Recognizing God’s Love By Building Your Relationship With Him–Part 2

Last week I started a reply to comment that I received on a previous post, “How to Overcome Feeling Unloved or Unwanted”.  I shared that learning to recognize God’s love is a process that takes time and starts with building a relationship with God.  This week I’d like to finish up my reply by giving the intentional steps that we need to take in order to build our relationship with God and to learn how to feel God’s love.  I will give more details on what more is needed besides attending a getaway, retreat or conference in order to have lasting healing and success.

Reader’s Comment:

“I’m 59, and to this day still feel unloved. I believe what you say about God’s love for us. I can’t seem to sit and really spend time with him. I do talk to Him all day here and there. I know in my mind He loves me but the rest of me doesn’t. I’m so insure from lack of feeling love I push people away. I hate it. I have five kids whom I love so much along with 9 grandkids. At this point I prefer to be dead, but I don’t want to give up. I want to know true love (not from a man at this point divorced twice) and happiness here on earth before I die. Are there places to go for a week or 2 for adults to get away and have bible studies or spiritual help?”

Previously I addressed that there’s a need for some emotional and spiritual healing to take place.  I gave an analogy of a broken arm and how a cast (like a retreat or a conference) is the start of the healing process, but more healing needs to take place on the inside by taking some steps on purpose to have lasting, long-term recovery.  I mentioned that the 4-step Formula for Success would be beneficial in this process.  The formula consists of learning, taking action, using persistence, and make sure we have support. 

Take Some Practical Steps to Build Your Relationship With God:

Learn

The first step we need to intentionally take to build our relationship with God (and to learn to recognize God’s love by spending time with him) is to learn about him.  There are several ways to do this.

• One way to learn about God is to find a good church home. It should be a teaching church, helping people to understand and apply God’s Word.  We can watch some churchs’ messages online, but it’s best to go to an actual physical location on a regular basis.

“And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.” Hebrews 10:25 (NLT)

• Another essential component of learning is to have a daily quiet time (subscribe to my site—get 10 steps to an effective quiet time and follow the steps). If we are not used to doing this, it’s best just to baby step our way into it.  A lot of people have the misconception that if they have a daily quiet time it needs to be 30 minutes to an hour right from the start.  This is sometimes difficult to do for beginners.  It’s easiest to start with just a few minutes a day and grow from there.  I had to start with getting up 10-15 minutes earlier to do this and/or use my lunch break to do this.  I have also had a quiet time right before bed too.  Getting in the habit of a regular quiet time can be challenging, as is anything worthwhile—exercising, eating right, etc.  We have to be very intentional and purpose to do it.  We should also expect that we might not feel like it or want to do it a lot of the time, but we have to make up our mind to do it anyway, even when we don’t feel like it.  Often later the feelings and the “want to” will follow.  It’s helpful to find some devotions or reading plans.  YouVersion has many different kinds of reading plans and devotions  We can also visit the local Christian bookstore to get some great devotional books.  To find a suitable devotional, we need to look through the books/devotions until we find one that “speaks” to us or stands out more than the others.  I highly recommend anything by Beth Moore or Joyce Meyer as a great place to start.  They are both great teachers to those who feel broken due to their own personal struggles in life.

“But they delight in the law of the LORD, meditating on it day and night. They are like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit each season. Their leaves never wither, and they prosper in all they do.” Psalm 1:2-3 (NLT)

“Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do.” Joshua 1:8 (NLT) 

• One extremely helpful way to learn is to listen to some teaching or podcasts on a regular basis. This has helped me tremendously in building my relationship with God.  This is a great way to build faith too in addition to gaining knowledge and understanding.  To find time to do this I had to find ways of fitting it into my regular routine.  I didn’t even have to find time to sit down to do it.  I used to listen to podcasts via MP3 player or listen to CD messages while I was driving, and now I use my phone and earbuds to listen as I move around.  I like to listen as I walk around the neighborhood, while doing housework (dishes, laundry, sweeping, yardwork/gardening, etc.), or even while at work as I do paperwork, etc.  I would recommend finding a pastor/speaker that has a teaching style that you like.  We can also look up messages by topic—that’s actually how I have found some of my favorite teachers/speakers.  Terri Savelle Foy has some wonderful 10 minute weekly messages that I listen to regularly now, and I found her when I was doing some searches on messages for insecurity.  She’s one of my favorites now!  I also love my own church/pastors—Church on the Move. Other favorites and excellent teaching include Willie George, Rick Renner,  Elevation Church (Steven Furtick), Life Church (Craig Groeschel), Fellowship Church (Ed Young), Valley Family Church (Jeff and Beth Jones), Rick Warren, Joyce Meyer, Joe McGee, Beth Moore, Christine Caine, Lisa Bevere, and Lysa TerKeurst.  There are many, many more that I love, but these are some of my regulars.
• An additional way to learn is to find and join a local bible study group. These can often be located through local churches and/or word of mouth.  I’ve benefited from a few different bible studies sponsored by local churches (even though they weren’t my home church).  Local Christian bookstores might also be able to recommend some local bible studies.
• Lastly, subscribing to one or more Christian blogs can be a valuable resource for learning more about God. I have several blogs that I follow regularly.  My hope is that my site might also prove to be a helpful resource to gain additional insight and encouragement and to help others build their relationship with God.

Action

After learning, we need to start putting the things that we’ve learned into action.  We need to start applying those things that were taught at church, in our quiet times, on the podcasts, in bible study, and/or on the Christian blogs.  We shouldn’t try to do too much at once or we’ll get overwhelmed.  We should just baby step our way into them and do those things on a consistent basis until it becomes a habit.

“But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.” James 1:22 (NLT)

Persistence

The next step is to be persistent.  We must not get afraid or discouraged and give up when our situations and circumstances around us don’t look like “success”.  We must not let our circumstances and our feelings dictate our actions, and we must not get distracted.  It will not always be easy living a Christian life.  We need to persist.  We can’t give up.  When we mess up (and we will!), we can’t quit.  God will be our strength to help us persist when we don’t have the strength on our own.  He makes up the difference.  Our pastor gave an example of a rubber band once to demonstrate not giving up.  When we are pulled backwards by the devil, our circumstances or even our own feelings, as long as we don’t give up we will be launched even farther forward than where we first started.  However, if we give up and let go, we will go backward.

“The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again.  But one disaster is enough to overthrow the wicked.” Proverbs 24:6 (NLT)

“So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” Galatians 6:9 (NLT)

Support

The last step is making sure we have support.  Support can come from a variety of areas.

• First, we can rest assured that we are never alone. God promises to NEVER leave us. He promises that He is always with us wherever we go.  He promises that He will never fail us or abandon us.  Even when we don’t see or feel Him, He is always there.  God is for us, so who could be against us?  We can and should always go to God when things get tough.  It also very important to remember that God DOES support us, but our relationship with God goes two ways (as does any relationship).  We can’t expect to build relationship and recognize His love if we are not listening to him.  The reader commented “I do talk to Him all day here and there”.  My question then is, “Do you take some of that time to actually stop and listen?”  Communication goes two ways.  To get and feel love you have to be willing not only to talk and tell your side but to also listen to get the answers that you are looking for.  You have to give room for God to answer you back.  It would be silly and unwise for us to seek help, support or love from anyone and then not pay attention or give them an opportunity to show or answer us.  (To learn more about listening to God or learning to recognize God’s voice click here.)

“What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:31 (NIV)

“…for He (God) Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. I will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake you nor let you down (relax My hold on you)!  Assuredly not!” Hebrews 13:5(AMP)

• We need people!  We must stay connected with people and don’t withdraw or isolate ourselves (in good times OR bad). We need to have people that will be there for us when we need them.  This is where a support group or good system of friends is extremely beneficial. We need these kind of people around us to encourage us and to call on if we need prayer or even just to talk.  God designed us to be relational people—we were not meant to do life alone.  Isolation is one of the enemy’s biggest weapons.  We shouldn’t isolate ourselves.

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NLT) 

• Another place to find support is to get plugged in into a local church. We can talk to a pastor, get involved/volunteer, find a small group (get around other like-minded Christians that we can be real with and who can pray for you and be there when you’re having a rough day or just need to vent), and/or get support in a bible study.
• We can also learn how to support and encourage ourselves. David did this (1 Samuel 30:6).  One way we can do this is to write down and remember those moments when we really truly felt loved and go back to and remember those moments during tough times.  Another way to encourage ourselves is to start a gratitude journal (some ideas of how to do that here).  I, personally, also find it very encouraging to surround myself with bible verses.  A lot of times I’ll write them on index cards and post them on my bathroom mirror, above light switches, on cabinet doors, on my car console, etc.—just in places where I’ll see them regularly. (For more on how to encourage yourself and get through a hard time click here.)
• In addition, we can find support in those for whom we know we need to stay strong. The reader commented that he/she had children and grandchildren.  That is reason enough to give us a purpose to hang in there.  We have a purpose and a need to teach and be an example for others.  God can love us through our family too.  God often shows his love for us through other people.

“These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God. In the same way, encourage the young men to live wisely. And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching. Teach the truth so that your teaching can’t be criticized. Then those who oppose us will be ashamed and have nothing bad to say about us.” Titus 2:4-8 (NLT)

Doing these steps will help us to build our relationship with God.  We will gradually get closer to Him.  James 4:8a says, “Come close to God, and God will come close to you.”   Throughout this process, He will become a dear friend to us and we will learn to recognize that we are loved.

What has help you to build your relationship with God and to feel His love?  Leave a comment below (click on the post link to join the conversation if you’re viewing through e-mail) or take the conversation to your favorite social media channel (sharing links below). 

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