Do Not Resent the Good Fortune of Others

During the Christmas season I sent out an email to my subscribers informing them of a holiday hiatus. I unfortunately received a very hurtful and critical reply. After the holidays and vacation time, I prayed and thought about this exchange and felt like this would be a good, teachable moment for my readers. The lesson is on learning how to rejoice with those who rejoice and learning not to begrudge or resent the good fortune of others.

I’ll first share my initial email to my subscribers and the response I received. Then, I’ll share a reply to that response. After that, I’ll communicate what God put on my heart about the importance of celebrating the good fortune of others instead of being offended by it and what the posture of our heart should be.

My initial email sent out to notify I wouldn’t be posting for a while:

“Hello Happy, Healthy & Prosperous Subscribers! 

There will be no new teaching posts for the next few weeks. I’ll be taking a holiday hiatus! I’ll be in Europe for a bit to celebrate my 20 year wedding anniversary (so excited!!). It’s also my goal to make the most of the time with my kids and family to celebrate Christmas.  I encourage you to do the same!  Please don’t let the busyness of the season get in the way of your most important relationships.  Make the most of the opportunities you have while you still have them!

“How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. What you ought to say is, “If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.” Otherwise you are boasting about your own plans, and all such boasting is evil.  Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.” James 4:14-17 (NLT)

“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.” Ephesians 5:15-16 (NIV)

May you and your families have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

“The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26 (ESV)

I’ll see you again in 2020!

Tracy 🙂 “

A reader’s email response:

“Seriously have to flaunt your personal life? It’s such a snub to people who are single. Whatever.”

My reaction or reply to this reader’s response…

First, I want to sincerely apologize for having offended you and making you feel like I was, in any way, snubbing people who are single. I would never intentionally do that. It is not my heart nor was it my intention, and I truly did not feel like my email sent to my subscribers to explain my extended absence reflected that.

I see that you’ve been a subscriber for approximately 6 months. That probably hasn’t been enough time for you to get to know me, especially not personally. I think if you had known me personally, there might be a paradigm shift, and you might have reconsidered your comment (which was quite hurtful to be honest). If you really knew my story and the heartache it’s taken to get me to the point of 20 years of marriage and a family, you might be more inclined to celebrate with me (as the scriptures encourage us to do in Romans 12:15) as opposed to being offended by and criticizing my happiness and excitement.

I promise you that I have known and experienced the pain of singleness, the pain of a very broken marriage, the pain of losing a child to miscarriage, and the pain of family dysfunction. That’s in fact why I celebrate. That’s why I’m so grateful and praise the goodness of God for the blessings I currently experience. I choose to celebrate and be thankful what the Lord has restored to me.

Here is a previous post you might find enlightening where I share some of my own pain of singleness at a point in my life and a response to another reader dealing with the pain of singleness: What If God’s Love Isn’t Enough?

If it truly is your heart’s desire to get married and/or have a family, my prayer is that God answers your heart’s desire. My prayer for you is that in the meantime you will learn to find joy in whatever your current situation is and to not feel slighted by the good fortune of others. May you, like Paul, be content in whatever the circumstances because you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength (Philippians 4:11-13).

Tracy

A great analogy

A friend of mine shared a great analogy for this comment. She stated that this would be similar to someone who is paralyzed and in a wheelchair getting offended and mad because I made comments about my walks around my neighborhood, saying that I was flaunting my mobility. It’s just not a rational remark. Discussing my morning walks is in no way intentionally rubbing my mobility in the face of someone who can’t walk…just as it would never be my intention to snub single people when I talk about celebrating my own marriage or family.

God wants us to celebrate the good fortune of others

My heartfelt counsel to others is to rejoice with those who rejoice. Do not begrudge or resent the good fortune of others. The Bible also encourages this.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15 (NIV)

“And when she finds it, she will call in her friends and neighbors and say, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost coin.’” Luke 15:9 (NLT)

“And so we celebrated because the LORD had indeed worked miracles for us.” Psalm 126:3 (CEV)

“So encourage each other and build each other up…” 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NLT)

“Don’t say anything that would hurt [another person]. Instead, speak only what is good so that you can give help wherever it is needed. That way, what you say will help those who hear you.” Ephesians 4:29 (GWT)

“So then, we must pursue what promotes peace and what builds up one another.” Romans 14:19 (HCSB)

“Do not take revenge or bear a grudge against members of your community, but love your neighbor as yourself; I am the LORD.” Leviticus 19:18 (CSB) 

Be wary of envy, jealousy, and covetousness—The Bible warns about this

“Do not desire to possess [covet] anything that belongs to another person–not a house, a wife, a husband, a slave, an ox, a donkey, or anything else.” Exodus 20:17 (CEV)

“Peace of mind makes the body healthy, but jealousy is like a cancer.” Proverbs 14:30 (GNT)

“An angry person is dangerous, but a jealous person is even worse.” Proverbs 27:4 (CEV)

“Surely resentment destroys the fool, and jealousy kills the simple.” Job 5:2 (NLT)

“For you are still controlled by your sinful nature. You are jealous of one another and quarrel with each other. Doesn’t that prove you are controlled by your sinful nature? Aren’t you living like people of the world?” 1 Corinthians 3:3 (NLT)

“But if you are bitterly jealous and filled with self-centered ambition, don’t brag. Don’t say that you are wise when it isn’t true. That kind of wisdom doesn’t come from above. It belongs to this world. It is self-centered and demonic. Wherever there is jealousy and rivalry, there is disorder and every kind of evil.” James 3:14-16 (GWT)

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” 1 Corinthians 13:4 (NIV)

“When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.” Galatians 5:19-21 (NLT)

“Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.” Galatians 5:26 (NLT)

“So get rid of all evil behavior. Be done with all deceit, hypocrisy, jealousy, and all unkind speech.” 1 Peter 2:1 (NLT)

“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” Philippians 2:3-4 (NLT)

“For the commandments say, “You must not commit adultery. You must not murder. You must not steal. You must not covet.” These—and other such commandments—are summed up in this one commandment: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”” Romans 13:9 (NLT)

Biblical examples we DON’T want to emulate of those who resented the good fortune of others:

• Cain resented Abel when God looked more favorably on Abel’s offering. (Genesis 4)
• Saul resented David’s success and the praise he received from others. (1 Samuel 18)
• The vineyard laborers (in Jesus’ parable) resented the other workers getting equal pay for working fewer hours. (Matthew 20)
• The Pharisees resented Jesus and the attention and following he was getting. (Matthew 27:18, Mark 15:10, John 7, John 11, John 12)

When we can’t rejoice at the good fortune of others, it may be revealing a harmful internal heart issue

If we find ourselves resenting others’ good news and blessings, we need to be very cautious because this could very well be an indicator of some toxic stuff going on in our hearts (see verses on envy, jealousy, and coveting above) and that of a victim mentality which can grow roots of bitterness and selfishness.

These kinds of heart issues may, in fact, actually be blocking those very blessings that we want (that others are getting). I truly believe God will not bless us with something that we are not yet ready to receive. Getting a blessing at the wrong time can lead to us hurting ourselves and/or others, and God loves us too much to allow us to cause further pain to anyone, ourselves included. His withholding of blessing (or answered prayers) might well be a form of protection for us or others.

I also firmly believe that God will not bless us with more until we learn to be content, have gratitude, and be a good steward of our current situation. For example, if we want a better job, we should be grateful for a job and treat our current job as if we are working directly for God. If we want a better car or home, we need to be thankful that we even have those things, in addition to taking good care of the car or home we have now.

“Whoever is faithful in very little is also faithful in much, and whoever is unrighteous in very little is also unrighteous in much.” Luke 16:10 (HCSB)

When it comes to relationships, God may not bless us with a partner, a child, etc. if our heart is not right at the moment. He may have some work to do on us internally first.

I like how this article states it:

“When we get upset that someone else got something we didn’t, what we’re really saying is “I wish God hadn’t blessed them.” We may be saying “I wish I had that, too,” but normally it’s not the fact that we don’t have it that set us off. It’s the fact that someone else does.

…The point is that God does not treat us all the same. He works in each of our lives to make us more like Him, and He knows each of us better than we even know ourselves. He knows what we need, and it might be different than what someone else needs. He doesn’t use a “one size fits all” approach but instead molds each of us with personalized care for His glory and for our good.”^[1]

God is big enough to bless us all!

God is a big enough God to bless us all. Just because He blesses someone else does not mean that He cannot or will not bless us. He never runs out of resources! The good fortune of others does not undermine God’s ability to bless me too! The blessings of others do not forfeit my own!

Take Some Practical Steps to Rejoice in the Good Fortune of Others:

• First, evaluate yourself.

When someone you know experiences good news, maybe even the kind you’d like to have yourself, what is your first reaction? Maybe it’s an engagement, a promotion, a new car, a new house, a new baby, an honor, a celebration, or a vacation… Do you get excited for them? Are you genuinely happy for the good fortune of others? Or… Do you feel a pang of jealousy? Do you have a “why not me” or “it’s not fair” reaction? Do you ever find yourself so bound by jealousy, envy, or covetousness that you cannot be genuinely happy for others?

• Secondly, don’t resent the good fortune of others—you may not know the whole story.

You may not know the full story of others. You don’t know what they might have been through to get to the point that they are today. To only view their current situation through your own lens and be critical of it is quite selfish and incomplete. Without the bigger picture, how can you make an accurate assessment? You can’t. You can only make assumptions, assumptions that are often inaccurate and unfair. If you DID know the whole story, you may find it a lot easier to be happier for others when they are blessed. Remind yourself of that.

• Next, make a choice (notice I said “choice”) to be happy for and rejoice in the good fortune of others.

It may not come naturally at first, but the more you make this choice the easier it will become. You are learning to die to self and truly love others. Let the Holy Spirit guide your actions (not your own feelings or natural inclinations), and then you will begin to kill that selfish, envious, bitter nature.

“Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” Luke 9:23 (NIV) *see also Matthew 16:24, Matthew 10:38, Mark 8:34, Luke 14:27

“If you are guided by the Spirit, you won’t obey your selfish desires.” Galatians 5:16 (CEV)

“And because we belong to Christ Jesus, we have killed our selfish feelings and desires.” Galatians 5:24 (CEV)

• Then, pray and ask God to help you get your heart right.

Ask God to soften your heart and to help you be able to genuinely rejoice at the good fortune of others.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10 (NIV)

“And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” Ezekiel 36:26 (NLT)

• After that, pray this heartfelt prayer asking God to reveal anything in you, or any heart issues that you might need to work on that could be hindering any blessings or answered prayers.

Repent of any bad attitudes or things that God shows you that need some correcting.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” Psalm 139:23-24 (NLT)

This post on 8 Hindrances to Prayer might also be helpful.

• In the meantime…learn to be content.

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:11-13 (NIV)

• Finally, be expectant and excited because you have a very big, powerful, and GOOD God that is quite capable and willing to bless you too. Be happy for others, then wait and watch what God will do for you!

What helps you celebrate the good fortune of others? Tell us about it by leaving a comment below.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are rude, disrespectful, sarcastic, offensive, or off-topic.  By posting on this site you agree to my Comment Policy.

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If you know anyone that could benefit from this, please pay it forward!  Share this post via the sharing links below.  “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV)

1. Kardamis, Linda. “God’s Not Fair (and What We Should Do About It).” Teach 4 the Heart, teach4theheart.com/gods-not-fair-and-what-we-should-do-about-it/. ↑