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Apologizing Doesn’t Remove All Consequences

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Apologizing Doesn’t Remove All Consequences

Apologizing Doesn’t Remove All Consequences

**Updated: Originally posted 11/22/2016

A few years ago my son and daughter were arguing after church. Surprise. Surprise. Why do kids argue over the stupidest things? My daughter had actually won a prize at church, a giant Pixy Stix. They started arguing over if she would share or not. When she went to put her coat on before we walked out to the car she needed someone to hold her Pixy Stix. She wouldn’t hand it to her brother but to me instead. Apparently he got mad because he was “trying to help her”. I’m sure he had other ulterior motives too. So he spouted off in a hateful tone, “I was just trying to help you! You’re a piece of crap!”

After I picked my jaw up off the floor at the nastiness that just spewed out of his mouth, I quickly informed him that we DO NOT talk like that to people. I also advised him that he would definitely not be getting any of that Pixy Stix now.

When we got to the car I made him do the 4-step apology (or as we call it now, “apologize the right way”). We had some further, lengthy “discussion” about his attitude and the ease with which he flung his verbal assault. After some conversation, the tension ceased. Something else lighthearted created peace between the two siblings again; for the life of me I can’t remember what it was now.

Then, I had that motherly 6th sense as I was driving. My daughter, the forgiving soul that she is, gave her brother some of her Pixy Stix candy.

So hollering behind me…

Me: “Are you eating some of that Pixy Stix?!”

My son: “Yes, she gave me some.”

Me: “I told you NO Pixy Stix.”

My son: “But I apologized and she forgave me.”

Me: “Apologies don’t delete consequences. Just because you said you were sorry doesn’t mean that your punishment disappears. Just because she forgave you doesn’t make the hurt you caused her disappear.”

Then I remembered an exercise that I sometimes do with my classes to demonstrate a point. Continue reading →

What Does the Bible Say About Apologizing?

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What Does The Bible Say About Apologizing title image

What Does the Bible Say About Apologizing?

Someone recently said to me that you can’t find someone saying “I’m sorry” anywhere in the Bible. In all honesty, it’s an accurate statement…to an extent. Those exact words may not have been used (depending on the translation you use). Even so, I had never heard the word “yeet” until my teenagers started using it this past year (insert rolling eyes and face slap). Although the exact words “I’m sorry” might not be mentioned in scripture, there most certainly is much discussion about confession (to God and others), repentance, seeking forgiveness, and making peace. The terminology and exact wording may just look a little different.

So what DOES the Bible say about apologizing?

Apologizing requires humility

Apologizing takes humility, and humility is a character that God greatly values! When we humble ourselves and apologize to others (which can almost always be extremely difficult to do), we are showing honor and respect to those we have wronged. Apologizing comes from a humbled heart, and God honors and favors this trait.

“But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”” James 4:6 (NIV)

“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.” James 4:10 (NLT)

“In the same way, you who are younger, submit yourselves to your elders. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”” 1 Peter 5:5 (NIV)

“Though the LORD is great, he cares for the humble, but he keeps his distance from the proud.” Psalm 138:6 (NLT)

“The LORD mocks the mockers but is gracious to the humble.” Proverbs 3:34 (NLT)

“Pride ends in humiliation, while humility brings honor.” Proverbs 29:23 (NLT)

“But those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” Matthew 23:12 (NLT)

Apologizing consists of confess your sins and making reconciliation

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Are All Sins Equal?

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Are All Sins Equal?

Are All Sins Equal?

A couple of years ago at a church youth service we tackled the question, “Are all sins equal?” This brought up some interesting discussion, and honestly the answers were all across the board. Somehow all of us innately know that there are some grievances that are worse than others. We would be hard-pressed to try to convince someone else that a “little white lie” is just as bad as sexual abuse or murder. Even in the justice system there are levels and degrees of offenses…misdemeanors, felonies, first-degree murder, second-degree murder, etc. Some sins are just more severe, right?

However, is that how God sees it? Does God put more weight on one sin than another? Are all sins equal in God’s eyes? Answering and debating this question can put a lot of Christians at odds with one another, not to mention the conflict this argument can cause with non-Christians. One could take their arguments into opposite ditches. Some would argue that all sins are equal as a way to overlook the severity of certain sins or even as a license to sin. Others would argue that all sins are not equal as an attempt to single out certain groups of people in order to condemn them. Both ditches are wrong.

My goal today is to hopefully provide a little clarification and to give some additional resources to get more wisdom in this area.

Not a quick and easy answer

Unfortunately, I don’t believe this question comes with a quick and easy answer. If it did, here’s how I would respond…

Yes, all sins are equal in that ALL sins separate us from God, regardless of degree of severity. No, all sins are not equal in consequence or in the harm and damage caused to self and/or others. Yes, all sins are equal in that Jesus’ blood and sacrifice is enough to cover them all, each and every one, regardless of degree of severity.

Yes, all sins are equal in that ALL sins separate us from God, regardless of degree of severity. No, all sins are not equal in consequence or in the harm and damage caused to self and/or others.

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I love the way Michael Kruger differentiates between sins… Continue reading →

She forgot her backpack…Allowing natural consequences

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She forgot her backpack...allowing natural consequences

She forgot her backpack…Allowing natural consequences

A couple of weeks ago I experienced a hard day as a momma. In fact my journal entry for that day reads, “Today is a little rough as a mom to see through natural consequences for my child.”

My daughter had been pretty irresponsible lately (not getting chores done, taking much longer than it should to get things done, forgetting things, and so on). On this particular day, she had forgotten her backpack with her homework at home because she wasn’t paying attention and focusing on the right things. She also forgot to drink her milk that morning even after being reminded.

At school, as she was getting out of the car, she noticed that she had forgotten her backpack. She didn’t ask me to go get it and bring it back to her because she knew she’d already used up her one “grace” already this school year. I give each of my kids one “grace” per school year where I’ll retrieve a forgotten item just one time.

Part of me REALLY wanted to go back home and get it for her though. She had such a discouraged look on her face that broke my heart. However, something inside me reminded me that she needs to have her natural consequences as a learning opportunity. I was struggling so much internally though I even called Eric to ask him if I should go back and get it for her. As soon as I heard myself asking him though, “don’t do it!” was running through my head. Eric had the same response, especially considering her recent irresponsible behavior.

It still just made me so sad because I don’t want my kids to have to suffer discouragement, pain or heartache. I think God must feel this way at times too.

God is also a good, but just parent

Thinking about it all reminded me of a previous post I wrote where I talked about being sad when I wanted to do nice or fun things for the kids but their bad behavior prevented me from doing so. At that time I also had the realization that God must experience similar emotions and how he is a good but just parent. He allows us to experience many of our natural consequences. Though as a parent, he probably doesn’t like it, and it makes him really sad to see us experience pain and hardship too.

Consequences teach necessary life skills

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