Not Measuring Up to the Standards of Others?
Maybe you’re looking at the wrong standard.
The measuring stick of society and others around us cause many of us to deal with insecurity. Not measuring up to the standards of others is one of the 9 Common Causes of Insecurity. Everywhere we turn culture and society are telling us what we should and shouldn’t be. Society says you need a degree or some type of formal education to succeed. Commercials and reality TV show us the right car, the best house, and the perfect décor. Every magazine will tell us the right designer to wear, the cool shoes to have and even the best products that will apparently make us a “somebody”. Movies show the ideal family or what a “perfect” relationship/marriage looks like. All forms of media exhibit disgusting displays of what the perfect body of a man or woman should look like.
It’s amazing to me the amount of marketing dollars spent on advertisements to fix any flaw you could imagine. This isn’t just a modern issue either. Look at these old advertisements I found…
Vintage Vanity!
Many of us are surrounded with critical voices in our lives too. Expectations are thrust upon us from every direction—in our homes, in our jobs, in our schools, in our volunteering, with our families, with our friends, and on and on. We’re made to feel that if we don’t measure up to the standards of others we are somehow inferior.
So how do we overcome this?
We need our security to be based on a firmer foundation. Something that doesn’t shift, change or move. That foundation should be God’s standards, NOT the standards of others.
God’s standards never change (Malachi 3:6, Numbers 23:19, Hebrews 13:8, James 1:17). They aren’t flawed—in fact God even uses our flaws (see this post). His standards come with a dose of mercy, grace, and forgiveness, so when we don’t meet the standards (and we WILL miss the mark…a lot) we can be reassured that God will not write us off (Psalm 86:5, Psalm 145:8, Ephesians 2:4, Hebrews 4:16). We can just get right back up and start again, without needing to feel condemned or bad about ourselves. God, Himself, will not condemn us (Isaiah 43:25, John 3:17, Romans 8:1, 1 John 3:20). He loves us unconditionally…even when we fail (Romans 5:8, Romans 8:38-39).
Take Some Practical Steps to Overcome Not Measuring Up to the Standards of Others:
We need to adopt some new mindsets and then start acting accordingly.
- First and foremost…If we feel like we are not measuring up to the standards of others, we need to take inventory of our intake and reduce the junk. The old computer phrase “garbage in, garbage out (GIGO)” rings true. If we are constantly feeding on what everyone else tells us we should be, we won’t ever be able to be who God created us to truly be. We need to watch what we are watching. Basically, we need to quit looking at or reduce the things that make us feel inferior or make us feel that the things we have aren’t good enough. That might mean we quit looking at magazines, quit reading certain books, quit visiting certain internet sites, reduce our time on Pinterest (I know, I know!), and limit our amount of television. We may even have to limit our time around certain people that are constantly critical of us (NOT our spouse!). What do you look at or surround yourself with that causes you to feel you can’t measure up? How can you minimize that? I, personally, have had to limit the amount of romance dramas and comedies I watch and read so that I don’t hold unrealistic expectations and standards for my husband. I also have to limit my Pinterest play from time to time.
- We need to learn to draw boundaries and say “no” at times when the expectations or standards of others are too high. During certain times when people come to my house, it’s just going to be a mess. I’m sorry. Sometimes, it’s going to take me a little longer than usual to grade papers. Students will just have to deal with it. Sometimes, I’m going to say “no” when asked to volunteer or to take on an extra task. I can only do so much. I’m not Superwoman. I can’t let others make me feel bad about myself just because I have limitations. They don’t always know everything else I have to do or what I might be going through, and they don’t need to.
- We need to realize that sometimes the standards of others and society’s standards are wrong or flawed. For example, society says you need a degree to succeed—but many build successful businesses and lives without a formal degree. My parents are prime examples of this…AND they raised 5 children to boot! There are also many pastors without formal teaching or seminary training—even in the Bible, Jesus’ disciples were from a variety of backgrounds, and many people God used had no special training.
“But Amos replied, “I’m not a professional prophet, and I was never trained to be one. I’m just a shepherd, and I take care of sycamore-fig trees.” Amos 7:14 (NLT)
“The members of the council were amazed when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, for they could see that they were ordinary men with no special training in the Scriptures. They also recognized them as men who had been with Jesus.” Acts 4:13 (NLT)
- We need to realize that the standards of others (and of society) are always changing. The reality show Project Runway said it perfectly… “One day you’re in, the next day you’re out!” Trends are constantly changing. By the time you get the “right look” or the “right stuff”, those things will have changed and will have gone out of style. “OMG! Like, that purse is soooo last season!” (I say this in my head with a valley-girl voice) 🙂 By the way, did you SEE the vintage ad above about being skinny?!
- We need to realize that the standards of others often contain unrealistic expectations. For example, many men want women to look like the young, flawless, skinny porn stars. Many women want men to be the perfect prince charming, the epitome of romance, and the type who can read their minds and know what they want without having to ask (like on all the romantic comedies—aka women’s porn!).
- We need to realize that we, too, have unrealistic expectations of others. We need to do some self-examination. If we don’t like the standards of others, we look at our own standards that we impose on people in our lives and adjust them accordingly. Sometimes we dislike the things in others that we are, in fact, doing ourselves!
- We need to stop comparing ourselves to others. We feel inferior when we measure ourselves against the standards of others (see this post).
- We need to realize that the devil will ALWAYS lie and tell us that we aren’t _____ enough.
- We need to realize that God makes up our differences. When we aren’t _____ enough, He fills the gap. His grace makes up for our weaknesses…
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)
Jerry Maguire lied. 🙂 Only God can complete us.
“And in Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority.” Colossians 2:10 (NASB)
- We need to realize that we have complete and full ability with Christ.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13 (NKJV)
“But Jesus looked at them and said, “With men it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible.”” Mark 10:27 (NKJV)
“Not that we are fit (qualified and sufficient in ability) of ourselves to form personal judgments or to claim or count anything as coming from us, but our power and ability and sufficiency are from God.” 2 Corinthians 3:5 (AMP)
“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:4-5 (ESV)
- Lastly, we need to get familiar with the RIGHT standards. We need to spend regular time reading our bibles and getting familiar with God’s standards. We also need to forgive ourselves when we don’t measure up…because God already did.
What are some of the standards of others that you struggle with? Which mindset adjustments will help you the most? Leave a comment below (or click on the post link to join the conversation if you’re viewing through e-mail).
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