by compiling a list of scriptures about kindness and how we are called to be kind. In addition, I’ve included a list of scriptures about the kindness of God.

Next week’s post will contain some practical application to these scriptures. We’ll discuss characteristics of kindness and what it might look like in action, WHY we should be kind, and HOW to be kind (especially when it’s not easy or might not come naturally). All of those things will be based upon the foundations of these scriptures in this post.

Scriptures About Kindness

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:31-32 (NLT)

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” Colossians 3:12-15 (ESV)

“A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult peopleGently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth.” 2 Timothy 2:24-25 (NLT)

Your kindness should be known to all!” Philippians 4:5 (NAB)

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” Galatians 5:22-23 (NLT)

We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us, and by our sincere love.” 2 Corinthians 6:6 (NLT)

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:12 (NIV)

Do to others as you would like them to do to you.” Luke 6:31 (NLT) Continue reading

How to Recognize God’s Voice

Learn how to recognize God's voice

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How to Recognize God’s Voice

“Then he (Jesus) added, ‘Pay close attention to what you hear.  The closer you listen the more understanding you will be given—and you will receive even more.’”  Mark 4:24 (NLT)

I previously shared a post on What Does God’s Voice Sound Like?  I’d like to share some more tips on how to learn and recognize God’s voice.  God’s voice becomes more familiar as we grow in relationship with Him.

This is very similar to meeting a new friend.  At first, we probably don’t recognize their voice very well, and they have to introduce themselves when they call on the phone.  However, the longer we are friends and the more time we spend with them (and hear them talk), the easier it is to recognize their voice.  Eventually, they won’t even have to say who they are or introduce themselves.

I didn’t recognize my husband on our first date

The more time spent with someone makes them more familiar and more recognizable.  My husband, Eric, just loves to tell the story (aka make fun of me 🙂 ) about the time we went on our first “official” date.  I went to meet him at a mall.  He was waiting outside the front door for me, and I walked right past him because I didn’t recognize him.  We hadn’t known each other very long in my defense, and he DID have a baseball hat on pulled down low over his eyes!  Nevertheless, he will NEVER let me live it down.

I shudder to think of all the times I must have done the EXACT same thing to God—walk right past Him due to not recognizing Him when He was standing right in front of me.

It’s getting easier for me to recognize God’s voice the more I mature and the closer I get to God.  In hindsight, I wish I would have learned to recognize God’s voice a lot sooner.  I can look back on my life now and see poor choices and/or missed opportunities where I had a “red flag” but didn’t realize at the time that God was speaking to me.  Some things that I’ve learned along the way are the “What”, the “When”, the “How” and the “Why” of God speaking.  My goal is to share a few of these things with you in hopes that you too can learn to recognize God’s voice so that you might miss fewer opportunities or make fewer poor choices.

Recognize God’s Voice in WHAT to listen for: Continue reading

What Does God’s Voice Sound Like?

What Does God's Voice Sound Like?

What Does God’s Voice Sound Like?

It never ceases to amaze me how God talks to us.  I’m positive that He’s talked to me my whole life, and I didn’t even know it was Him.  The closer I grow to God and the stronger my relationship gets with Him, the easier it is for me to recognize God’s voice.  Did you know He talks to you all the time too?  You may have not even realized it was Him, simply mistaking God’s voice as just a random thought going through your head or just an odd coincidence of events.

Today, I thought I’d share a story I wrote a while back about hearing and recognizing God’s voice in something as simple as home décor. 

“My sheep recognize my voice.  I know them, and they follow me.” John 10:27 (MSG)

Jesus’ arm

Jesus told me where his arm was.  That was the message that I had sent to my husband, half-jokingly, half-serious.  I have a wall decoration that is a carved wooden cross with a figurine of Jesus hanging on the cross.  Eric had brought it back to me as a souvenir from Budapest when he was there on leave while in the military. There is a place in the living room where it usually hangs.  I had temporarily removed it to put up some Christmas decorations in its place.  It had been stored in one of the empty Christmas boxes. 

After Christmas was over and the decorations were taken down (I’m not going to tell you how long after Christmas this was), I had taken the cross and set it on an end table waiting to hang it back up.  One of the kids later passed by it and asked where Jesus’ arm was.  It had been broken off.  I assumed that the kids must have broken it while playing with their cousins and neglected to tell me.

