Category Archives: Problem Solving

This Will Change How You View Stress

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Read this post to change how you view stress...

This Will Change How You View Stress 

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 (ESV) 

To complement last week’s post about being stressed out, I thought we’d revisit a previous post on a different way of looking at stress…

This past week in my college classes we were discussing stress…including its symptoms, causes, advantages, disadvantages, and how to manage it.  Since we are all about being Happy, Healthy and Prosperous at this website, I thought it fitting to discuss stress here too since it can have an impact on all three areas…our happiness, our prosperity and definitely our health.

The dictionary defines stress as physical, mental or emotional strain or tension.  Things that happen in our life can contribute to strong feelings of worry or anxiety.  We can also feel stress when a variety of demands on us increase or when we feel threatened by a situation.  There are many things that can factor in or add to stress, and most commonly stress has a negative connotation.  Stress can, however, be leveraged for good if balanced properly.

In class I showed a TED Talk video about how to make stress your friend.  This video greatly changed the way I have always perceived stress.  After viewing it myself, I immediately wanted to share it with my friends and family.  I would also like to share it here.  The video is about 14 minutes long, but it’s well worth the watch when you have the time.  Who knows…It may even prolong and enhance your life!  If you don’t have time to watch it now, I highly encourage you to bookmark the video link page and watch it later.  You can watch/bookmark the video on the TED website by clicking here or by clicking on the YouTube site link here (both sites have a “Watch Later” option).

Our perception affects stress’s impact

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Stressed Out?

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Stressed Out?

I don’t typically think of myself as a person who gets stressed out easily, and I don’t often get too overwhelmed. I’m a fairly good multitasker–not necessarily good at doing several things at once but being able to prioritize several things. Since all of the COVID-19 mess and shelter-in-place orders though, everything seems equally urgent and important. Additionally, so many things lately are completely out of my control, which I DON’T like.

There were multiple things to do, all with a sense of urgency. I was wearing many hats and had lots of things on my plate. So many things were time consuming, and it never seemed like there was enough time to get it all done. I love a good to-do list because they tend to help me feel less stressed. Though one day I made a to-do list with about 8-10 items on it…I only finished 2 of them that day, which made me feel even worse.

On top of that, several people were making demands of me, and it felt like everybody wanted (insert demand) RIGHT NOW. I hate letting people down, and I always want to lend a helping hand where I’m able. However, I found myself getting irritated about not getting my stuff done because of people asking and expecting me to do things.

Thus, I would definitely have labeled myself as very stressed recently. I have found a few things that have proven extremely helpful during this season, so I thought I would pass them along in case others might be a little stressed too.

Helpful advice from others when I’m stressed

It’s always a good idea to have a good support system and to reach out and take heed to the counsel of trusted people in your life. Fortunately I surround myself with an excellent support system that can talk some sense into me when I don’t always think clearly. My husband, Eric, reminded me that sometimes it’s okay to let some things go. He pointed out where I might be putting unrealistic expectations on myself.

My boss at the college where I teach reiterated to me that we are in “good enough” mode, not “best practices” mode. I think she knows how we like to do our jobs with excellence, but she reassured us that the college would be understanding in times of crisis where we sometimes just need to do what it takes to get by.

I had some great counsel from a couple of friends who already homeschool their kids and work from home. They were able to guide me to be flexible with a routine, not rigid (not my structured-self tends to be) and to remember that each child is different and would work at different paces and have different needs.

I received counsel and a few other friends and family members reminded me that I need to set boundaries, say “no”, ask for help, and delegate what I can.

All of the advice and reminders really helped to lift a weight I felt. In addition to these things, I spent some extra time reading devotions about managing stress and spending some extra time in prayer and reading my Bible, where I was able to get even more wise counsel on being stressed. Specifically, I was able to pull out a few strategies from reading Philippians 4. Check them out…

Take Some Practical Steps When You Are Stressed Out:

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Jesus Will Carry Your Burdens

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Jesus Will Carry Your Burdens.

Jesus Will Carry Your Burdens

**This post was one I wrote several years ago, on February 17, 2015 during a sad, heavy-hearted time. While I am not currently sad, or heavy-hearted, I know that many are, and many are carrying extra burdens, extra duties, and extra cares & stresses during this present time in our world. I’d like to revisit this post with reminders for times like these.**

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalm 34:18 (NLT) 

My heart is so heavy, burdened and sad this past week.  I have had to remind and tell myself that “Jesus will carry your burdens.”  I am fine, and I have had no personal loss.  Unfortunately though some of my friends have, which makes me hurt for them.  For some reason I just feel like there’s so much sadness (like I said…my heart feels heavy).  If you know me at all, you know that I’m a person of great empathy.  I hurt when others hurt.

This past week a friend of mine unexpectedly lost her husband.  I can’t even begin to imagine the pain and suffering that she and her children must be enduring.  There’s also a feeling of helplessness because there is absolutely nothing that I can say or do to take away any of their pain.  I absolutely HATE death and the pain that it brings with it.

Sad times

On the same day that I learned about my friend’s husband, I saw that Continue reading →

Prayer for Time of Crisis

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Prayer for Time of Crisis

This week I wanted to share a Prayer for Time of Crisis (with some foundation scriptures). This prayer is timely during the COVID-19 crisis that our world is currently facing.

A few helpful things to remember during a time of crisis:

  • Our first response during times of crisis should be to go to the Bible to see what God’s word has to say about it.
  • Crisis happens all the time. Whenever a crisis comes up, God has something for us to grab right in the middle of it.
  • If you give the devil enough rope, he’ll hang himself. Satan often overplays his hand, and the very attacks he makes are often the very things that seal his fate. He brings about his own undoing, and God will turn the tables on him bringing his people out even better on the other side of crisis.
  • The people of God come out in victory on the other side because of faith. If we keep our faith, we will get the victory. We have to fight to keep our faith. The devil will try to steal it from us because he knows that’s how we will get our victory.

“For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith.” 1 John 5:4 (NLT)

“Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.” 1 Timothy 6:12 (NIV)

  • Just because we experience crisis doesn’t mean that we aren’t living right or following God. Jesus even told us trouble would come to us.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (NIV)

Take Some Practical Steps to Pray During This Time of Crisis:

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“Test Me”…Caution: Invites Harsh Conditions

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“Test Me”…Caution: Invites Harsh Conditions

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” Psalm 139:23-24

I’ve mentioned before that it’s a good practice to start your quiet times or Bible reading times with these verses in Psalms as a prayer:

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” Psalm 139:23-24

It’s a great way to do a regular heart check and listen for God to reveal anything to us that we might need to work on. I actually have these verses written inside the cover of my journals as a daily opening prayer. First, I’ll pray these verses. Then, I’ll try to sit quietly and just listen and pay attention to anything that comes to mind. If something does, I’ll confess it right then and repent, asking God to basically clean me up!

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10 (ESV)

Recently I saw Psalm 139:23-24 from a different perspective and realized that there might be a little more to this request than just sitting and listening for God to show me areas that need some work or improvement.

“Test”: Hebrew (H974) בָּחַן bâchan

A couple of weeks ago as I was going through this process of saying the verses, the words “test me” stood out to me. That’s usually a prompt for me to dig in a little deeper. So I did! I looked up the Hebrew word for “test” used here in this verse.

“test”: Hebrew (H974) בָּחַן bâchan

The Hebrew definition stated that it means to try, improve, examine, scrutinize, tempt, try/trial, to investigate, or to test (especially metals). Then the part about testing metals stood out to me. Immediately an analogy came to mind.

We like to watch the show “Forged in Fire” on the History Channel where they make weapons, typically knives and swords, out of metal. Throughout the show, which is a competition, they test the weapons (and therefore the metal). This testing phase is to see how the weapons hold up, to see where weaknesses or imperfections are, and to make sure the weapons can withstand use in battle.

Therefore, when I am praying Psalm 139:23-24 not only am I asking got to point out things in me that He doesn’t like, I’m also asking Him to test me like the metal of those weapons on “Forged in Fire” to find any flaws, weaknesses, and imperfections. These are things that may hinder me later which can cause me not to be able to fight any physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual battles properly. Additionally, weaknesses or flaws could potentially cause me to “break” if not identified and dealt with.

Our strength can be tested like that of metal weapons to find any flaws, weaknesses, and imperfections.

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The “test me” phase

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Burn the Ships

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Burn the Ships

A couple months ago I heard a song for the first time called “Burn the Ships”, by for KING & COUNTRY (video below). I got really excited to show my son the song because he had just told me the story about the Spanish explorer and conquistador, Hernán Cortés, who burned his ships to give his men motivation to fight. I never remembered learning about this story before.

He had actually learned it from his baseball coach this year. In fact, it’s one of the team’s mantras this year. You see, last year the team made the state playoffs but just missed making it to the championship game. This year their coach didn’t want that to hold them back. He said they need motivation just like Cortés’ men did in order to conquer the new land. They have to fight in order to survive.

For the baseball team, the metaphorical ships are their past (the past losses, being an ordinary team, almost winning, etc.). They needed to burn them down, get out of their shell, and fight as a team this year. To symbolize this, the team huddles up and shouts “1-2-3-BTS!” (BTS=Burn the ships) The back of their hoodies this year also say “Burn the Ships”.

Hernán Cortés-Burn the Ships

Cortés was said to have burned his own ships upon arrival in Veracruz, Mexico in 1519 to prevent the retreat of his men. This would send a clear message—that there was no turning back! After doing a little bit of research I discovered that Cortés, in fact, may not have actually burned the ships. There is some dispute about whether or not he burned the ships or instead sank, scuttled, or ran them aground. Additionally it is debated whether or not he actually spared one ship to send to King Charles V in Spain with a portion of the treasure from his conquest.

Regardless of the “how”, it is evident from history that the ships were indeed destroyed. Thus, the result and reasoning remain the same…to prevent retreat and ensure his men were committed to their mission. Cortés knew one thing: retreat is easy when you have the option. Therefore, to burn the ships is to cut all sources of retreat. Consequently he removed any obstacles that could potentially hold his men back from giving their full effort. The message? “Succeed or die. We are not leaving this place alive unless we win.”

A reminder to me

This reminded me of a particular time that I too had to burn the ships at one time. 10 years ago our marriage was in a deep and dark place, to the point of separation and divorce papers. It was very broken—beyond any repair that we could humanly do. Only by God’s grace, forgiveness, and power was our marriage restored.

Tattoo rings...symbols of what God has done

My tattoo ring is a reminder to me of what God has done in my marriage

We symbolically burned the ships when we literally burned our divorce papers. (I had a picture I was going to post of us burning them with fireworks on the 4th of July, but I can’t seem to find it.) My “ship” was divorce, and by burning that it took that option off of the table forever. Then on our 15 year anniversary, five years later, we re-committed with another symbolic (yet quite permanent!) declaration by getting tattoos on our wedding ring fingers as a reaffirmation of our vows.

Last month (December 2019) we celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. The traditional “gift” for 20 years is china, so I made Eric a mosaic out of a broken piece of china of my grandmother’s. This mosaic represented how God made something new and beautiful out of something very broken. This was only possible because we committed to burn the ships and decided to look ahead to the possibility and promise of something new.

Mosaic china heart

Mosaic china label

Still need reminders on occasion

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Is God Enlarging Your Capacity?

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Is God Enlarging Your Capacity?

I mentioned recently that I’ve been coming across a lot of opposition in a variety of areas. At times it’s seemed a bit overwhelming, and it started getting me to question why I was getting hit with so much. My boss at the college where I teach even joked with me not long ago saying, “Why are you always the one getting all of these weird, off-the-wall situations?” To which I responded, “You know, I’d really like to know the answer to that!” Well…I think I got it.

