Feeling like you don’t fit in?  Somebody has already accepted you…

Acceptance is a big deal.  It seems like everyone I know has felt like they didn’t fit in at one point or another in their life.  It’s an awkward and uncomfortable feeling.  It can sometimes even cause some self-doubt and thoughts of “what’s wrong with me”.  At times being around certain people can even make us feel worse about ourselves.  The lack of acceptance by others is one of the common causes of insecurity.

It’s not a new issue either.  Timothy in the bible apparently didn’t feel accepted or didn’t feel like he fit in because he was young.  Paul had to explain to Timothy not to let his young age (or people who didn’t respect him because he was so young) get in the way of his ministry.

“Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.” 1 Timothy 4:12 (NLT)  

I heard a song on the radio the other day when I was riding with Eric.  It was actually a pretty catchy song, but listening to the lyrics made me a bit sad.  The song was “Cool Kids” by Echosmith.  Part of the lyrics say, “I wish that I could be like the cool kids ‘cause all the cool kids, they seem to fit in.  I wish that I could be like the cool kids, like the cool kids.”  I hear pain in this song.  I hear the hurt of not feeling the acceptance of others and not being able to fit in.  I hear a message that most people could relate to at some point in their life, myself included (“cool kids” might not even be kids). 

Some people comment on not liking the message this song sends.  I don’t necessarily take it as a “message” per se but as a cry out.  It’s a cry that can cause others to unite in a “me too”.  The only thing lacking is that there IS a solution to feeling this way.  The first part of the solution is the realization that those “cool kids” may not feel like they fit in either.  You want to know a secret?  Even the “cool kids” feel like imposters from time to time.  Secondly, know that you DO already fit in.  You already are a “cool kid”! 🙂  There is no need to compare yourself to other people. 

God already accepted us.  He accepts us where and as we are.  He doesn’t expect perfection…in fact He loves to show Himself off in our weaknesses—when we’re weak, He’s strong (see the “Flaws, Imperfections, Mistakes” post).

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NIV)

He doesn’t have unrealistic expectations of us (like we do for ourselves or like others may put on us).  We “fit in” with God.  He loves our quirks and He doesn’t care if we live on the Island of Misfit Toys! 🙂 

God accepts you—You have to do NOTHING to earn it.  He chose you and accepted you before you were even born and before the world began. 

“All things are done according to God’s plan and decision; and God chose us to be his own people in union with Christ because of his own purpose, based on what he had decided from the very beginning.” Ephesians 1:11 (GNT)

He thinks of us so often that it outnumbers the sand on the seashore!

“How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!  I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!” Psalms 139:17-18 (NLT)

We already have God’s approval. We shouldn’t seek the approval of others or be “people pleasers”.

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10 (ESV) 

Here is an analogy.  Imagine this scenario:

Imagine you meet the President of the United States.  He likes you!  He even offers you a job.  Of course you accept it.  You’re invited to private parties, and you also get exclusive and prestigious benefits.  Then you meet a staff assistant to the President.  There’s a personality conflict between the two of you, and he decided that he doesn’t like you.  He even says bad things to you and about you.

Do you care?  Maybe a little.  It’s got to hurt a bit when people don’t like you.  After all, you’re a likeable person right?  Why shouldn’t they like you?!  All in all, does it really affect you, your job, or your benefits?  No!  Because somebody way more important than him (aka the President!) already likes you, approves of you and has already given you special access and privileges (only revocable by the President).  You may not fit in with the staff assistant, but you fit in with the President!  The President’s approval of you has much more weight than that of a staff assistant.  The same is true of God!  God’s opinion and approval of you carries way more weight than any human being. 

If God is for you who could be against you!

Take some practical steps and keep these things in mind:

• Put yourself around people who help you to feel good about yourself not worse, and limit your contact with people who are negative to you and about you. You need to spend the majority of your time around people who build you up, not tear you down.  (Note: Keep in mind that with all things there is a healthy balance.  This does not mean to always surround yourself with people who always tell you what you want to hear.  A true friend will speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), but this is still meant to build you up and to help you be a better person even if it hurts a little.)

“Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.” Proverbs 27:6 (NLT)

• Learn to develop rubber skin. Let people’s opinions of you bounce right off!  Your worth and value are NOT based on other people’s opinions and assessment of you (see more on your value and self-worth here).  Don’t base your confidence on what other people think. 

  Learn to develop rubber skin. Let people’s opinions of you bounce right off!

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• Be unique in the midst of not fitting in. Be yourself.  Be the real you.  Be genuine.  You have a lot to offer and can bring a lot to the table even with your differences.  If everybody were exactly the same, then there would be a lot of people who are not needed!

• Don’t try to fit in to please others. You shouldn’t have to earn the acceptance and love of others.  Be a God-pleaser, not a people-pleaser–Galatians 1:10.

  Be a God-pleaser, not a people-pleaser–Galatians 1:10

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• Do what Paul told Timothy to do in 1 Timothy 4:12—Be an example.

• In moments of self-doubt, feeling like you don’t fit in and in feeling the disapproval of others, say out loud, “If God is for me, who could be against me?” and/or “Somebody more important than _____ already approves of me.”

• Know that you ALWAYS fit in with God. For goodness sake…He made you!

• Know that God accepts you and loves you…JUST AS YOU ARE!

When have you felt like you didn’t fit in?  What step to overcome this feeling will help you the most?  Leave a comment below (or click on the post link to join the conversation if you’re viewing through e-mail).  

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P.S.S.  If you have benefited from this post or if you know anyone that could benefit from this, please pay it forward and share this post with them via the sharing links below! “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV)