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A Letter to My Teenage Niece on Unhealthy Friendships

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A Letter to My Teenage Niece on Unhealthy Friendships

A Letter to My Teenage Niece on Unhealthy Friendships

Why are teen and preteen friendships so hard sometimes? Especially with girls. I know young girls who insist on remaining in unhealthy friendships that aren’t good for them. They stay friends with people who hurt them on a regular basis, over and over. Hey, I’ve BEEN that girl! Sadly, this wasn’t just as a teen either!

I currently know a few young girls who are struggling with healthy boundaries in friendships. My precious niece has given me permission to publish a letter of advice and perspective to her in hopes that others may benefit in their own friendships as well.

Dear sweet niece,

I’m so sorry that you’ve been having a hard time in some of your friendships lately. It breaks my heart to see you get hurt. Sometimes I wish I could let a few of those girls have a piece of my mind. On the other hand, there are times when I want to scream at you too for letting them treat you this way! Then I remember that I’ve been where you stand, even in my adult years. So, I get it.

But why do we continue to endure these harm-inflicting relationships? It’s because we don’t want to be alone. We’d rather be with people who, deep inside, we know aren’t good for us, than to fathom the pangs of loneliness. The problem is…we’re still lonely.

I mentioned a quote in a blog post that I wrote a while back… “There’s only one thing worse than being single and lonely.  It’s being married and lonely.” The quote referenced being married versus being single. However, this can pertain to unhealthy friendships too. Just like marriage doesn’t exempt us from feelings of loneliness, neither do friendships. Booker T. Washington once said, “Associate yourself with people of good quality, for it is better to be alone than in bad company.” 

Associate yourself with people of good quality, for it is better to be alone than in bad company. –Booker T Washington

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I’d like to give you a little bit of advice from my perspective about what I’ve learned and what God has shown me about some unhealthy friendships.

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It’s OK to Have Doubts and Questions About the Christian Faith

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It’s OK to Have Doubts and Questions About the Christian Faith

It’s OK to Have Doubts and Questions About the Christian Faith

This past weekend I had the opportunity to have a conversation with a couple of teenagers about issues of faith. To be completely honest, I had some pretty mixed emotions about our conversation. You see these teens had some pretty tough questions, and at points during the conversation they seemed to be questioning some of the most basic and important principles of the Christian faith.

Surprise

One emotion I experienced was that of surprise. These two teens had grown up in church and had been raised in a Christian home. Were they bringing into question everything that they have been taught all of their lives? Were they questioning the validity of the bible? How did they get to this point?

Then I almost talked myself out of the feelings of surprise as I reminded myself of the environment and culture that these teens and other teens are growing up in. The voices of the world are becoming louder and louder. They are surrounded on all sides and bombarded with attacks against Christian faith through culture in general, media, school systems, and even peer groups. How could they NOT have questions?

In the Bible, even the people in Berea were commended for questioning the teachings of Paul and Silas to make sure they were true. Their questioning did not surprise nor offend Paul.

“And the people of Berea were more open-minded than those in Thessalonica, and they listened eagerly to Paul’s message. They searched the Scriptures day after day to see if Paul and Silas were teaching the truth. As a result, many Jews believed, as did many of the prominent Greek women and men.” Acts 17:11-12 (NLT)

Fear and concern

Another emotion that arose was one of fear and concern. Questions began to flood my mind. If they are Christians and they have these questions, what must kids that weren’t raised in a Christian environment believe? If they were raised in church and in a Christian home, do all kids raised in a Christian environment have similar doubts and questions? Will my own kids have doubts and questions about their faith too? Am I equipped as a parent to raise kids who won’t have doubts? Is our future doomed if this is the common belief system of the current generation?

Then, as He always does, God started to ease my fears and concerns. Continue reading →

Gathering Different Kinds of Souvenirs

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Gathering Different Kinds of Souvenirs

Gathering Different Kinds of Souvenirs

I recently took a short trip out to Charleston, South Carolina to spend some time with a couple of my best college friends. Charleston is GORGEOUS! Honestly, traveling is one of my most favorite things to do in the world. This is especially true when traveling to places saturated with rich history and culture. I love going and doing and seeing and learning.

Gathering souvenirs

Kiawah Island

This visit was a bit more casual, which was nice and refreshing. Oh, we still did a couple of touristy things, but for the most part we just took it easy. We walked along the beach one afternoon and chatted. We spent a day doing some antique shopping, convinced that antiques in Charleston SURELY must be older and cooler than those in Oklahoma! 😉 Then we also visited a plantation taking our time learning about the history of the area. However, most of my time was spent just visiting and catching up with my friends of 20+ years.

Different kinds of souvenirs

Typically I love picking up souvenirs along the way from my travels, just little things to commemorate my trip. This trip my short list of tangible souvenirs included a few shells and sand dollars picked up on the beach, a print of the Angel Oak Tree from a local artist, a skeleton key given to me by a lady in an antique shop, and some spices purchased at The Tomato Shed Café so I could recreate the amazing Tomato Shed Shrimp at home.

A souvenir is a thing that is kept as a reminder of a person, place, or event. It is French for “to remember” or “to come to mind”. So I guess technically souvenirs don’t necessarily have to be physical items. They just have to be something that serves as a reminder. For this trip then, I received a different kind of souvenir. My most precious souvenirs are my memories…those of quality time spent with my friends, but also those of some of the interesting people I met along the way.

Frank, the Angel Oak artist Continue reading →

Is Your “Temple” In Ruins?

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Is Your “Temple” In Ruins? What is the state of your physical body?

Is Your “Temple” In Ruins? What is the state of your physical body?

“Why are you living in luxurious houses while my house lies in ruins?” Haggai 1:4 (NLT)

I recently read this verse during a mini-study of the book of Haggai. Many years prior to this time in scripture, the Babylonian armies destroyed God’s temple in Jerusalem, and exiled the people. The temple lay in ruins for quite some time. King Cyrus later gave permission for the Jews to return to Jerusalem to rebuild. During the time of Haggai, the people should have been in the process of rebuilding the temple.

However as time went, they had limited resources and started facing opposition. When difficulties came, it discouraged the people, and they gave up. Then instead, they started building and working on their own elaborate homes. Consequently, God sent a message to Haggai as a word for Zerubbabel, the governor of Judah. Haggai was to encourage Zerubbabel and the people to continue the work of rebuilding the temple and to reorder their priorities.

I saw this “temple in ruins” message from a different perspective

Haggai 1:4 stood out to me and kind of convicted me in a different way. I saw this from the perspective of God’s house, or temple, as my body. I saw how the state of my body probably isn’t what it should be in order to be fit to be the house of God. Frequently, I don’t take care of myself like I should…in my eating habits, my activity/exercise, and in getting rest like I should.  Often I put other things as a higher priority, and taking care of myself takes a back seat.

Additionally, I noticed that I sometimes tend to give up on focusing and working on my body when Continue reading →

Tips for Spending Time With God

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Tips for spending time with God

Tips for Spending Time With God

On occasion readers post comments on different blog posts that I feel deserve more attention than just a reply at the bottom of a post. This week is one of those occasions. A reader recently posted a comment with some questions on my post “How to Overcome Feeling Unloved or Unwanted”. I’d like to take some time to answer her questions and provide some additional resources that I think might be helpful for her and others struggling with spending time with God.

This might also be a timely message for others too since the start of the year is a common time to evaluate spiritual growth and set some goals to grow stronger and spend more time with God. You might find some good tips within the post or other resources to help you kick start and/or maintain some of your spiritual New Year’s resolutions.  You can also check out Tips to Start Reading the Bible on a Regular Basis for some extra help and encouragement too.

A comment from Tina

“As great as this article is, I still can’t grasp the concept that “God” loves me…I know partly this is due to me not spending enough time in his word, but for me I never really got much of a true understanding of the Bible and his Word 1. How do I know what to read? 2. What is enough time to spend with God?

