Overcome Insecurity Caused by a Tragic Circumstance or Incident 

Sadly many of us have had the misfortune of dealing with a tragic circumstance or incident in our lives which can lead to insecurities and affect our self-esteem and self-worth.  Painful and traumatic experiences can affect our identity and how we view ourselves.  Tamar in the bible had to deal with a tragic circumstance of being raped by her half-brother, Amnon, and she felt shame and lived in desolation thereafter.

“But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her, and since he was stronger than she was, he raped her … But now Tamar tore her robe and put ashes on her head. And then, with her face in her hands, she went away crying … so Tamar lived as a desolate woman in her brother Absalom’s house.” 2 Samuel 13:14, 19, 20b (NLT)  

There are a variety of traumatic experiences that could affect our perceived worth and value.  Death is a tragic circumstance that can sometimes cause low self-esteem.  When we lose someone close to us, we not only lose that person but we lose the role that we played with that person which can sometimes affect our self-worth.  We could potentially have feelings of insignificance, uncertainty, vulnerability, fear of the future, feeling of no longer being needed, etc.  These same types of feelings can accompany a divorce (a death of sorts) and even a traumatic health problem or injury (cancer, debilitating injury, etc.) in addition to insecurities about appearances if they have been altered in any way.  God HATES death and sickness and the pain and negative side effects that accompany them.  God wants to set us free from these and heal us (physically and emotionally).

“And the last enemy to be destroyed is death.” 1 Corinthians 15:26 (NLT)

“Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” Isaiah 53:4-5 (NIV)

Abuse (emotional, physical or sexual) is a tragic circumstance that can make us feel like we have little value.  It can lead to feelings that we are “damaged goods” or guilt that maybe we deserved the abuse somehow.  Many people that have suffered abuse start to believe the lie that they are worthless and aren’t deserving of love and affection.  God HATES abuse.  He wants to protect and avenge us from this.

“The LORD examines both the righteous and the wicked. He hates those who love violence.” Psalm 11:5 (NLT)

Infidelity (emotional, physical, or pornographic) is definitely a tragic circumstance that affects one’s self-esteem and one’s worth and value.  Often those on the receiving end of infidelity feel that if they were “enough” then the infidelity wouldn’t have happened.  This can lead to feelings of being unloved or unwanted as well as leading to comparisons with the other person(s) involved (i.e. affair partners or pornographic images).  The unfaithful person also struggles with negative feelings—especially guilt and a low sense of self-worth because of the pain that they have caused their loved one.  God HATES infidelity and the pain of the aftermath that it causes.  He wants to restore and heal people in these situations.

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)

“But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28 (NLT)

I’m sure there are many, many other examples of traumatic incidents that lead to insecurity other than the few examples I’ve given here.  Ultimately God hates them all.  He wants to free us from the pain that they cause.  He wants us to see ourselves the way HE sees us and get an accurate view of our self-worth and value.  

If you are a victim of a tragic circumstance, God wants you to know:

• Your circumstances don’t define you.

“Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.” Philippians 4:11 (NASB)

• You are NOT damaged goods.

“But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9 (NLT)

“…and provide for those who grieve in Zion– to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.” Isaiah 61:3 (NIV)

• You are not a product of your environment—you are a product of your CHOICES.

“Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!” Deuteronomy 30:19 (NLT)

• God is your avenger.

“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”” Romans 12:29 (ESV)

• God has your back.

“Then your salvation will come like the dawn, and your wounds will quickly heal. Your godliness will lead you forward, and the glory of the LORD will protect you from behind.” Isaiah 58:8 (NLT)

• God is a restorer—He’s a God of restoration.

“In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.” 1 Peter 5:10 (NLT)

• God heals you.

“Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases…” Psalms 103:2-3 (ESV)

• There is hope in your future.

“There is hope for your future,” says the LORD…” Jeremiah 31:17 (NLT)

• God will never leave you.