“Random” thoughts

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Make Others Feel Taller NOT Smaller

Make Others Feel Taller NOT Smaller! - Great post from HappyHealthyandProsperous.com

Make Others Feel Taller NOT Smaller

Most people are drawn to the type of people who make others feel taller not smaller.  People like to be around other people who make them feel better about themselves.  In general, people pull away from and don’t like to be around those who make them feel bad about themselves.  Nobody likes to be around people who are cruel, mean, and rude (especially if that’s their typical nature most of the time).  This type of behavior is a sure-fire way to cut people out of your life!  It’s like the wrong end of a magnet repelling people…pushing them away instead of drawing them in.

People are drawn to those who make them feel good about themselves.  On a side note…Did you know that’s a significant factor in why many people have affairs?  It’s not that they necessarily like the other person that much.  It’s that they like themselves better when they’re around that person.  In affairs, those other people (i.e. affair partners) make them feel better about themselves.  

Someone made me feel smaller

I have been around people who have made me feel smaller NOT taller on a number of occasions.  Several years ago, I was involved in a situation that, quite honestly, made me feel like crap.  I was around someone who felt the need to “tell me the truth” because “true friends tell the truth”.  It made me feel very badly about myself, about how I looked, and about the mistakes I made.  I honestly felt I couldn’t do anything right, and even when I tried, that too was criticized.  It had a tendency to make me dread being around this person in particular.  Have you ever felt like that?  It’s pretty miserable.  Thankfully, I’m getting better about dealing with these feelings (okay…after a few tearful moments), but the initial feelings are very real nonetheless.

After being on the receiving end of hurtful situations like this, I wanted to make sure that I’M not a person who does this to others.  I wanted to be sure I was the kind of person that will make others feel taller not smaller.  So, I compiled a list of “Do’s” and “Don’ts” of practical steps that each of us can take to make sure we are NOT the kind of person that is like the wrong end of a magnet that repels people.  (I actually compiled this list on my phone at 3:00 am in the morning after the bad experience I mentioned earlier because I couldn’t sleep due to being so hurt and angry!)

I, too, have been guilty of making others feel smaller, not taller

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Dealing With Those Who Have Been Deceived

Dealing With Those Who Have Been Deceived Title image

Dealing With Those Who Have Been Deceived

Last week we discussed that as we near the coming of Christ and the end times, we are going to see an increase in people who are being deceived or are believing lies…either from other people, from Satan, or from their own personal desires. Deception is becoming more and more prevalent these days and will continue to do so according to scripture.

Now the Holy Spirit tells us clearly that in the last times some will turn away from the true faith; they will follow deceptive spirits and teachings that come from demons.” 1 Timothy 4:1 (NLT)

“For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear. They will reject the truth and chase after myths.” 2 Timothy 4:3-4 (NLT)

Unfortunately, we even see deception taking hold of our family members, friends, or other people in our sphere of influence. It’s very hard to see someone we love or care about being deceived and believing lies. It’s especially difficult when they seem so far gone and are not receptive to hearing or discussing the truth.

There is a proper way to engage with or deal with people in the midst of deception. Unfortunately, our initial reaction or human nature is not typically the best way. It will take some intentionality and purpose to interact in a God-honoring, productive, and helpful way. Regrettably, I have not done this very well lately, hence my purpose in writing this post…to resolve to do better and help others do the same.

Take Some Practical Steps When Dealing With Those Who Have Been Deceived:

First, pray for God to help you when engaging or interacting with those being deceived.

It’s tempting to get irritated or angry and sometimes even feel shocked, surprised, and dumbfounded. You may need God’s help to get out of your own emotions before you can deal appropriately with someone being deceived. You might need to ask God to soften your heart first. Then, ask God to help you have his perspective and to see them and the situation as he does. Pray that God would give you the right words to speak only when necessary and to help you stay quiet when necessary. (Refer to this link for other helpful scriptures on knowing what to say.)

“Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.” Psalm 141:3 (NIV)

For I will give you the right words and such wisdom that none of your opponents will be able to reply or refute you!” Luke 21:15 (NLT)

“…don’t worry about how to respond or what to say. God will give you the right words at the right time.” Matthew 10:19b (NLT)

“Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.” Colossians 4:6 (NLT)

“Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything.” Proverbs 13:3 (NLT)

Next, listen before responding.

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