I find comfort in being around others… amongst other things, but I want to find comfort in God. 2016 was a very very hard year for me. For the past 4 or 5 months I have felt so UNLOVED, lonely, and rejected…I have prayed countless times for God to just take me away, because the pain I feel on most days has become the norm.

It hurts the most when the one person you love, says one thing but acts different….the same person that I once was all he ever wanted and because I have felt so unloved my entire life, once the triggers started happening it made me become clingy and probably push him away (although he never said it)…My point is not to get advice on the above, but instead I feel the most unloved when things like this happen.

I wish I had the belief, peace, joy, and faith, but honestly it is hard for me to fathom that there is a God…I am very skeptical, logical, and need to be in control and those 3 things are disastrous to truly believing. I get so discouraged about this. I have prayed endless prayers to stop my unbelief and doubt, to prayers about understanding, etc.

I can’t take any more on my own the stress, sadness, and heartache is making me sick. It is so hard to see and understand God when you feel like everything is against you. I truly wish I was stronger, more confidence, and self-esteem. I wish someone (outside of God) would love me like I love. I am so genuine and all that’s brought me is heartache. I sit in my room or in my car with just with tears flowing wondering what I could have done in my life to feel like this. I am hurting and can only hope that I can find happiness and joy inside of me.”

Dear Tina…

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What To Do When You Don’t Know What To Do

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What to do when you don’t know what to do

What To Do When You Don’t Know What To Do

I recently received a question from a sweet reader on a previous post I had written, How To Use the Correct GPS–God Positioning System. This person felt like they might be on the wrong track and may have made a wrong decision about attending a design school. They were starting to doubt their original decision to attend. The essence of this reader’s question was basically, “What do you do when you don’t know what to do?”

I think that many people could relate to this question. So today I wanted to share my advice to this reader for when you don’t know what to do, in hopes that it may help others too. There are 3 simple steps that I find helpful in any decision-making process, large or small. I’ll jump right into your practical steps…

Take Some Practical Steps When You Don’t Know What To Do:

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Educate Yourself For Elections

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Educate Yourself For Elections

Educate Yourself For Elections

Well, for my United States counterparts this week is big for our country. Unfortunately for many it’s dreaded due to a heated and controversial presidential election. However, today my goal is not to get into the politics of which candidates to choose or how to vote. Rather today I’d like to focus on the importance of and ways to educate yourself for elections.

In fact, I firmly believe not only do you have a civic duty to educate yourself for elections, but a spiritual duty as well. How else can you rightly divide the truth and how you, your community, your country, and ultimately how the Kingdom of God will be impacted?

“Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ.” Colossians 2:8 (NLT)

After all, we WILL be held accountable to God for our actions. Part of those actions will include voting (or the lack of doing so). You cannot vote your convictions if you have not spent the time to educate yourself for elections taking place in your area.

“So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.” Romans 14:12 (NIV)

“For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.” 2 Corinthians 5:10 (NIV) 

You cannot vote your convictions if you have not spent the time to educate yourself for elections taking place.

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The Christian duty to vote

“Choose some well-respected men from each tribe who are known for their wisdom and understanding, and I will appoint them as your leaders.” Deuteronomy 1:13 (NLT)

Part of the impact and influence Christians have in this world includes how we vote for the people and laws that lead and govern us.

“Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin condemns any people.” Proverbs 14:34 (NIV)

“When the godly are in authority, the people rejoice. But when the wicked are in power, they groan.” Proverbs 29:2 (NLT)

I loved this quote… Continue reading →

Funny Friday: Nourishment to Our Bodies

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Nourishment to our bodies

Funny Friday: Nourishment to Our Bodies

This does seem like a common prayer regardless of the health of the items on our plates…Lord, let this food be a nourishment to our bodies!

“This is the bread that comes down from heaven, so that one may eat of it and not die.” John 6:50 (ESV)