Recognizing God’s Love By Building Your Relationship With Him–Part 1

**Read Part 2 here

With any relationship, you need to build it by spending time with one another and learning more about each other.  This is how love grows.  Our relationship with God is no different.  We need to spend time with him and learn about him in order to cultivate and grow love in that relationship.  It’s also a process that doesn’t happen overnight or even in a week.

This week’s post is another response to a comment that I received on a previous post, “How to Overcome Feeling Unloved or Unwanted”.  Some responses just take more than a quick reply if I’m doing them justice.  My prayer is that I can give this hurting person some hope and guidance to further recognize God’s love by learning how to build relationship with him.

Reader’s Comment:

“I’m 59, and to this day still feel unloved. I believe what you say about God’s love for us. I can’t seem to sit and really spend time with him. I do talk to Him all day here and there. I know in my mind He loves me but the rest of me doesn’t. I’m so insure from lack of feeling love I push people away. I hate it. I have five kids whom I love so much along with 9 grandkids. At this point I prefer to be dead, but I don’t want to give up. I want to know true love (not from a man at this point divorced twice) and happiness here on earth before I die. Are there places to go for a week or 2 for adults to get away and have bible studies or spiritual help?”

Quick answer…

As a quick answer to the question asked about getaways for bible studies and spiritual help…No, unfortunately I do not, personally, know of a Christian one-two week getaway off the top of my head.  However, sometimes you can find a local getaway for spiritual help by just doing a basic search on the internet.  For instance google search “Christian women’s retreats in Oklahoma” (or fill in your own state/location), and then browse through the results to find something that appeals to you and fits within your budget.

My only word of caution is to make sure that the teaching is biblically-based and/or uses teaching from notable teachers such as Joyce Meyer, Beth Moore, Christine Caine, Lisa Bevere, Terri Savelle Foy, Lysa TerKeurst, etc.  By the way, I would highly recommend ANY of their events, and you can get more information by clicking on their links.  There can be some kooky and crazy stuff out there that is completely unscriptural.  Maybe look into references and testimonials to see if they have good feedback.

You might check with local churches too to see if they have any upcoming events or recommendations.  You can also look into some conferences—many have good teaching that can give you a jumpstart.  I’ve attended some very good (and some not-so-good) Christian conferences throughout my life that have been extremely helpful.

Other resources…

There are also online webinars (seminars on the web) and online summits which are basically just online conferences where you can listen to or watch videos of different speakers on various topics.  I have recently participated in a couple of these myself: A week-long online summit on influence and impact that was facilitated by Michael Hyatt and a Lifelong Love Marriage Summit hosted by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott—both including a long list of industry experts.  These types of online events are typically very flexible with your schedule because you can listen/watch at your leisure throughout the week of the event (instead of having to participate at a certain time).  

You don’t have to go to a conference, seminar, or getaway

However, I will say that God can and WILL speak to you anywhere, not just at a getaway, retreat or conference.  You don’t necessarily need to get away somewhere for Him to help you and get through to you (although I do know that can be very helpful at times).  I remember looking into an intensive teaching/training retreat once, but it cost a few thousand dollars.  That amount was way out of my budget, and I didn’t think it would be wise to accumulate debt in order to attend.  Then I felt like God spoke to me and told me that He could meet me where I was.

Would the intensive training be helpful?  Yes, absolutely.  Did I have to go to that in order to get the help I needed.  No, because God could use the resources that I already had at my disposal to teach me the same things.  It might take a little longer and be A LOT more work on my part, but I was willing to do whatever it took to get where I needed to be.  I also knew that God would help me step by step through the process.  After all, they didn’t have week-long getaways and retreats in biblical times.  God just taught them and helped them where they were with what that had available to them at the time.

Recognizing and feeling God’s love is a process

My most important answer and word of advice for you is that it’s going to be a process.  There is no quick-fix for feeling loved and wanted.  You’re not going to feel completely better or feel completely loved even after a week-long intensive bible study.  And even if you did, there will come a time when a trigger, rejection or other situation/circumstance will tempt you to go back to that same dark place.  Satan knows the buttons to push to get to you, and you need to prepare yourself for battle ahead of time.  Now is the time to learn how to go to God for help, how to build your relationship with him, and how to become strong (by recognizing God’s love) so that you can keep from letting Satan drag you down again.

“Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8 (NLT)

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.” Ephesians 6:10-18 (NIV) 

An analogy

There is hope though.  The feelings will come over time.  You are hurt, broken, and need to be healed, and healing takes time.  You also need to do the right things in order to heal properly.

To give you an analogy…imagine that you broke your arm.  In order for your arm to heal properly, you are going to need to go and have it set so that the bones can heal correctly.  This could potentially be very painful.  Then you would need a cast put on it.  The cast doesn’t mean it’s healed; it’s merely a start and a form of protection for the healing that is taking place on the inside.  If you don’t do these things and just let your arm try to heal on its own, it could heal back improperly.  This could cause even more long-term damage and pain because the arm may have to be re-broken and then set and casted in order to heal the right way (and even then you may have some long-term damage).

It might be inconvenient to heal

For you to heal emotionally and spiritually, you may have to do some things that are inconvenient and may even be painful.  A conference or retreat might be the start of something (like putting on a cast), but that doesn’t mean that you are completely healed.  You are going to need more.  There is still a lot of healing that needs to take place on the inside.  This will take time and some intentional behavior and actions on your part.  If you don’t do the right things to heal (i.e. if you don’t address them and just ignore them or if you don’t take the right steps), you may not heal properly or things may heal incorrectly which may lead to more pain and suffering in the long-term.  A lot of times you’ll end up having to come back and do the right thing that you avoided to begin with.

If you really want to heal, to grow spiritually and to recognize God’s love, you have to genuinely want to change and to be intentional about it.  The best way I know to explain how to do this would be to follow the 4-step Formula for Success in order to achieve success in your healing, growth and recognition of love.  I also discuss a lot of this process in First Steps to Ultimate Success.

Take Some Practical Steps to Recognize God’s Love By Building Your Relationship With Him:

• You have to understand that learning to recognize God’s love and building your relationship with God is a process and not something that can be achieved quickly.  Go ahead and make up your mind that it’s going to take some time, and determine to be in it for the long haul.
• Don’t lose hope. You ARE loved and you WILL be able to recognize it by taking the right steps.  I’m proof and example of that, and I can help you on your journey!

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.” Proverbs 13:12 (NLT)

“So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” Galatians 6:9 (NLT)

• You have to decide to be very intentional and make up your mind that you are willing to do whatever it takes.  The steps I will ask you to take may not be fun, easy or convenient.  However, if you will be consistent and follow them, I promise you will see results and experience success just like I have.

In next week’s post “Recognizing God’s Love By Building Your Relationship With Him–Part 2“, I will give you the intentional steps that you need to take in order to build your relationship with God and to learn how to feel God’s love.  I will give you more details on what more you will need besides attending a getaway, retreat or conference in order to have lasting healing and success.

What has caused you to realize that building your relationship with God and recognizing his love is actually a process?  Tell us about it by leaving a comment below. 

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are rude, disrespectful, sarcastic, offensive, or off-topic.  By posting on this site you agree to my Comment Policy.

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If you have benefited from this post or if you know anyone that could benefit from this, please pay it forward and share this post with them via the sharing links below! “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 1 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV)