Category Archives: Friendship

Be An Encourager…Make More Positive Comments

Leave a reply

Be An Encourager…Make More Positive Comments

Be An Encourager…Make More Positive Comments

Lately, we’ve been discussing some of the downsides of communication with others.  Negative communication is often inevitable so we talked about how to avoid making negative comments and how to respond to critical and sometimes hurtful communication when we are on the receiving end.  On the flip side though, not only is it important to avoid making damaging comments, but it’s valuable to go the extra mile to make positive comments and to point out the good in situations.

I previously completed a six-part series of devotions on my YouVersion Bible app that was based on the Stay Positive series by Pastor Craig Groeschel, the Senior Pastor at Life Church.  Something that Pastor Groeschel said really stood out to me (which was an indicator that it was something that I need to work on).  He said if you think something good, you should say it and that you should never rob somebody else of a blessing. He said we should be a tool of God to be a voice of encouragement to other people on a daily basis.  His advice was that anytime we think something good about somebody else we should turn it into a gift of encouragement.

“But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” Hebrews 3:13 (NIV) 

Anytime we think something good about somebody else we should say it! #encourager

Click To Tweet

God is an encourager

In fact, God himself is an encourager.  We need to be like God and be encouragers too!  When we encourage others, we are showing and being a little part of God to somebody else…somebody who may really need it.

“But God, who encourages those who are discouraged, encouraged us by the arrival of Titus.” 2 Corinthians 7:6 (NLT)

I often think good things about other people, but I’m not always the best at vocalizing positive comments.  So after Pastor Groeschel’s advice, I’ve been trying to do better about immediately saying, calling, or texting whoever it is that I may have had a positive thought about.

If I see something my sister has done that is super creative, I should try to remember to call her and tell her and not just think about it. If I’m grateful for something Eric has done, even something small, I should send him a text at work just to say “thanks, I appreciated when you…”  If one of my kids did something to make me laugh or smile, I should stop right then and tell them that they make me happy.  They are all simple little things that I typically just think about and pass over every day, but when I do so I am essentially robbing them of a blessing.

What if we encouraged more than we complained?

Continue reading →

How to Avoid Making Negative Comments

Leave a reply

Learn some steps to avoid the trap of making negative comments.

How to Avoid Making Negative Comments

I get several comments posted to my blog articles.  Unfortunately, not all of them are very nice.  Sometimes it’s hard not to take things personally.  At one point, I had been getting so many negative comments in such a short time frame that when I would get an e-mail informing me that I had a new comment to moderate I would moan and hang my head in dread of what I was about to read.

Once, I was at my sister’s house, and my e-mail chimed alerting me of a new comment.  “Not again.” I groaned.  “What’s wrong?” my sister asked.  “I’ve got another comment to moderate.  I’m afraid to look at it.” I said.  “Here, let me read it first,” she suggested.  I handed her my phone.  Thankfully she smiled as she read it and said, “It’s a good one.”  I breathed a sigh of relief.  Fortunately, I have received a number of positive and encouraging comments too.  Why is it that the bad ones seem to overpower the good?  It’s no wonder Paul urges us to keep our focus on positive and good things.

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8 (NLT)

Focusing on negative comments will weigh us down

Focusing on the negative will only bring us down.  It will cause us anxiety and worry (Philippians 4:6), and it could even cause us to get so worked up that we might act out in our emotions and say or do things that we regret.  I think that’s probably what happens when people post nasty things or negative comments on my site.  They probably read something that they disagreed with or that potentially offended them, and then they acted out of their emotion.

Unfortunately, technology these days has cultivated an environment where it is easy for people to be passive-aggressive. People say things online or via technology that they would never say to someone face-to-face.

In light of that, I have a fairly strict comment policy on my site to protect my visitors from negative comments that could hurt or hinder them.  I had to lay out some simple ground rules in order to enable constructive conversation while discouraging rude, disrespectful, sarcastic, offensive, divisive, or off-topic negative comments.  I don’t even want to foster an atmosphere that’s conducive to arguments taking place on my site.  That’s not God’s purpose for my site.  I want my site to be a place of peace.

Scriptural communication guidelines

Continue reading →

Are You Salty? Do You Have the Qualities of Salt? Part 2

Leave a reply

Are you being salt and light? Do you possess these qualities of salt?

Are You Salty? Do You Have the Qualities of Salt? Part 2 of 2

Be Salt and Light

“You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless. “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” Matthew 5:13-16 (NLT)

“Salt is good for seasoning. But if it loses its flavor, how do you make it salty again? You must have the qualities of salt among yourselves and live in peace with each other.” Mark 9:50 (NLT)

In Part 1 of this post, we talked about being salt and light in our everyday surroundings.  We discussed a few of the qualities of salt and how we could display some of those same qualities in our lives.  I’d like to pick back up this week with some more qualities of salt that we should model.

In the previous post we discussed the first five qualities, this week we’ll discuss the last five and how they serve as an analogy for how we should act:

Salt…

      1. Makes you thirsty.
      2. Adds seasoning, gives things flavor, and makes things taste good.
      3. Preserves.
      4. Has the power to change the environment around it.
      5. Serves as an electrolyte in our bodies.
      6. Mixes in and interacts with its environment.
      7. Promotes healing.
      8. Is sloughing or exfoliating.
      9. Stings but also soothes.
      10. Acts as a fertilizer to make things grow.

Value of salt

I actually learned something new when studying salt.  I knew salt was an extremely valuable commodity in ancient times, but I guess I just didn’t realize how much.  In fact, I learned that Roman soldiers even used to be paid in salt at times.  Apparently, that’s where the term “worth his salt” came from.  The word “salary” is even rooted from salt.  In the Old Testament, the Mosaic Law required that all offerings presented by the Israelites should contain salt (Lev. 2:13).  Many theologians say this was to symbolize purification and an enduring covenant (salt purifies and makes things last).

Since salt holds such value in history, that same value should still hold true today—especially in relation to how we should be like salt.  Let’s take a look at some more qualities of salt…

Some More Qualities of Salt:

Continue reading →

Are You Salty? Do You Have the Qualities of Salt? Part 1

12 Replies

Are You Salty? Do You Have the Qualities of Salt? Part 1: Learn some of the qualities of salt and how you can use these qualities to make a difference in the world around you & in your spheres of influence.

Are You Salty? Do You Have the Qualities of Salt? Part 1 of 2

Be Salt and Light 

“You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless. “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” Matthew 5:13-16 (NLT)

“Salt is good for seasoning. But if it loses its flavor, how do you make it salty again? You must have the qualities of salt among yourselves and live in peace with each other.” Mark 9:50 (NLT)

Each college term I pray to be the kind of person that my students will look at and see as something different, somebody that stands out from their normal college professors.  I want them to see Jesus in me, without even knowing that I am a Christian.  I want to be what the Bible calls “salt”.

When I originally wrote this post a few years ago, I was so excited because I had such a great group of young women and men in my college classes.  It was really an answered prayer of sorts.  I spent a lot of time in prayer that previous summer for the students that I would be teaching that upcoming fall semester.  As is my habit, I prayed for God to place the right students into my classes, the students that I could really help and with whom I could make a difference.  Sometimes as a teacher it’s hard to tell if I’m making a difference or getting through.  From the bottom of my heart, I want to speak into their lives and make a lasting impact.  I want to be that “salt” in their lives.

Opportunities to be salt

That following fall I had some pretty amazing, strong Christians, many of them already possessing some of the qualities of salt.  This is sometimes rare on a public college campus—to have strong Christian students that speak outright about their faith.  I could already tell that they are going to do something big someday!  They are going to be powerhouses for the kingdom of God and I feel so honored to play a small role in their lives.

My friend and fellow praying mom, Gwen, pointed out that it’s pretty cool that I would get an opportunity to speak into the lives of these students in a different way.  I got a chance to impact their walk with God and their influence on others.  I got to have conversations with them on a different level.  There were opportunities to teach them and show them how to be salt in action.  It was like on-the-job training!

Explaining how NOT to be salt

That semester I had a conversation after class with a few of my students. A couple of them mentioned that I was the only Christian professor that they had (which is not unusual for a public college).  We had some discussions about classmates, friends, and professors who are not Christians, and we spoke about opportunities to walk out our Christian faith in a potentially adversarial environment.

Some of them were struggling with people who disagreed with their beliefs and lifestyle. We talked about it being pointless and even counter-productive to argue with people who don’t have the same beliefs we do.  I told them we can sometimes do more harm than good if we try to coerce, force, or convince people of our beliefs (more about that here).  Actually, I encouraged them NOT to do this for that very reason, even though it’s in our nature to do so.  I told them that it was a hard lesson I had to learn, myself, as a student because I tend to be pretty vocal.  Those of you who know me well are probably snickering right now thinking that I just made a massive understatement. 🙂

I explained the importance of letting their life (what they do and how they act) speak louder than their words.

*Click here to read more about letting your life and actions speak louder than your words here.

“Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3:1-4 (NIV)

or said another way…

“…Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words…” 1 Peter 3:1 (NLT)

But first…relationship

I’ve learned from experience that it’s actually more effective to live a life of example, be a role model, and show love.  Pastor Whitney George said something once at church that has always stuck with me.  He said, “You have to win people to yourself before you can ever win them to the Lord.”  In essence, before you can truly speak into the life of another person you have to have some sort of relationship or rapport there.

You have to win people to yourself before you can ever win them to the Lord.

Click To Tweet

Before you can truly speak into the life of another person there must first be relationship there.

Click To Tweet

So then our first goal must be to win people to us….we must love them first.  Serving and loving on people is the best thing that we can ever do for the kingdom of God.

“Jesus replied, “‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” Matthew 22:37-39 (NLT)

Walk the walk, not just talk the talk

We discussed that it’s actually more effective to walk the walk, not just talk the talk.  We need to teach others about Jesus by our actions.  Let our lifestyle and deeds speak for us.  People should be able to tell we are Christians without us even saying a word.  There should be something different about us.  We should have Jesus’ face shining in ours.  People should see light in our faces.  People should like us and not even know why.  We need to follow the instructions of Jesus and be salt and light to the people we come across in our lives.

“You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless. “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” Matthew 5:13-16 (NLT) 

“Salt is good for seasoning. But if it loses its flavor, how do you make it salty again? You must have the qualities of salt among yourselves and live in peace with each other.” Mark 9:50 (NLT)

In order to be like salt, we need to learn some of the qualities of salt, how we can be like them, and start putting them to work.

Some Qualities of Salt:

Continue reading →

Life Lessons to be Learned in Fantasy Football

1 Reply

Here are some Life Lessons to be Learned in Fantasy Football

Life Lessons to be Learned in Fantasy Football

In 2015, I joined a Fantasy Football league.  For anyone that knows me well, this would have probably been some extremely shocking news.  Most people might have said to me, “Don’t you have enough football in your life already?”  You see, my husband and son are avid football fans…of ALL football.  My son played football at the time.  My husband coached at the time.  They’ve played Fantasy Football for years.  Additionally, my husband used to occasionally play flag football with the church.  They both watch…and watch…and watch…both NFL and college ball.  So basically, football is a 7 day/week phenomenon at our house with all the practicing, playing, and watching.  Thus, why I’ve come to despise it.  I’ve often referred to myself as a football widow.

You might see then why joining a Fantasy Football league seemed counterintuitive.  However, a friend somehow convinced me that it would be good for me (and my family), and for some crazy reason, I agreed with her!  More or less, it’s a “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” philosophy.  My choice to join them was based on wanting to be a part of something that they enjoy so much, even if it’s not an interest of mine.  I hoped that I would also learn to love and enjoy it as they do (well, maybe not quite as much!).  My friend promised me I would have fun, so I told her I was going to hold her to it!

Shared experiences

I also looked forward to the benefits that come from sharing experiences.  According to clinical psychologist Dr. Willard Harley, recreational companionship is one of the top five needs for a man in marriage.  In fact, he puts it this way, “The couple that plays together stays together.”[i]

Recreational companionship is one of the top needs for a man in marriage.

Click To Tweet

Although I don’t necessarily agree with all of Dr. Harley’s insinuations that unmet needs are the cause of affairs, I do believe in the importance of shared or common interests and recreational companionship.  Eric and I do this in other areas too.  For example, we both love going to auctions and estate sales. We love being outdoors and on the water and enjoying a few other common interests together.

Now, football (or any sport for that matter) might not be my top preference, but it IS my husband’s and also my son’s.  Therefore, because it’s important to them, I chose to make it important to me.  Who was to say that I might not even really enjoy myself?  I wouldn’t know unless I gave it a try.  Don’t get me wrong though, I definitely still think there can be a ditch there.  When our lives revolve around football, I think that’s really sad…and almost idolatry.  For the time, though, I chose to be a part of the madness. And I figured I might as well get some good blog posts out of it as well! 😉

Here are a few life lessons I learned from Fantasy Football…

Continue reading →

Make Others Feel Taller NOT Smaller

Leave a reply

Make Others Feel Taller NOT Smaller! - Great post from HappyHealthyandProsperous.com

Make Others Feel Taller NOT Smaller

Most people are drawn to the type of people who make others feel taller not smaller.  People like to be around other people who make them feel better about themselves.  In general, people pull away from and don’t like to be around those who make them feel bad about themselves.  Nobody likes to be around people who are cruel, mean, and rude (especially if that’s their typical nature most of the time).  This type of behavior is a sure-fire way to cut people out of your life!  It’s like the wrong end of a magnet repelling people…pushing them away instead of drawing them in.

People are drawn to those who make them feel good about themselves.  On a side note…Did you know that’s a significant factor in why many people have affairs?  It’s not that they necessarily like the other person that much.  It’s that they like themselves better when they’re around that person.  In affairs, those other people (i.e. affair partners) make them feel better about themselves.  

People like to be around other people who make them feel better about themselves.

Click To Tweet

Someone made me feel smaller

I have been around people who have made me feel smaller NOT taller on a number of occasions.  Several years ago, I was involved in a situation that, quite honestly, made me feel like crap.  I was around someone who felt the need to “tell me the truth” because “true friends tell the truth”.  It made me feel very badly about myself, about how I looked, and about the mistakes I made.  I honestly felt I couldn’t do anything right, and even when I tried, that too was criticized.  It had a tendency to make me dread being around this person in particular.  Have you ever felt like that?  It’s pretty miserable.  Thankfully, I’m getting better about dealing with these feelings (okay…after a few tearful moments), but the initial feelings are very real nonetheless.

After being on the receiving end of hurtful situations like this, I wanted to make sure that I’M not a person who does this to others.  I wanted to be sure I was the kind of person that will make others feel taller not smaller.  So, I compiled a list of “Do’s” and “Don’ts” of practical steps that each of us can take to make sure we are NOT the kind of person that is like the wrong end of a magnet that repels people.  (I actually compiled this list on my phone at 3:00 am in the morning after the bad experience I mentioned earlier because I couldn’t sleep due to being so hurt and angry!)

I, too, have been guilty of making others feel smaller, not taller

Continue reading →

Who is on Your “Cabinet” of Advisers?

Leave a reply

Who is on Your Cabinet of Advisers? Do you have people you go to for advice, counsel, prayer, etc.? We all need reliable, honest people on our team to call on when we need.

Who is on Your “Cabinet” of Advisers?

Today is the Presidential election in the United States. The role of President is a pretty powerful role. However, to think that one possesses all of the knowledge, wisdom and power in oneself to live and make decisions without relying on the wisdom and help of others is foolish. This is one of the reasons why the U.S. President uses a Cabinet, a special group of advisers.

Article II, Section 2 of the U. S. Constitution states that the President “may require the opinion, in writing, of the principal officer in each of the executive departments, upon any subject relating to the duties of their respective offices” (art. 2, sec. 2, cl. 1.). To build the Cabinet, the President nominates heads of federal executive departments such as Secretary of State, Secretary of Treasury, Secretary of Defense, Attorney General, etc. Nominees are approved or confirmed by the Senate.

We need a Cabinet too

Just like it would be unwise for the President to think he needs no one, it would be foolish for us to try to do life alone. Especially when making big decisions, it’s always a good idea to consult others. Therefore, similar to the President, we too need a Cabinet of advisers. We need people in our lives that we can go to for their opinion on certain matters.

It’s not good to do life alone

God designed us as relational beings—we were NOT meant to do life alone!

The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. (Genesis 2:18 NIV)

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NLT)

Jesus was led alone to the wilderness to be tempted (Matthew 4:1). We are tempted more when alone. 

God designed us as relational beings—we were NOT meant to do life alone!

Click To Tweet

It’s wise to seek advice

When we don’t know what to do, Continue reading →

7 Ways to Cope With an Annoying Friend

1 Reply

Learn 7 ways to cope with an annoying friend...

7 Ways to Cope With an Annoying Friend

**Updated: Originally posted 5/5/2015

I’ve discovered with age that people tend to get on my nerves a lot more.  I don’t like people as easily as I used to.  Quite frankly, I have less patience to put up with people’s crap.  This has sometimes made it difficult for me to create relationships with people that annoy me.  I went through a period several years ago where I was having to relearn how to be a friend.

It was actually kind of weird and awkward.  I always considered myself a person who makes friends easily.  I had a lot of friends in high school, in college, and at work.  Unfortunately though, due to seasons in life, transitions, and seasons of friendships, there was a period where I found myself with fewer close friends than I used to have.  I just assumed making close friends would be easy, a piece of cake.  I had a wake-up call–it wasn’t!  It takes work.  I had to be a lot more intentional and purposeful about it.

Something I learned was that I had to put myself out there and step outside of my comfort zone a lot.  I had to place myself in settings where making and cultivating friendships was possible.  Through that process there were a lot of people that I just flat-out didn’t like.  They were annoying!  Who wants an annoying friend?  Therefore, I would immediately write a lot of people off…

Annoying friend alert!!  She’s a know-it-all (imagine a loud buzzer sound here)

Annoying friend alert!!  She talks too much (buzzer sound again)

Annoying friend alert!!  She talks like an immature teenager (another buzzer sound)

Annoying friend alert!!  She’s selfish, always wants to do things her way, interrupts me all the time, brags too much… (buzzer, buzzer, buzzer)

Common denominator

I’m sure you get the picture.  I could go on and on about why I decided someone would be an annoying friend.  The thing is, it seemed like anyone I met somehow got on my nerves.  Then I realized… Continue reading →