Using Empathy: The Practical and the Scriptural

Using Empathy The Practical and the Scriptural_title image

Using Empathy: The Practical and the Scriptural

Previously we talked about how there has been a decline in empathy and the importance of using an empathy filter and thinking before we speak so as not to hurt relationships. This week I’d like to take our discussion of empathy a step further to address both some of the practical and scriptural elements of using empathy. We’ll talk about what empathy is, some of the reasons for using empathy, see some examples in scripture of using empathy, and learn how to have and improve empathy.

The world needs more Christians who show genuine empathy. We all need people who will show true love, comfort, and compassion to people in pain. This is nothing new. Even in biblical times, David struggled to find comfort and empathy in those around him.

“Scorn has broken my heart and has left me helpless; I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found none.” Psalm 69:20 (NIV)

As Christians, we need to be the ones excelling in this area and setting the example. After all, we are called to follow Jesus, and he demonstrated empathy as did God, himself.

What exactly is empathy?

In short, empathy is the ability to:

  • Recognize emotions of others
  • Understand emotions of others
  • Participate in emotions of others

Empathy has a thought component (imagining or reflecting on the perspective of another) and a feelings component (an understanding of and participation in the emotions of another).

The following are some dictionary definitions of empathy:

  • Ability to understand and share the feelings of another
  • Action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner
  • Psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another

Empathy is also demonstrated by the ability to have understanding, compassion, sensitivity, and tact in addition to showing support for others both in word and action.

Here are some great, short video clips that explain empathy:

Empathy is a key component of emotional intelligence

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Empathy…The Filter We ALL Need

Empathy-The Filter We ALL Need title image

Empathy…The Filter We ALL Need

Recently, we discussed the importance of showing intentional kindness due to the world becoming more rude, uncivil, divisive, and lacking compassion. As divisiveness grows, polarization prevails, and kindness dissipates, there has also been a decline and loss of empathy. We’re seeing an unfortunate culture shift. There has been recent scientific research supporting the idea that people are caring less and less for others and more for themselves. One study found that levels of empathy significantly declined among young people from 1979 to 2009.[1]

Although, we probably don’t need a scientific study to tell us this when we can just look around at interactions taking place in the world around us and see the cruelty and apathy firsthand. People are becoming more desensitized, and harshness, coldness, callousness, and a lack of compassion are becoming the standard.

The Bible warns us about a decrease in empathy

Multiple places in scripture say that in the last days people will be scoffing, selfish, narcissistic, cruel, hardhearted, uncaring, insensitive, and lacking self-control, compassion, and love for those around them.

“Sin will be rampant everywhere, and the love of many will grow cold.” Matthew 24:12 (NLT)

“You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!” 2 Timothy 3:1-5 (NLT)

“Most importantly, I want to remind you that in the last days scoffers will come, mocking the truth and following their own desires.” 2 Peter 3:3 (NLT)

“They told you that in the last times there would be scoffers whose purpose in life is to satisfy their ungodly desires. These people are the ones who are creating divisions among you. They follow their natural instincts because they do not have God’s Spirit in them.” Jude 1:18-19 (NLT)

Some recent personal experiences of an empathy deficit

Unfortunately, I’ve had some recent experiences of seeing an empathy deficit firsthand…by a doctor, a family member, and a student. Continue reading

What I Learned From a Bunny About Reaching the Lost

What I Learned From a Bunny About Reaching the Lost: Helping People Without Pushing Them Away

What I Learned From a Bunny About Reaching the Lost: Helping People Without Pushing Them Away

Several years ago my husband stumbled upon something pretty cool in our backyard.  It was a bunny nest.  Apparently, a rabbit had built a nest in our backyard under the kid’s playset, and when my husband moved it to mow he realized something moving around when he mowed over the area.  Now don’t panic (yet)…none of the babies were hurt.

So we moved the playset back over the top of the nest, and I scooped up one of the little escapees and nestled him back in with his siblings so he would be safe.  We were even able to watch the momma bunny come back later that evening and nurse the babies as they hopped out from under the playset to meet her.  We are some major animal lovers at our house (ok…maybe just my daughter and myself) so this was REALLY cool for us. We come across a variety of wildlife at our house, and we love being able to appreciate them.

