Category Archives: Relationships

Using Empathy: The Practical and the Scriptural

Using Empathy The Practical and the Scriptural_title image

Using Empathy: The Practical and the Scriptural

Previously we talked about how there has been a decline in empathy and the importance of using an empathy filter and thinking before we speak so as not to hurt relationships. This week I’d like to take our discussion of empathy a step further to address both some of the practical and scriptural elements of using empathy. We’ll talk about what empathy is, some of the reasons for using empathy, see some examples in scripture of using empathy, and learn how to have and improve empathy.

The world needs more Christians who show genuine empathy. We all need people who will show true love, comfort, and compassion to people in pain. This is nothing new. Even in biblical times, David struggled to find comfort and empathy in those around him.

“Scorn has broken my heart and has left me helpless; I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found none.” Psalm 69:20 (NIV)

As Christians, we need to be the ones excelling in this area and setting the example. After all, we are called to follow Jesus, and he demonstrated empathy as did God, himself.

What exactly is empathy?

In short, empathy is the ability to:

  • Recognize emotions of others
  • Understand emotions of others
  • Participate in emotions of others

Empathy has a thought component (imagining or reflecting on the perspective of another) and a feelings component (an understanding of and participation in the emotions of another).

The following are some dictionary definitions of empathy:

  • Ability to understand and share the feelings of another
  • Action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner
  • Psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another

Empathy is also demonstrated by the ability to have understanding, compassion, sensitivity, and tact in addition to showing support for others both in word and action.

Here are some great, short video clips that explain empathy:

Empathy is a key component of emotional intelligence

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Empathy…The Filter We ALL Need

Empathy-The Filter We ALL Need title image

Empathy…The Filter We ALL Need

Recently, we discussed the importance of showing intentional kindness due to the world becoming more rude, uncivil, divisive, and lacking compassion. As divisiveness grows, polarization prevails, and kindness dissipates, there has also been a decline and loss of empathy. We’re seeing an unfortunate culture shift. There has been recent scientific research supporting the idea that people are caring less and less for others and more for themselves. One study found that levels of empathy significantly declined among young people from 1979 to 2009.[1]

Although, we probably don’t need a scientific study to tell us this when we can just look around at interactions taking place in the world around us and see the cruelty and apathy firsthand. People are becoming more desensitized, and harshness, coldness, callousness, and a lack of compassion are becoming the standard.

The Bible warns us about a decrease in empathy

Multiple places in scripture say that in the last days people will be scoffing, selfish, narcissistic, cruel, hardhearted, uncaring, insensitive, and lacking self-control, compassion, and love for those around them.

“Sin will be rampant everywhere, and the love of many will grow cold.” Matthew 24:12 (NLT)

“You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!” 2 Timothy 3:1-5 (NLT)

“Most importantly, I want to remind you that in the last days scoffers will come, mocking the truth and following their own desires.” 2 Peter 3:3 (NLT)

“They told you that in the last times there would be scoffers whose purpose in life is to satisfy their ungodly desires. These people are the ones who are creating divisions among you. They follow their natural instincts because they do not have God’s Spirit in them.” Jude 1:18-19 (NLT)

Some recent personal experiences of an empathy deficit

Unfortunately, I’ve had some recent experiences of seeing an empathy deficit firsthand…by a doctor, a family member, and a student. Continue reading

What I Learned From a Bunny About Reaching the Lost

What I Learned From a Bunny About Reaching the Lost: Helping People Without Pushing Them Away

What I Learned From a Bunny About Reaching the Lost: Helping People Without Pushing Them Away

Several years ago my husband stumbled upon something pretty cool in our backyard.  It was a bunny nest.  Apparently, a rabbit had built a nest in our backyard under the kid’s playset, and when my husband moved it to mow he realized something moving around when he mowed over the area.  Now don’t panic (yet)…none of the babies were hurt.

So we moved the playset back over the top of the nest, and I scooped up one of the little escapees and nestled him back in with his siblings so he would be safe.  We were even able to watch the momma bunny come back later that evening and nurse the babies as they hopped out from under the playset to meet her.  We are some major animal lovers at our house (ok…maybe just my daughter and myself) so this was REALLY cool for us. We come across a variety of wildlife at our house, and we love being able to appreciate them.

What happened next…

What I Learned From a Bunny About Reaching the Lost: Helping People Without Pushing Them Away

Bunny Nest

I wondered about those baby bunnies all night.  Well, the next day after dropping my kids off at school I went home and let my dog outside, watching her to make sure she didn’t go near the nest.  I noticed several very large crows hovering in the trees over our backyard and flying around.  Then I noticed a cat in the wooded area behind our back fence, and sure enough, my dog went straight over to the playset and started sniffing around.

So I went outside to redirect her and shoo away the crows and cat.  To my horror (now you can panic), I discovered that the bunny nest had apparently been attacked by some predator.  Several of the bunnies were missing, and I found remains of partially eaten bunnies and 2 more that hadn’t been eaten but had apparently been killed.  I was mortified!

I noticed there were still 2 babies in the nest.  Then, I decided to survey the area for any others and clean up the area to avoid any more predators (probably why the crows were lurking overhead).  I found two more babies that were out of the nest.  One was further underneath the playset, and one was against the back fence.  I retrieved them both to put them back in their nest and get them out of the open.

However, one of the bunnies kept hopping back out and running into the open again when I did.  I kept talking to him and said, “Hey, I’m trying to help you.  I’m not going to hurt you, just trying to save your life.  I’m a friend, not an enemy.”  He was understandably very frightened (and apparently couldn’t speak human!). Each time I put him in the nest, he kept running back out until he eventually ran to the fence and underneath it into the wooded area behind our house.

I had to let him go.  I said a quick prayer for him and his safety as he hopped away.  He didn’t understand that I was trying to help him and that I actually loved him and wouldn’t hurt him.  He didn’t understand that I had his best interest in mind.

A spiritual analogy for reaching the lost revealed

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Be Kind: Put On Your Kindness Hat!

Be Kind_Put on your kindness hat title image

Be Kind: Put On Your Kindness Hat!

We live in such a polarized world these days. Even people within their own “in-group” are at odds in many cases, Christians NOT being exempt from this. Strife abounds, and we don’t have to look far to find turmoil, political and social unrest, religious animosity, rudeness, incivility, and unkindness. The t-shirt and bumper sticker saying rings true: Mean people suck. God calls us to be different though. He calls us to a higher standard–to be kind, even when it’s undeserved. It’s high time we all put on our kindness hats!

Last week I created a resource page with scriptures about kindness and the kindness of God. Those scriptures will serve as a foundation for this post where we’ll discuss some of the characteristics of kindness and what being kind might look like in action, in addition to WHY we should be kind and HOW to be kind, especially when it’s not easy or might not come naturally.

Characteristics of kindness

In many New Testament scriptures about kindness or instructions to be kind, the original Greek language defines some of the characteristics of kindness that are relayed.

Some of the Greek words (stemming from the same root) include “chrestos”, “chrestotes”, and “chresteuomai”. The meanings and characteristics include things like…

    • Kindness, to be kind
    • Gentleness, to be gentle
    • Goodness, to be good
    • Graciousness, to be gracious or offer grace
    • to be considerate and thoughtful of others
    • to show oneself useful (in manner and morals)
    • excellence (in character or demeanor)
    • to act benevolently
    • to be friendly

In some scriptures, and in the original language, the word “kindness” is paired or interchanged with “gentle spirit” (“epiekes” in Greek). This carries the meaning of things like…

    • Gentle
    • Moderation
    • Patient
    • Mild
    • Appropriate (fair, equitable, reasonable)
    • to be considerate
    • to be kind
    • Reasonableness
    • Unselfishness
    • Forbearing Spirit
    • Graciousness
    • Mercy
    • Tolerance

Some verses in different translations can relay and expand in these characteristics and meanings:

“Be kind and helpful to one another, tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 (AMP)

“And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 (AMPC)

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” Galatians 5:22-23 (NLT) *See the similar characteristics that go hand in hand with kindness

“Your kindness should be known to all!” Philippians 4:5 (NAB)

“Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.” Philippians 4:5 (NLT)

“Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.” Philippians 4:5 (NIV)

God turns people around with kindness…We need to take a cue

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Scriptures About Kindness

Scriptures About Kindness title image

Scriptures About Kindness

I’ve written previously about kindness and unity. Scriptures abound about how we should display kindness as a quality and character trait of being a Christian and follower of Jesus. There are also numerous scriptures about how God is kind. (Hence, if we are children of God, we should follow suit.) In this post, I thought I’d create a resource page by compiling a list of scriptures about kindness and how we are called to be kind. In addition, I’ve included a list of scriptures about the kindness of God.

Next week’s post will contain some practical application to these scriptures. We’ll discuss characteristics of kindness and what it might look like in action, WHY we should be kind, and HOW to be kind (especially when it’s not easy or might not come naturally). All of those things will be based upon the foundations of these scriptures in this post.

Scriptures About Kindness

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:31-32 (NLT)

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” Colossians 3:12-15 (ESV)

“A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult peopleGently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth.” 2 Timothy 2:24-25 (NLT)

Your kindness should be known to all!” Philippians 4:5 (NAB)

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” Galatians 5:22-23 (NLT)

We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us, and by our sincere love.” 2 Corinthians 6:6 (NLT)

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:12 (NIV)

Do to others as you would like them to do to you.” Luke 6:31 (NLT) Continue reading

How to Recognize God’s Voice

Learn how to recognize God's voice

Image Credit: ohmega1982 via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

How to Recognize God’s Voice

“Then he (Jesus) added, ‘Pay close attention to what you hear.  The closer you listen the more understanding you will be given—and you will receive even more.’”  Mark 4:24 (NLT)

I previously shared a post on What Does God’s Voice Sound Like?  I’d like to share some more tips on how to learn and recognize God’s voice.  God’s voice becomes more familiar as we grow in relationship with Him.

This is very similar to meeting a new friend.  At first, we probably don’t recognize their voice very well, and they have to introduce themselves when they call on the phone.  However, the longer we are friends and the more time we spend with them (and hear them talk), the easier it is to recognize their voice.  Eventually, they won’t even have to say who they are or introduce themselves.

I didn’t recognize my husband on our first date

The more time spent with someone makes them more familiar and more recognizable.  My husband, Eric, just loves to tell the story (aka make fun of me 🙂 ) about the time we went on our first “official” date.  I went to meet him at a mall.  He was waiting outside the front door for me, and I walked right past him because I didn’t recognize him.  We hadn’t known each other very long in my defense, and he DID have a baseball hat on pulled down low over his eyes!  Nevertheless, he will NEVER let me live it down.

I shudder to think of all the times I must have done the EXACT same thing to God—walk right past Him due to not recognizing Him when He was standing right in front of me.

It’s getting easier for me to recognize God’s voice the more I mature and the closer I get to God.  In hindsight, I wish I would have learned to recognize God’s voice a lot sooner.  I can look back on my life now and see poor choices and/or missed opportunities where I had a “red flag” but didn’t realize at the time that God was speaking to me.  Some things that I’ve learned along the way are the “What”, the “When”, the “How” and the “Why” of God speaking.  My goal is to share a few of these things with you in hopes that you too can learn to recognize God’s voice so that you might miss fewer opportunities or make fewer poor choices.

Recognize God’s Voice in WHAT to listen for: Continue reading

Psalm 91 Prayer of Protection

Psalm 91 Prayer of Protection title image

Psalm 91 Prayer of Protection

Last week I shared some scriptures about protection and about how the Lord surrounds people and places with his protection. I used many of these scriptures as a basis for praying a hedge of protection. Today, I thought I’d share some more scriptures on protection, more specifically an entire chapter. This entire passage about protection is found in Psalm 91. We can actually turn this passage into a prayer of protection over ourselves or our loved ones.

In times of trouble, uncertainty, or potential harm it can be easy to fall into a pattern of worry, anxiety, or fear. In those times we can have confidence that we have a God who loves us and wants to protect us and help us in times of trouble. We can call on the Lord for his protection and remind ourselves of his promises in the Bible. Psalm 91 is a wonderful example of God’s promises and desire to protect us. Reading, meditating on, and praying this chapter can give us hope, confidence, and peace, in addition to renewing our faith.

Psalm 91 is full of promises and blessings from God

Psalm 91 is packed full of so many promises and blessings of God such as…

    • Protection
    • Safety from illness, disease, or disaster
    • Ease from anxieties and fear
    • Safety from evil all around us and things that are negatively affecting others around us
    • Justice; Punishment of the wicked
    • Protection for our home
    • Guardian angels to surround us and defend us
    • Promise of God’s presence
    • Victory over dangerous things that might seek to harm us
    • Promise of rescue
    • Promise of long life

Psalm 91:1-16 (NLT)

1 Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

2 This I declare about the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him.

3 For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease.

4 He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

5 Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day.

6 Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday.

7 Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you.

8 Just open your eyes, and see how the wicked are punished.

9 If you make the LORD your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter,

10 no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your home.

11 For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go.

12 They will hold you up with their hands so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.

13 You will trample upon lions and cobras; you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!

14 The LORD says, “I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name.

15 When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them.

16 I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation.”

Psalm 91 Prayer of Protection for Others (insert their name)

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Praying a Hedge of Protection

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Praying a Hedge of Protection

Previously I wrote a post about praying a “hedge of thorns” around someone as a type of prayer could be prayed on behalf of a person that might be wandering off track or pursuing things or people that may not be good for them. Similarly, another form of prayer is praying a hedge of protection. A hedge of thorns is for protection also but just a little more specific when praying to keep someone from someone or something. A hedge of protection can be a more general prayer when we want to just ask God to build up a wall of protection or a type of shield as a defense against any kind of harm that might come near.

“Hedge of protection” is used as a metaphor for protection. A hedge is simply just a barrier, border, or boundary surrounding or enclosing something or providing a means of protection or defense. We can ask God to create a safety barrier surrounding us that can protect us from any harm that we might encounter or that might try to come against us. Hedges are also often used as a boundary line to prevent someone or something from crossing to an area where they shouldn’t. Similarly, we can ask God to prevent our enemies from crossing a boundary line meant to protect us.

Some examples of a hedge of protection in scripture

Satan recognized a hedge of protection that God had put around Job.

“Have You not put a hedge [of protection] around him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands [and conferred prosperity and happiness upon him], and his possessions have increased in the land.” Job 1:10 (AMP)

A hedge of thorns (a form of a hedge of protection as discussed above) is mentioned in Hosea for the prevention of going down wrong paths.

“Therefore I will hedge up her way with thorns, and I will build a wall against her, so that she cannot find her paths. She shall pursue her lovers but not overtake them, and she shall seek them but shall not find them. Then she shall say, ‘I will go and return to my first husband, for it was better for me then than now.’” Hosea 2:6-7 (ESV)

God describes a hedge as special protection for a vineyard (vineyard=an analogy for Israel here), and the owner of the vineyard (i.e. God) needs only to remove the hedge in order for the vineyard to be left exposed and destroyed.

“Now let me tell you what I will do to my vineyard: I will tear down its hedges and let it be destroyed. I will break down its walls and let the animals trample it.” Isaiah 5:5 (NLT)

Scriptures about being surrounded by protection

There are many scriptures throughout the Bible that present the idea that the Lord surrounds people and places with his protection. Often verbiage is used such as surrounding, going before and following, encamping, enclosing, sheltering, concealing, covering, spreading over, and so on. These could be examples of “hedges” or of God “hedging” his people.

Here is a sampling of some of these scriptures (by no means is this exhaustive…that would be an extremely long list!):

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