Importance of the Right Friends
“The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” (Proverbs 12:26 NIV)
In the previous post we talked about the importance of choosing friends wisely. More specifically, we discussed avoiding unequally yoked friendships. We focused primarily on what it means to be unequally yoked in close relationships. However, we did not spend a lot of time on the reasons why we should avoid these kinds of friendships. Therefore, in this week’s post I’d like to spend more time on the importance of the right friends.
When discussing unequally yoked team animals or draft animals, we mentioned that the mismatch can cause the animals to veer off path or course (even going in circles). The disparity can also lead to burdens on one or both of the animals, a loss of strength and energy, a loss of momentum and forward progression, a slower speed, and basically the animals are working against each other preventing both from completing the tasks set before them.
This is also true when we don’t have relationships with the right friends. Bad friends can endanger our course in life and turn us away from the right direction. They can also cause us undue burdens, deplete our energy and strength (mentally, emotionally, AND spiritually). Not having the right friends can slow us down and hinder our progress in life.
Friends can impact the direction of our life
We must guard our hearts when choosing the right friends. The bible says our hearts determine the course of our life. Therefore, not having the right friends (who affect our heart) can have a tremendous negative impact on the course and direction of our life.
“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Proverbs 4:23 (NLT)
Motivational speaker Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” Similarly, there’s another saying that goes, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” Both quotes allude to the power that friendships have on our progress in life and in our future.
Our friendships have significant impact on us. There are negative ramifications and consequences when we don’t have the right friends.
Here are a few listed in scripture:
When we don’t have the right friends, we can go astray and off the course that God has for us.
“The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” (Proverbs 12:26 NIV)
Wrong friends can lead us down a harmful path or cause us to suffer harm.
“Violent people mislead their companions, leading them down a harmful path.” Proverbs 16:29 (NLT)
“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Proverbs 13:20 (ESV)
Not having the right friends can corrupt our good character and good morals. A bad friend will lead us into sin and turn us away from God.
“Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”” 1 Corinthians 15:33 (NIV)
The wrong friends can cause us to come to ruin.
“One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24 (NIV)
Having the wrong friends can cause us to learn their ways, become like them, and trap ourselves in the same bad behaviors with the same problems they have. It reminds me of this previous post: People are like Cheetos—They rub off on you!
“Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.” Proverbs 22:24-25 (NIV)
The sin(s) of wrong friends can spread to us and others like yeast spreads throughout a batch of dough causing others to participate in more of the same sin.
“Your boasting about this is terrible. Don’t you realize that this sin is like a little yeast that spreads through the whole batch of dough? Get rid of the old “yeast” by removing this wicked person from among you. Then you will be like a fresh batch of dough made without yeast, which is what you really are. Christ, our Passover Lamb, has been sacrificed for us. So let us celebrate the festival, not with the old bread of wickedness and evil, but with the new bread of sincerity and truth.
When I wrote to you before, I told you not to associate with people who indulge in sexual sin. But I wasn’t talking about unbelievers who indulge in sexual sin, or are greedy, or cheat people, or worship idols. You would have to leave this world to avoid people like that. I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people.
It isn’t my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your responsibility to judge those inside the church who are sinning. God will judge those on the outside; but as the Scriptures say, “You must remove the evil person from among you.”” 1 Corinthians 5:6-13 (NLT)
Not having the right friends can cause us to miss out on blessings and true happiness.
“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers” Psalm 1:1 (ESV)
The companion suffers harm, not the fool.
I once learned a valuable lesson from my pastor many years ago that has always stuck out to me. It’s a lesson I now teach my own kids and students. The lesson is that it’s the friend of the fools, NOT the fools themselves who end up suffering harm, paying consequences, getting caught, getting in trouble, and so on.
“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Proverbs 13:20 (ESV) **The King James Version actually says “will be destroyed”.
Notice this verse says it’s the “companion of fools” NOT the “fool” that suffers harm. Did you ever get in trouble with someone even if you weren’t the one who initiated it? Some might say they were at the wrong place at the wrong time, but might it be having company with the wrong people?
I remember my pastor telling a story of when he was in high school attending a sporting event with some friends, and they weren’t the right kind of friends as he soon found out. These friends got into a verbal altercation with some guys from the opposing team. Although he wasn’t the one involved in the exchange (i.e. he was the “companion of fools”), somehow he got singled out and into a fight where he was outnumbered and mismatched. Then his friends drove off and left him there alone to fend for himself. It was he that suffered, not the fools who started it all.
I tell my kids all the time, “Mark my words…hang out with the wrong kind of people and it’s YOU that’s going to take the fall NOT them!”
God wants to protect us from that. It’s why there are so many verses about friendship, choosing the right friends, and avoiding the wrong ones.
Examples in the Bible
There are several examples in scripture of not having the right friends and the negative impact that followed. One that comes to mind is King Solomon and how he turned away from God due to the influence of ungodly wives (you can read the full story in 1 Kings 11).
“Now King Solomon loved many foreign women. Besides Pharaoh’s daughter, he married women from Moab, Ammon, Edom, Sidon, and from among the Hittites. The LORD had clearly instructed the people of Israel, “You must not marry them, because they will turn your hearts to their gods.” Yet Solomon insisted on loving them anyway. He had 700 wives of royal birth and 300 concubines. And in fact, they did turn his heart away from the LORD.” 1 Kings 11:1-3 (NLT)
King Solomon moved in a downward spiral at end of life because of bad influences that led to bad choices. Throughout the book of Ecclesiastes he talks over and over about his pursuits, decisions and choices as being “meaningless—like chasing the wind.”
We can also read another example in Ezekiel 44 about how God would not allow foreigners in the temple because of their negative influence. There were already some men of the tribe of Levi who abandoned God because of the negative influence of these foreigners, and they then turned many others in Israel away from God and toward idols. Consequently, they were restricted to only do jobs outside the temple because they previously led people astray. They were kept at a safe distance (like we previously discussed about unequally yoked friendships).
“But they encouraged my people to worship idols, causing Israel to fall into deep sin. So I have taken a solemn oath that they must bear the consequences for their sins, says the Sovereign LORD.” Ezekiel 44:12 (NLT)
Take Some Practical Steps to Understand the Importance of Right Friends:
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It’s important to understand the WHY behind the WHAT—Know WHY it’s important to have the right friends and avoid the wrong ones.
The WHAT is to avoid unequally yoked friendships. The WHY was discussed throughout this post. You need to understand the consequences. You need to come to a confident belief that bad/wrong friendships will harm you, your future, and your walk with God (again, this pertains to friendships that are close in nature, not casual friends). Otherwise, you will never be resolute in setting your boundaries and holding your ground. You will be easily swayed. If you don’t really believe that your friends will have an influence on you, you won’t take caution with who you choose to spend your time.
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Not convinced about the importance of right friends? Try the following:
If the scriptures and stories throughout the post weren’t enough to convince you, spend some extra time in prayer and/or study of the bible seeking God for additional understanding.
Consider doing a bible study or word study on “friendship” looking up verses pertaining to this topic (use a concordance).
Look at examples from your own past of when you made bad choices, went down a wrong path, or got into some trouble. Were other people involved? Might there have been an outside influence impacting those choices and directions?
Look at examples of others you know who made bad choices, went down a wrong path, or got into some trouble. What kinds of people were they hanging around when these things took place? Would you say they had some negative influences around them that impacted them?
What are some of the consequences you’ve seen from not having the right friends? Tell us about it by leaving a comment below.
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