“…for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]” Hebrews 13:5 (AMP)

• Jesus came and died for you to have a full, happy, abundant life.

“The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).” John 10:10 (AMP)

• God can turn your tragic circumstance for good.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28 (NLT)

• God can bring you out even better on the other side.

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.” Genesis 50:20 (NLT)

• God can turn the tables on the devil and turn curses into blessings (evidenced in story after story…Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach & Abednego, Joseph, Jesus…).

“But the LORD your God refused to listen to Balaam. He turned the intended curse into a blessing because the LORD your God loves you.” Deuteronomy 23:5 (NLT)

Take Some Practical Steps to Overcome Insecurity Caused by a Tragic Circumstance or Incident:

1. If you’ve had a tragic circumstance, figure out what gives you peace and comfort and rest assured in that truth. What trait of God makes you feel safe?  For me, it’s that God will right all wrongs.  I love that He’s a God of complete justice.  I can rest assured that God will make things right even when I don’t always get to see it.  The bible says so, and I believe it.  God will be my avenger.

“For I, the LORD, love justice. I hate robbery and wrongdoing. I will faithfully reward my people for their suffering and make an everlasting covenant with them.” Isaiah 61:8 (NLT)

2. Don’t withdraw or isolate–it’s not good to be alone. People who have had a tragic circumstance or incident in their life tend to withdraw or isolate themselves from others.  You need to remember that what you face is not uncommon (1 Corinthians 10:13) even when you don’t feel like anyone understands (“nobody knows what I’m going through or what this feels like”—that’s a lie the devil wants you to believe to get you isolated and away from help, encouragement, delivery and/or restoration).  You are not alone.  Others have gone through the same or similar situations (and have even come out on the other side).  Jesus understands your pain too.

“Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” Genesis 2:18 (NLT)

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV)

3. Find support in others who do understand your tragic circumstance. You can possibly even find a support group (be cautious of this though that’s it’s not a Debbie-downer, whoa-is-me type of group—it should definitely be a place where you can get your feelings out and get validated, but it should also be uplifting, positive and encouraging).  Find someone who has come out on the other side of what you’ve gone through.  Talk to them, read books by them, listen to messages from them.  For example, many people who have suffered sexual abuse gain a lot of insight and healing from Joyce Meyer or Christine Caine, many who have had financial tragedies like bankruptcy learn a lot from Dave Ramsey, etc.

“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” 2 Corinthians 1:4 (NLT)

4. Do something to help someone else to get the focus off of you and on to others. Help someone else in need.  This can make you feel like you are a part of something bigger, thus boosting your self-worth and significance.  It can also help you to see that sometimes others are in even worse situations than yourself and help you to be thankful that things aren’t worse for you.  This can help you realize that things could always be worse.  Additionally, you’re helping someone else, and that’s always good.

“Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” Philippians 2:4 (NLT)

“When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.” Romans 12:13 (NLT)

5. Don’t take the guilt of your tragic circumstance. Even if it’s a circumstance of our own doing God can turn our mistakes into a success and our failures do not define us.  Even if you could have done things differently or could have prevented a traumatic incident, it’s in the past.  There’s nothing you can do about it now.  Learn where you can, and move on.  Leave the past behind you.  Let it even be a catalyst or launching pad into something even greater in the future.  I’ve heard it said many times, God will help you turn your mess into a message, your test into a testimony and your trial into triumph and a victim into a victory.  You have to quit looking behind you.

“The Lord says, “Forget what happened before, and do not think about the past. Look at the new thing I am going to do. It is already happening. Don’t you see it? I will make a road in the desert and rivers in the dry land.” Isaiah 43:19 (NCV)

What are some ways that you have overcome insecurity from a tragic circumstance or incident?  Leave a comment below (click on the post link to join the conversation if you’re viewing through e-mail) or take the conversation to your favorite social media channel (sharing links below). 

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If you have benefited from this post or if you know anyone that could benefit from this, please pay it forward and share this post with them via the sharing links below! “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 1 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV)