Category Archives: Relationships

Burn the Ships

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Burn the Ships

A couple months ago I heard a song for the first time called “Burn the Ships”, by for KING & COUNTRY (video below). I got really excited to show my son the song because he had just told me the story about the Spanish explorer and conquistador, Hernán Cortés, who burned his ships to give his men motivation to fight. I never remembered learning about this story before.

He had actually learned it from his baseball coach this year. In fact, it’s one of the team’s mantras this year. You see, last year the team made the state playoffs but just missed making it to the championship game. This year their coach didn’t want that to hold them back. He said they need motivation just like Cortés’ men did in order to conquer the new land. They have to fight in order to survive.

For the baseball team, the metaphorical ships are their past (the past losses, being an ordinary team, almost winning, etc.). They needed to burn them down, get out of their shell, and fight as a team this year. To symbolize this, the team huddles up and shouts “1-2-3-BTS!” (BTS=Burn the ships) The back of their hoodies this year also say “Burn the Ships”.

Hernán Cortés-Burn the Ships

Cortés was said to have burned his own ships upon arrival in Veracruz, Mexico in 1519 to prevent the retreat of his men. This would send a clear message—that there was no turning back! After doing a little bit of research I discovered that Cortés, in fact, may not have actually burned the ships. There is some dispute about whether or not he burned the ships or instead sank, scuttled, or ran them aground. Additionally it is debated whether or not he actually spared one ship to send to King Charles V in Spain with a portion of the treasure from his conquest.

Regardless of the “how”, it is evident from history that the ships were indeed destroyed. Thus, the result and reasoning remain the same…to prevent retreat and ensure his men were committed to their mission. Cortés knew one thing: retreat is easy when you have the option. Therefore, to burn the ships is to cut all sources of retreat. Consequently he removed any obstacles that could potentially hold his men back from giving their full effort. The message? “Succeed or die. We are not leaving this place alive unless we win.”

A reminder to me

This reminded me of a particular time that I too had to burn the ships at one time. 10 years ago our marriage was in a deep and dark place, to the point of separation and divorce papers. It was very broken—beyond any repair that we could humanly do. Only by God’s grace, forgiveness, and power was our marriage restored.

Tattoo rings...symbols of what God has done

My tattoo ring is a reminder to me of what God has done in my marriage

We symbolically burned the ships when we literally burned our divorce papers. (I had a picture I was going to post of us burning them with fireworks on the 4th of July, but I can’t seem to find it.) My “ship” was divorce, and by burning that it took that option off of the table forever. Then on our 15 year anniversary, five years later, we re-committed with another symbolic (yet quite permanent!) declaration by getting tattoos on our wedding ring fingers as a reaffirmation of our vows.

Last month (December 2019) we celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. The traditional “gift” for 20 years is china, so I made Eric a mosaic out of a broken piece of china of my grandmother’s. This mosaic represented how God made something new and beautiful out of something very broken. This was only possible because we committed to burn the ships and decided to look ahead to the possibility and promise of something new.

Mosaic china heart

Mosaic china label

Still need reminders on occasion

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Don’t Be Surprised When People Hate You

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Don’t Be Surprised When People Hate You

Lately, I’ve come across some opposition in a variety of areas. Unfortunately in some of those instances I’ve had to deal with a fair amount of disrespect. It’s been so frustrating because I feel like I’ve handled everything right by correcting in love, affirming and pointing out the good, yet firmly setting boundaries. Even in the midst of showing love, help, and support, I received disdain in return. “Hate” is the word reverberating to me, and that hurts because I’ve done NOTHING to deserve hate. I am legitimately surprised when people hate me. After all, I’m a pretty likable person!

Then one day, after some prayer (and a good amount of tears) I remembered that Jesus experienced undeserved hate. He told us we should expect it too. We shouldn’t be surprised when people hate us.

“And everyone will hate you because you are my followers.” Luke 21:17 (NLT)

“And all nations will hate you because you are my followers. But everyone who endures to the end will be saved.” Matthew 10:22 (NLT)

“And everyone will hate you because you are my followers. But the one who endures to the end will be saved.” Mark 13:13 (NLT)

“Hear this message from the LORD, all you who tremble at his words: “Your own people hate you and throw you out for being loyal to my name. ‘Let the LORD be honored!’ they scoff. ‘Be joyful in him!’ But they will be put to shame.” Isaiah 66:5 (NLT)

“Yes, and everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution.” 2 Timothy 3:12 (NLT)

“They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good.” 2 Timothy 3:3 (NLT)

When people hate you…Welcome to my world

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Steps to Follow Jesus’ Example of Discipleship

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Steps to Follow Jesus’ Example of Discipleship

In recent posts we’ve focused on discipleship and Jesus’ instruction to us to make disciples. First we talked about discipleship not being a one-time event but more of an ongoing process. Then we focused on the steps Jesus took to model discipleship for us. Last week we spent some time on looking at how we can teach others and some examples of how and what to teach. This week we’ll look at some steps and practical ways to follow other parts of Jesus’ example of discipleship.

Jesus’ Example of Discipleship

    • Teaching (previous post on how to do this)
    • Modeling/Acting as an example
    • Loving others
    • Connecting with others
    • Correcting them
    • Serving and outreach
    • Inviting others to walk alongside to do the same

Discipleship involves modeling for them as an example

In order to be a model, you can follow Jesus’ example and the example of his disciples and followers before us. Remember…it’s a multiplication process! Show others how to live and follow Christ by your own actions, attitudes, and behaviors. Go and be a model, an example, and bear fruit for others to see and follow. What kind of an example are you leading? Are you imitating Jesus? Do your actions, attitudes, and words reflect Christ? Be the kind of disciple that God would want multiplied.

“I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you.” John 13:15 (NLT)

“Those who say they live in God should live their lives as Jesus did.” 1 John 2:6 (NLT)

“You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name.” John 15:16 (NLT)

“But you must always act like your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:48 (CEV)

“Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to follow Me [as My disciple], he must deny himself [set aside selfish interests], and take up his cross [expressing a willingness to endure whatever may come] and follow Me [believing in Me, conforming to My example in living and, if need be, suffering or perhaps dying because of faith in Me].” Matthew 16:24 (AMP)

“To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.” 1 Peter 2:21 (NIV)

“Don’t lord it over the people assigned to your care, but lead them by your own good example.” 1 Peter 5:3 (NLT)

“Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.” 1 Timothy 4:12 (NLT)

“And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching.” Titus 2:7 (NLT)

“Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children” Ephesians 5:1 (NIV)

“Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” 1 Corinthians 11:1 (NIV)

“My friends, I want you to follow my example and learn from others who closely follow the example we set for you.” Philippians 3:17 (CEV)

“I beg you, then, to follow my example.” 1 Corinthians 4:16 (GNT)

“Not because we do not have the right to this, but in order to offer ourselves as a model for you, so that you would follow our example.” 2 Thessalonians 3:9 (NASB)

“Beloved, do not imitate what is evil, but [imitate] what is good. The one who practices good [exhibiting godly character, moral courage and personal integrity] is of God; the one who practices [or permits or tolerates] evil has not seen God [he has no personal experience with Him and does not know Him at all].” 3 John 1:11 AMP

Be the kind of disciple that God would want multiplied.

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Discipleship involves loving them

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Make Disciples: Teach Them

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Make Disciples Teach Them

Make Disciples: Teach Them

We’ve been talking lately about Jesus’ instruction to us to make disciples. We’ve learned that it’s not a one-time event but more of an ongoing process that’s going to require a little more effort on our part. Last week we discussed how Jesus modeled and practiced discipleship as an example to imitate with several steps are parts in the process.

Jesus’ Example of Discipleship

    • Teaching
    • Modeling/Acting as an example
    • Loving others
    • Connecting with others
    • Correcting them
    • Serving and outreach
    • Inviting others to walk alongside to do the same

This week I’d like to give more practical insight into our role of discipleship and what it might look like as we follow Jesus’ example of these same steps. Today’s post will focus on what it means to teach as you disciple others. We’ll discuss ways to practically do this, and I’ll share loads of resources with you! (Consider bookmarking this page as a future reference for your discipling journey!)

Discipleship involves teaching

The word disciple, as a noun, actually means a learner or a student, and as a verb, it means to teach or to instruct. Thus, the first and foremost thing we should be doing after we win people to Christ is to ensure that they are being taught. We can do some of the teaching ourselves by answering questions, sharing what God is teaching us, and studying along with them in a bible study or small group. Additionally, we can lead them to teaching via inviting and taking them to church with us or encouraging them to find a good, teaching church home of their own.

Overall, Jesus sent his disciples out TO disciple, to teach and tell others about himself and to make followers. He calls us to do the same.

“Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20 (NLT)

“He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.” Mark 16:15 (NIV)

“Then the disciples went out and preached everywhere, and the Lord worked with them and confirmed his word by the signs that accompanied it.” Mark 16:20 (NIV)

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my witnesses, telling people about me everywhere—in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” Acts 1:8 (NLT)

“But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them?” Romans 10:14 (NLT)

“Parents, don’t be hard on your children. Raise them properly. Teach them and instruct them about the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4 (CEV)

“Teach the older men to exercise self-control, to be worthy of respect, and to live wisely. They must have sound faith and be filled with love and patience.

Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.

In the same way, encourage the young men to live wisely. And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching. Teach the truth so that your teaching can’t be criticized. Then those who oppose us will be ashamed and have nothing bad to say about us.” Titus 2:2-8 (NLT)

“You must teach these things and encourage the believers to do them. You have the authority to correct them when necessary, so don’t let anyone disregard what you say.” Titus 2:15 (NLT)

“You have heard me teach things that have been confirmed by many reliable witnesses. Now teach these truths to other trustworthy people who will be able to pass them on to others.” 2 Timothy 2:2 (NLT)

“He said to his disciples, “The harvest is great, but the workers are few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send more workers into his fields.”” Matthew 9:37-38 (NLT)

“These were his instructions to them: “The harvest is great, but the workers are few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send more workers into his fields.” Luke 10:2 (NLT)

Jesus sent his disciples out TO disciple, to teach and tell others about himself and to make followers. He calls us to do the same.

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Take Some Practical Steps: What to teach…

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How to Disciple: Follow Jesus’ Example of Discipleship

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How to Disciple: Follow Jesus’ Example of Discipleship

How to Disciple: Follow Jesus’ Example of Discipleship

“Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.” Matthew 28:19 (NLT)

In the previous post we discussed the importance of Jesus’ mandate to make disciples and that it is not just an event of merely converting people to Christianity but an ongoing process of teaching people to follow Jesus Christ. In essence, to disciple someone is to teach them how to be a Christian, a follower of Christ. Discipleship is the process by which Christians grow and are equipped to follow Jesus and mature spiritually.

Discipleship is the process by which Christians grow and are equipped to follow Jesus and mature spiritually.

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John Piper says of discipleship that it’s a lifetime of process—“So get them converted. Baptize them. And then spend a lifetime teaching them to obey all that Jesus said. That is what the verb “disciple” in the New Testament would include.”[1]

Now that we know that it’s an ongoing process and not an event, it can feel a bit intimidating. HOW then do we do disciple? Fortunately, we have an example of the process to follow and imitate!

Follow Jesus’ Example of Discipleship

  • Teaching
  • Modeling/Acting as an example
  • Loving others
  • Connecting with others
  • Correcting them
  • Serving and outreach
  • Inviting others to walk alongside to do the same

Teaching

As mentioned in the last post, to disciple someone is to teach them. The original Greek words used in the New Testament for “disciple” are “Matheteuo” or “Mathetes” which as a noun means a learner, pupil, or disciple and as a verb means to disciple, enroll as a scholar, instruct or teach. Below are just a few scriptures (there are over 40 total in the New Testament) about Jesus going around teaching: Continue reading →

Making Disciples: It’s a Process, Not an Event

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Making Disciples: It’s a Process, Not an Event

Making Disciples: It’s a Process, Not an Event

“Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.” Matthew 28:19 (NLT)

I’ve been really proud of my kids over the years for inviting other kids to church on a regular basis. They’ve had friends, kids from school, and their teammates accompany us to church on a number of occasions. In doing so many of them have been saved (i.e. they asked Jesus into their heart and professed him as Lord and Savior). However, their job is not done once their friends are saved. Jesus didn’t call us just to win people to the Lord but to also disciple them. It’s a journey that starts at salvation, but then progresses forward as they grow in their walk with God.

We continue to bring them with us to church and get them plugged into a small group. We get them a Bible if they don’t have one. Every once in a while we initiate casual conversations about God and Jesus, and we check in on them and to see if they have any questions, concerns, or struggles that they’ve been wrestling with in this new way of life. Modeling our relationship with God and talking about it in everyday, teachable moments is part of an ongoing process. Then we teach them to invite others too and continue this process themselves, but STILL continue to walk alongside them to helping them to grow and learn.

It’s like two sides of a coin—evangelism and discipleship. We need both to accomplish Jesus’ mandate and commission to us. Evangelism is important, but it’s not the end. Furthermore, discipleship can’t begin without evangelism first. Someone has to be “won over” before becoming a follower.

Jesus didn’t call us just to win people to the Lord but to also disciple them.

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It’s not just a numbers game

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Heap Burning Coals on Their Heads?

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Heap Burning Coals on Their Heads?

Heap Burning Coals on Their Heads?

A couple of times over the past week or so I’ve come across the verses that mention the phrase “heap burning coals on his head”.

“If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink, for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you.” Proverbs 25:21-22 (ESV)

“To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”” Romans 12:20 (ESV)

At first glance, it sounds a little ironic, like “be nice to be mean”. It almost seems a bit insincere as if we are doing good to our enemy in order to actually punish them in some way. However, through a little bit of further study I found some possible significance to the reference of “heap burning coals”, so I thought I would share my findings with you this week to give you some further understanding and insight as well.

A burning conviction

One possibility is that to heap burning coals on their head might mean to cause a sense of burning conviction. In a way, this will awaken a deadened conscience–think of stoking a fire to bring it back to life again. Being kind to them may cause them to feel shame or remorse for their behavior. An unexpected, undeserved, and merciful response might inspire a guilty conscience and assist in pointing out the error of their ways. At the very least, they should feel their sin more to the point of aggravating them.

Kindness and love bring in light which exposes sin and darkness.

“All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed.” John 3:20 (NLT)

“But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them” Ephesians 5:13 (NLT)

To heap burning coals could be to awaken a deadened conscience-Think of stoking a fire to bring it back to life again.

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Melt them into repentance

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Importance of the Right Friends

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Importance of the Right Friends

Importance of the Right Friends

“The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” (Proverbs 12:26 NIV)

In the previous post we talked about the importance of choosing friends wisely. More specifically, we discussed avoiding unequally yoked friendships. We focused primarily on what it means to be unequally yoked in close relationships. However, we did not spend a lot of time on the reasons why we should avoid these kinds of friendships. Therefore, in this week’s post I’d like to spend more time on the importance of the right friends.

When discussing unequally yoked team animals or draft animals, we mentioned that the mismatch can cause the animals to veer off path or course (even going in circles). The disparity can also lead to burdens on one or both of the animals, a loss of strength and energy, a loss of momentum and forward progression, a slower speed, and basically the animals are working against each other preventing both from completing the tasks set before them.

This is also true when we don’t have relationships with the right friends. Bad friends can endanger our course in life and turn us away from the right direction. They can also cause us undue burdens, deplete our energy and strength (mentally, emotionally, AND spiritually). Not having the right friends can slow us down and hinder our progress in life.

Friends can impact the direction of our life

We must guard our hearts when choosing the right friends. The bible says our hearts determine the course of our life. Therefore, not having the right friends (who affect our heart) can have a tremendous negative impact on the course and direction of our life.

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Proverbs 4:23 (NLT)

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” Similarly, there’s another saying that goes, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” Both quotes allude to the power that friendships have on our progress in life and in our future.

Our friendships have significant impact on us. There are negative ramifications and consequences when we don’t have the right friends.

Here are a few listed in scripture: Continue reading →