One morning after teaching one of my classes at Glory House, I was visiting with Ms. Susie, the Executive Director, about all the junk that I had been dealing with lately. During our conversation I said, “Why am I ALWAYS the one getting this stuff and having to deal with this stuff?” Ms. Susie answered quite frankly, “God is enlarging your capacity.”

Then I was like, “Oh no! I’ve been praying exactly that–for God to enlarge my capacity!” (insert face slap) I had prayed those exact words “enlarge my capacity”. These things were happening as an answer to my own prayer…an indirect answer of course! God didn’t just enlarge my capacity. He allowed me to encounter challenges that would stretch me and force my capacity to increase, to make my normal capacity boundary lines larger. I guess this is kind of like when people warn you not to pray for patience! Because you don’t just automatically get patience, you get opportunities for your patience to grow.

Our capacity must increase

About a month prior to this conversation, I had done a Bible reading plan about growing leadership capacity. In the plan, it said that in order “to see our dreams fulfilled and to continue having influence in God’s Kingdom, our capacity must increase.”[1] It talked about facing challenges, pressure, and stress to adjust our ability to manage those things (because we need to reach our potential). We don’t get rid of these things by running from them.

“The key to increasing your capacity is to decide you will allow God to work in your life, to stretch you beyond your comfort zone and enlarge your capacity to overcome challenges.”[2]

Easier is not always better. This reminded me of a butterfly emerging from its cocoon. It HAS to go through the struggle and the challenge of fighting its way out of that cocoon. Those stresses and pressures against it are what enable it to become stronger. Without that process, the butterfly would be too weak to do what it was intended to do, and the same is true for us at times. Sometimes we need the struggle to make us stronger and to enlarge our capacity and ability to accomplish the things that God has called us to do.

Sometimes we need the struggle to make us stronger and to enlarge our capacity and ability.

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Making room for growth by enlarging capacity

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Suffering for the Benefit of Others

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Suffering for the Benefit of Others

Suffering for the Benefit of Others

Do you ever seem to have “rare” problems or situations frequently happening to you or in your realm of influence? Then, of course you’re going to be the one to stand up and do something about it, take a stand for the right thing, or even advocate for the cause and benefit of others. Do you ever seem to be the one that is constantly having to fight the battles or go through stuff that others seem to be immune to for some reason? Or does it seem like that you are always the one having to point something out?

You can’t help but ask, “Why don’t these things happen to other people? Why am I the only one to witness or notice something which needs attention? How is it that I always have to deal with these types of people? Why do these kinds of problems always happen to me or on my watch? Why am I always the one suffering?”

This seems to happen to me quite often. It just sometimes seems like I’m frequently the one holding my ground, solving the problem, fighting the fight, seeking better communication, pointing out wrongs, and/or advocating for others, and so on.

I find myself sarcastically saying things like…

“Of course it’s my kid…”

“Of course that rare instance happened in my class…”

“I’m not surprised that I’m the only one who didn’t get that or who noticed that…”

Is it just me?

These situations seem very rare and the fact I’m having to deal with “rare” situations quite often feels very isolating. I’m sure I’m not alone in dealing with this, but it feels that way at times (as I’m sure it does for you too). Even though these situations often result in the good and benefit of others, I can’t help but question why these kinds of things are always happening to me.

A good friend of mine frequently tells me it’s because God knows I can handle it. He knows I’m strong, and he knows that I’ll do something about it. I typically respond, “Well, why can’t he pick someone else!?” I even said the other day, “I’m just going to say that I’m not strong enough, and I can’t handle it.” To which she replied something like, “Yeah that’s the thing…you can’t fool God.”

Sometimes I would prefer that somebody else just address things or handle problems. Unfortunately for me it’s not in my nature to turn a blind eye. For some crazy reason, God built in me a problem solving, championing, crusader-like character trait. I will stand and fight for the right thing even when it’s exhausting…even when I feel ill-equipped…even when the end results don’t always go my way. Are you this way too?

Seeing suffering through a different lens

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