What happened next…

What I Learned From a Bunny About Reaching the Lost: Helping People Without Pushing Them Away

Bunny Nest

I wondered about those baby bunnies all night.  Well, the next day after dropping my kids off at school I went home and let my dog outside, watching her to make sure she didn’t go near the nest.  I noticed several very large crows hovering in the trees over our backyard and flying around.  Then I noticed a cat in the wooded area behind our back fence, and sure enough, my dog went straight over to the playset and started sniffing around.

So I went outside to redirect her and shoo away the crows and cat.  To my horror (now you can panic), I discovered that the bunny nest had apparently been attacked by some predator.  Several of the bunnies were missing, and I found remains of partially eaten bunnies and 2 more that hadn’t been eaten but had apparently been killed.  I was mortified!

I noticed there were still 2 babies in the nest.  Then, I decided to survey the area for any others and clean up the area to avoid any more predators (probably why the crows were lurking overhead).  I found two more babies that were out of the nest.  One was further underneath the playset, and one was against the back fence.  I retrieved them both to put them back in their nest and get them out of the open.

However, one of the bunnies kept hopping back out and running into the open again when I did.  I kept talking to him and said, “Hey, I’m trying to help you.  I’m not going to hurt you, just trying to save your life.  I’m a friend, not an enemy.”  He was understandably very frightened (and apparently couldn’t speak human!). Each time I put him in the nest, he kept running back out until he eventually ran to the fence and underneath it into the wooded area behind our house.

I had to let him go.  I said a quick prayer for him and his safety as he hopped away.  He didn’t understand that I was trying to help him and that I actually loved him and wouldn’t hurt him.  He didn’t understand that I had his best interest in mind.

A spiritual analogy for reaching the lost revealed

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Be Kind: Put On Your Kindness Hat!

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Be Kind: Put On Your Kindness Hat!

We live in such a polarized world these days. Even people within their own “in-group” are at odds in many cases, Christians NOT being exempt from this. Strife abounds, and we don’t have to look far to find turmoil, political and social unrest, religious animosity, rudeness, incivility, and unkindness. The t-shirt and bumper sticker saying rings true: Mean people suck. God calls us to be different though. He calls us to a higher standard–to be kind, even when it’s undeserved. It’s high time we all put on our kindness hats!

Last week I created a resource page with scriptures about kindness and the kindness of God. Those scriptures will serve as a foundation for this post where we’ll discuss some of the characteristics of kindness and what being kind might look like in action, in addition to WHY we should be kind and HOW to be kind, especially when it’s not easy or might not come naturally.

Characteristics of kindness

In many New Testament scriptures about kindness or instructions to be kind, the original Greek language defines some of the characteristics of kindness that are relayed.

Some of the Greek words (stemming from the same root) include “chrestos”, “chrestotes”, and “chresteuomai”. The meanings and characteristics include things like…

    • Kindness, to be kind
    • Gentleness, to be gentle
    • Goodness, to be good
    • Graciousness, to be gracious or offer grace
    • to be considerate and thoughtful of others
    • to show oneself useful (in manner and morals)
    • excellence (in character or demeanor)
    • to act benevolently
    • to be friendly

In some scriptures, and in the original language, the word “kindness” is paired or interchanged with “gentle spirit” (“epiekes” in Greek). This carries the meaning of things like…

    • Gentle
    • Moderation
    • Patient
    • Mild
    • Appropriate (fair, equitable, reasonable)
    • to be considerate
    • to be kind
    • Reasonableness
    • Unselfishness
    • Forbearing Spirit
    • Graciousness
    • Mercy
    • Tolerance

Some verses in different translations can relay and expand in these characteristics and meanings:

“Be kind and helpful to one another, tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 (AMP)

“And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 (AMPC)

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” Galatians 5:22-23 (NLT) *See the similar characteristics that go hand in hand with kindness

“Your kindness should be known to all!” Philippians 4:5 (NAB)

“Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.” Philippians 4:5 (NLT)

“Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.” Philippians 4:5 (NIV)

God turns people around with kindness…We need to take a cue

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