Category Archives: Relationships

How to Respond to Comments…especially in touchy situations

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How to Respond to Comments…especially in touchy situations

How to Respond to Comments…especially in touchy situations

In a previous post, I mentioned the ever-increasing amount of negative comments I receive on my blog.  I guess that comes with the territory of “putting myself out there” in a public format.  I’ve had to learn how to avoid making negative comments even when that might be my first reaction.  I’m still a work in progress.  However, I have somewhat of a system now on exactly how to respond to comments, negative or not.  I’d like to share it with you because you might also find it helpful when deciding how you should reply to people.

It’s often hard to figure out what to say

At times deciding how to respond to comments can be nerve-wracking even when the comments aren’t negative.  Sometimes people are hurting and ask hard questions.  Occasionally, I receive comments on a previous post, “How to Overcome Feeling Unloved or Unwanted”.  Sadly, this post is one of the most popular posts on my website.  I say “sadly” because it makes me so sad to know that so many people feel unloved and unwanted.  Then again, maybe that’s exactly why God had me write it and why He directs so many people to that page.

It also makes me very sad when I get some of the comments from people still looking for answers because I can almost feel their hurt and pain in their writing.  Then, I feel a little scared and overwhelmed knowing that I have to reply to these hurting people to try and give them some answers, encouragement, and hope.  It’s a lot of pressure!  I actually said to God, “What if I mess them up!?”  I honestly feel so completely unqualified at times to help people.  In fact, I’ve talked before about making excuses like this with God.  They never work.  He just tells me to follow his lead and he will instruct me in what to say (Exodus 4:12).

Speaking from my own experiences

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How to Avoid Making Negative Comments

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Learn some steps to avoid the trap of making negative comments.

How to Avoid Making Negative Comments

I get several comments posted to my blog articles.  Unfortunately, not all of them are very nice.  Sometimes it’s hard not to take things personally.  At one point, I had been getting so many negative comments in such a short time frame that when I would get an e-mail informing me that I had a new comment to moderate I would moan and hang my head in dread of what I was about to read.

Once, I was at my sister’s house, and my e-mail chimed alerting me of a new comment.  “Not again.” I groaned.  “What’s wrong?” my sister asked.  “I’ve got another comment to moderate.  I’m afraid to look at it.” I said.  “Here, let me read it first,” she suggested.  I handed her my phone.  Thankfully she smiled as she read it and said, “It’s a good one.”  I breathed a sigh of relief.  Fortunately, I have received a number of positive and encouraging comments too.  Why is it that the bad ones seem to overpower the good?  It’s no wonder Paul urges us to keep our focus on positive and good things.

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8 (NLT)

Focusing on negative comments will weigh us down

Focusing on the negative will only bring us down.  It will cause us anxiety and worry (Philippians 4:6), and it could even cause us to get so worked up that we might act out in our emotions and say or do things that we regret.  I think that’s probably what happens when people post nasty things or negative comments on my site.  They probably read something that they disagreed with or that potentially offended them, and then they acted out of their emotion.

Unfortunately, technology these days has cultivated an environment where it is easy for people to be passive-aggressive. People say things online or via technology that they would never say to someone face-to-face.

In light of that, I have a fairly strict comment policy on my site to protect my visitors from negative comments that could hurt or hinder them.  I had to lay out some simple ground rules in order to enable constructive conversation while discouraging rude, disrespectful, sarcastic, offensive, divisive, or off-topic negative comments.  I don’t even want to foster an atmosphere that’s conducive to arguments taking place on my site.  That’s not God’s purpose for my site.  I want my site to be a place of peace.

Scriptural communication guidelines

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Being a Christian is More Than Just Going to Church

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Being a Christian is More Than Just Going to Church title image

Being a Christian is More Than Just Going to Church

I recently received an email from a reader asking a question about going to church and whether or not that affected their salvation. This reader basically wanted to know whether or not they would go to hell if they didn’t attend church. This week I thought I would share my response with you since others out there may have the same or similar questions.

Email from reader

I have a job working at a restaurant on the weekends, and I work almost every Saturday and Sunday. I know it says in the Bible to remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. Also, I know some people say the Sabbath is Saturday and not Sunday and that some Christians have been confused by this. Will I be going to hell, in your opinion, for not keeping the Sabbath since I work a lot on the weekends?

My response (headings added for easier reading)

It is not my place to say if you will be going to hell because I am not God, and I do not know your heart as He does. However, my initial reaction is that, no, God will not send people to hell if they do not go to church on Sunday (or Saturday). People who say this are operating in what’s called “legalism” (rule-keeping). Jesus, and later Paul through his writings, firmly corrected people in the New Testament for legalistic attitudes and behaviors. Keeping the rules isn’t enough to make us holy or wipe our sins clean. Only Jesus’ sacrifice and resurrection can do that.

“If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by openly declaring your faith that you are saved.” Romans 10:9-10 (NLT)

“Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6 (ESV)

“Yet we know that a person is made right with God by faith in Jesus Christ, not by obeying the law. And we have believed in Christ Jesus, so that we might be made right with God because of our faith in Christ, not because we have obeyed the law. For no one will ever be made right with God by obeying the law.” Galatians 2:16 (NLT)

Salvation is about your relationship with God, not going to church

Your salvation, and going to heaven, are about your relationship with God, through Jesus Christ. It’s about truly knowing Him and being known by Him. It’s about making HIM your number one priority over all other things, making Him Lord. This means surrendering and submitting to Him as your “master” as your… leader, ruler, guide, boss, etc. Basically, He needs to be the ultimate authority in your life where you trust and obey him completely. Jesus can’t just be your savior—He needs to be your Lord. You need to have a genuine relationship with Him, and this involves more than just going to church.

“And this is the way to have eternal life—to know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, the one you sent to earth.” John 17:3 (NLT)

True disciples

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When Somebody Makes a Prayer Request

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When Somebody Makes a Prayer Request ...

When Somebody Makes a Prayer Request

I think a lot of times people just flippantly say “I’m praying for you” or “I’ll pray for you”, but more often than not, it’s just lip-service.  They may truly mean it at the time, but then they might forget later or not make it a priority.  Sometimes people just don’t know WHAT or HOW to pray for the other person making the prayer request.  Today I’d like to help you out with this by giving you some suggestions for not just offering lip service when a prayer request is made of you and for how to actually pray for that person when they ask.

Pray right then and there

To address the first issue, I’ll give you some tips for how to actually pray for them and not just say that you will.  The first and best piece of advice that I can give you is what works for me.  Stop whatever you are doing, and pray for them right then and there.  You can’t forget to do it later if you do it right now.  It should only take you a couple of minutes, if that.  You don’t even have to pray out loud or even with them if that makes you uncomfortable.  Just take a second to say a silent prayer on their behalf.

Make a note to pray

The next thing you can do is to make yourself a note to pray for them.  Write yourself a reminder to pray for that person later and/or to check on them again to see how they are doing.  I’ve found myself writing things on post-it notes, index cards, adding a note to my phone, or setting a reminder alarm, and I even have a prayer request app on my phone that I use from time to time.  I also write prayers in my quiet time journal. Additionally, the Bible app has a place to make a prayer list.

One thing that I haven’t started yet that I would like to start is a separate prayer journal.  I’d like to have a place where I can write my own prayer requests to God along with others as a physical and tangible list and reminder.  Then I’ll also be able to go back and mark when they were answered.   Maybe a prayer journal would be a good idea for you too?  The point is, when you write things down, it’s easier to remember to do them.  Plus, you have a tangible reminder to do so.

As far as HOW to pray for them…

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8 Hindrances to Prayer

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Do you feel like you have hit some road blocks in your prayer life? Look at these 8 Hindrances to Prayer

8 Hindrances to Prayer

This week we’ll continue on the topic of prayer by discussing some hindrances to prayer.  Prayer is a very powerful and effective force, but there are actually some things we can do that will hinder our prayers and their effectiveness.  They are almost like roadblocks.

Prayer is a very powerful force, but there are things we do that can hinder our prayers.

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When I think of hindrances to prayer I always think of a humorous story that Joe McGee told when speaking at our church one time.  I can’t remember all of the details, but I remember him saying that he was praying one time when God spoke to him about how he was treating Denise, his wife.  He had either been encountering problems or wasn’t getting an answer to prayer (I don’t recall), and he asked God about it.

Joe said he heard clearly in his spirit that God told him to buy his wife the brand of soda and laundry detergent that she wanted.  He had always just bought what he grew up with and was used to, neglecting her preferences.  I think he even made a joke about the laundry detergent because she used Tide, and he said that was just sacrilegious since they were from Tennessee (major rivals of Alabama…aka Crimson TIDE).  He said that God reminded him of 1 Peter 3:7 which said “…Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.”  God was trying to teach him to treat his wife well so that his prayers wouldn’t be hindered.

Aside from how we treat others, there are a few other things that can put a damper on our prayers.  I’ve actually learned about 8 hindrances to prayer that can have a negative impact.  Let’s take a look…

8 Hindrances to Prayer

  1. Wrong motives

Like it or not, we can sometimes approach God with wrong intentions, reasons, or motives.  We cannot be evil or completely selfish in our prayer life.  Yes, God wants us to have the desires of our hearts but not at the expense of others.  The Bible says we will not receive if we ask with the wrong motives.

“When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” James 4:3 (NIV)

  1. Unforgiveness in our hearts

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How to Pray: Using the Lord’s Prayer as an Example

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Learn How to Pray by Using the Lord's Prayer as an example

How to Pray: Using the Lord’s Prayer as an Example

Staying with the theme of prayer this week, I thought I’d spend some more time on how to pray—specifically using the Lord’s Prayer as a guide.  I will also give you an example of how I would personally use the Lord’s Prayer to pray at the start of my day.  Jesus gave “The Lord’s Prayer” as an example of how to pray (not necessarily meant to be memorized and quoted).  I find it hilarious how Hollywood always portrays Christians praying this prayer.  It’s the typical stereotype of Christians–that whenever we pray, this must be what we say every time.  Don’t even get me started on the stereotypical, weak, and ignorant ways that Hollywood depicts Christians.  That’s another soapbox I can get stuck on for a while!

Jesus gave “The Lord’s Prayer” as an example of how to pray-not only to be memorized/quoted.

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Anyhow, I don’t believe that Jesus meant for the Lord’s Prayer to be the ONLY way and the only thing that we pray (and especially not word for word).  I know this because there are numerous other examples of prayer throughout the Bible, and they are not all identical to this.  He also said “pray like this” or “pray in this manner” NOT “pray this”.

So keeping that in mind, let’s take a look at a line-by-line breakdown of the Lord’s Prayer and how we might use it as a guide to pray. 

Matthew 6:9 “Pray then like this: “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name.”

This is an example or a protocol of sorts of how we should approach God. By calling him “hallowed” we are showing honor and reverence and submitting to his ultimate authority. It’s important to worship God and give Him praise.

“Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.” Psalm 100:4 (NIV)

The Bible said we should come to God with praise and thanks.  The start of your prayer is the best time to do this (read more in this post on starting with praise).  Giving praise, glory, and thanks to God first helps us to prioritize Him.  First honor, then ask.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33 (ESV)

Matthew Henry said in his commentary on the Lord’s Prayer, “We must begin our prayers with praising God, and it is very fit he should be first served, and that we should give glory to God, before we expect to receive mercy and grace from him. Let him have praise of his perfections, and then let us have the benefit of them.”[i]

Praising God can sometimes seem awkward, at least for me it is.  It’s often hard to know what to say.  I’ve found it helpful to praise Him for His character traits and attributes, especially roles He’s played in my life recently.  It’s also helpful to praise Him for who I need Him to be.  If I need to be comforted, I praise Him that He is a comforter.  If I need healing, I praise Him for being a healer, and so on.  At my Moms in Prayer group each week we always start our prayers with praising God for one of His attributes (click here for a list of attributes provided by Moms in Prayer or click here or here for some posts). 

Praise God for who/what you need Him to be….comforter, healer, restorer, provider…

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Matthew 6:10 “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”

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How to Pray: Be Specific, Bold, Expectant, and Thankful

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There are some things a lot of people leave out in their prayer life. Learn how to pray by being specific, bold, expectant, and thankful in your prayers.

How to Pray: Be Specific, Bold, Expectant, and Thankful

This week we’re still on the topic of prayer.  Previously we discussed some of the reasons to pray, places/times to pray, and some examples of how to pray (here and here).  I’d like to continue discussing more on how to pray by being specific, bold, expectant, and thankful in our prayers.  These are some things I’ve learned over the years that I think a lot of people either leave out or are negligent in doing in their prayer life.

I’m so very thankful for my pastor teaching us these principles of prayer over the years.  These principles work.  Because I’ve learned these things and have put them into practice in my life, I have experienced a very powerful and effective prayer life.  My husband, Eric, was even joking with me once about my prayers getting answered.  A song that got on my nerves came on the radio, and I made a face at him and groaned.  Then, a few seconds later, the radio just went silent, and Eric said “Did you pray for that to happen?”  I replied with a smirk, “No, but I’m glad that you recognize the power of my prayers!”  If you will put these principles of how to pray into practice, you too will have a powerful and effective prayer life.

How to Pray: Be SPECIFIC when making requests of God and include scripture.

I learned early on from my pastor that God wants us to be specific in our prayers and when approaching Him with our needs.  We shouldn’t just go to God listing all of our problems.  We should tell Him how we want Him to help. When we are requesting something of God, we need to state our specific request.  I heard Kenneth Copeland say once that if you’re praying for “nothing in particular” that’s just about what you’re gonna get!

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6 (NIV)

The New Living Translation says “tell God what you need”.  I think it’s also important to remind God of His Word and promises.  In other words, find a scripture or a promise in the Bible to back up what you are asking for.  God wants us to remind Him.  In fact, He tells us to do so—to put Him in remembrance…

“Put me in remembrance; let us argue together; set forth your case, that you may be proved right.” Isaiah 43:26 (ESV)

Example: 

Instead of saying,

“God, we’re short on money.  I can’t afford to pay this unexpected medical expense.  Please help me.”

Be specific and say,

“God, we’re short on money.  I can’t afford to pay this unexpected medical expense.  Your word says in Philippians 4:19 that you will provide all of my needs according to your riches in glory in Christ Jesus.  I need $800 to pay for this medical bill.  Please provide a way for this $800 need to be met—either by providing the money somehow or by providing an idea or means of obtaining this money.  Thank you for hearing me and for providing my need.”

The second approach states not only the problem but the specific request along with a scripture to remind God (and us) that He is our source and provider. 

Be specific when making requests of God and include scripture in your prayers.

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How to Pray: Be BOLD and have confidence when approaching God.

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How to Pray: Speaking From the Heart

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How to Pray: Speaking From the Heart

How to Pray: Speaking From the Heart

I think so many times people shy away from praying or hesitate to pray because they simply don’t know how to pray.  Previously we discussed the whys and whens and wheres of praying.  I’d like to spend a little time now on the hows.  We’ll look at some of the best ways to speak to and approach God.  Discussing in a few different posts, I’ll share some ways of “how to pray”.  In this post, I’ll focus on how to pray by speaking from the heart.

Many people are reluctant to pray simply because they don’t know how to pray.

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Afraid of not doing it “right”

I know from personal experience that praying can seem intimidating (especially if you have to pray out loud).  I’ve always been a rule-follower, and sometimes I’ve been reluctant to pray for fear of not doing it right.  I was afraid that God wouldn’t hear me or answer me if I didn’t know how to pray correctly or follow the right pattern or recipe for prayer.  I’ve heard so MANY formulas over the years!  Which one is the right one?  Which one do I use for which occasion?  What if I get it wrong?  What if I leave a step out?

Well, I’ve learned that there are really many effective ways you can pray.  However, all in all, the most important thing I’ve learned is that God is understanding and meets you where you are.  Contrary to popular thinking, He’s NOT a legalistic God who says, “Oh…you didn’t give praise and thanks first before making a request of me. Too bad, so sad.  Guess you’re not going to get your prayer answered this time.”  God cares more about speaking from the heart than He cares about the specific words or the way that we pray. He wants us to pour our hearts out to Him and be just honest.  He wants us to just be ourselves with Him. God already knows what we think and feel anyway.

“The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available [dynamic in its working].” James 5:16 (AMP)  

God cares more about speaking from the heart than He cares about the specific words or way we pray.

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Want powerful and effective prayers? Don’t be fake.

It’s the earnest and heartfelt prayers that are the powerful and effective ones.  For me, it’s such a turn-off when I hear prayers that sound so fake and ingenuine.  Prayers like…

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