Home » feeling unwanted

Tag Archives: feeling unwanted

Tips for Spending Time With God

Tips for spending time with God

Tips for Spending Time With God

On occasion readers post comments on different blog posts that I feel deserve more attention than just a reply at the bottom of a post. This week is one of those occasions. A reader recently posted a comment with some questions on my post “How to Overcome Feeling Unloved or Unwanted”. I’d like to take some time to answer her questions and provide some additional resources that I think might be helpful for her and others struggling with spending time with God.

This might also be a timely message for others too since the start of the year is a common time to evaluate spiritual growth and set some goals to grow stronger and spend more time with God. You might find some good tips within the post or other resources to help you kick start and/or maintain some of your spiritual New Year’s resolutions. You can also check out Tips to Start Reading the Bible on a Regular Basis for some extra help and encouragement too.

A comment from Tina

“As great as this article is, I still can’t grasp the concept that “God” loves me…I know partly this is due to me not spending enough time in his word, but for me I never really got much of a true understanding of the Bible and his Word 1. How do I know what to read? 2. What is enough time to spend with God?

I find comfort in being around others… amongst other things, but I want to find comfort in God. 2016 was a very very hard year for me. For the past 4 or 5 months I have felt so UNLOVED, lonely, and rejected…I have prayed countless times for God to just take me away, because the pain I feel on most days has become the norm.

It hurts the most when the one person you love, says one thing but acts different….the same person that I once was all he ever wanted and because I have felt so unloved my entire life, once the triggers started happening it made me become clingy and probably push him away (although he never said it)…My point is not to get advice on the above, but instead I feel the most unloved when things like this happen.

I wish I had the belief, peace, joy, and faith, but honestly it is hard for me to fathom that there is a God…I am very skeptical, logical, and need to be in control and those 3 things are disastrous to truly believing. I get so discouraged about this. I have prayed endless prayers to stop my unbelief and doubt, to prayers about understanding, etc.

I can’t take any more on my own the stress, sadness, and heartache is making me sick. It is so hard to see and understand God when you feel like everything is against you. I truly wish I was stronger, more confidence, and self-esteem. I wish someone (outside of God) would love me like I love. I am so genuine and all that’s brought me is heartache. I sit in my room or in my car with just with tears flowing wondering what I could have done in my life to feel like this. I am hurting and can only hope that I can find happiness and joy inside of me.”

Dear Tina…

Continue reading →

Recognizing God’s Love By Building Your Relationship With God–Part 2

7 Replies

Recognizing God’s Love By Building Your Relationship With God--Part 2

Recognizing God’s Love By Building Your Relationship With Him–Part 2

Last week I started a reply to comment that I received on a previous post, “How to Overcome Feeling Unloved or Unwanted”. I shared that learning to recognize God’s love is a process that takes time and starts with building a relationship with God. This week I’d like to finish up my reply by giving the intentional steps that we need to take in order to build our relationship with God and to learn how to feel God’s love. I will give more details on what more is needed besides attending a getaway, retreat or conference in order to have lasting healing and success.

Reader’s Comment:

“I’m 59, and to this day still feel unloved. I believe what you say about God’s love for us. I can’t seem to sit and really spend time with him. I do talk to Him all day here and there. I know in my mind He loves me but the rest of me doesn’t. I’m so insure from lack of feeling love I push people away. I hate it. I have five kids whom I love so much along with 9 grandkids. At this point I prefer to be dead, but I don’t want to give up. I want to know true love (not from a man at this point divorced twice) and happiness here on earth before I die. Are there places to go for a week or 2 for adults to get away and have bible studies or spiritual help?”

Previously I addressed that there’s a need for some emotional and spiritual healing to take place. I gave an analogy of a broken arm and how a cast (like a retreat or a conference) is the start of the healing process, but more healing needs to take place on the inside by taking some steps on purpose to have lasting, long-term recovery. I mentioned that the 4-step Formula for Success would be beneficial in this process. The formula consists of learning, taking action, using persistence, and make sure we have support.

Build relationship with God: learn, take action, use persistence & make sure you have support.

Click To Tweet

Take Some Practical Steps to Build Your Relationship With God:

Learn

The first step we need to intentionally take to build our relationship with God (and to learn to recognize God’s love by spending time with him) is to learn about him. There are several ways to do this. Continue reading →

Recognizing God’s Love By Building Your Relationship With Him–Part 1

1 Reply

Learn how to start Recognizing God’s Love By Building Your Relationship With Him--Part 1

Recognizing God’s Love By Building Your Relationship With Him–Part 1

**Read Part 2 here

With any relationship, you need to build it by spending time with one another and learning more about each other. This is how love grows. Our relationship with God is no different. We need to spend time with him and learn about him in order to cultivate and grow love in that relationship. It’s also a process that doesn’t happen overnight or even in a week.

This week’s post is another response to a comment that I received on a previous post, “How to Overcome Feeling Unloved or Unwanted”. Some responses just take more than a quick reply if I’m doing them justice. My prayer is that I can give this hurting person some hope and guidance to further recognize God’s love by learning how to build relationship with him.

Reader’s Comment:

Quick answer…

As a quick answer to the question asked about getaways for bible studies and spiritual help… Continue reading →

What If God’s Love Isn’t Enough?

8 Replies

Previously I shared that the best way to overcome feeling unloved/unwanted is to know that we are loved/wanted by God. But what if God's love isn't enough?

What If God’s Love Isn’t Enough?

This week’s post is in response to a comment I received on a former post, “How to Overcome Feeling Unloved or Unwanted”. I felt that a reply at the bottom of the post wouldn’t do him justice. In that post I shared that the best way I know to overcome feeling unloved and unwanted is to come to the understanding and realization that we are loved and wanted by God. A gentleman left me a comment, and he made a very good point. His comment:

“Ms. Robbins, with all due respect, what you say sounds excellent on paper. Unfortunately, here in the real world, no matter how much love God may have for me, it’s not keeping me warm at night. It’s not filling this empty spot in my bed. In other words, God’s love is no substitute for a warm body nor the touch of a woman who wants and desires me.”

I get what he’s saying. It’s almost as if he’s asking, “What if God’s love isn’t enough?” He’s not alone in feeling that way. I have also asked that question. In that post, I also discussed how Leah felt this way too. It’s not uncommon. It’s not absurd for him to ask this. It’s very normal. I am happy to say now that in my own searching, I have found the answer to that question.

First, I’d like to address his first statement. What I write here at this site is never meant it to just sound good on paper. My intent is to always give practical steps and applications to walk out in everyday life. This is because I do live in the real world, and I know there is a real world (full of a lot of hurt and a lot of crap). I’ve been through a lot of it myself. Most of what I share and teach isn’t just from a “teacher/professor of life” point of view. It’s from the perspective of a student who has been through a lot of these things myself and about how God has navigated me through them. Sometimes I’ve navigated through them successfully…sometimes not so much, and that’s where I get to share from my failures. What I write is from MY real world and what I’ve learned, and God has called me to share it with others to hopefully help them too.

Now onto the part about “God’s love is no substitute”. He makes a very good point. I truly get it. I know that pain. I know what that longing and emptiness feel like. I know that feeling that something’s missing. I remember when all of my friends were getting married, and I was single. Everyone else seemed so happy. They seemed to have something I was missing. It made me so sad to see couples. And weddings…they would set me into a major funk and depression. For a while, I even refused to go to weddings because they were so depressing for me. Isn’t that awful? I now feel horrible about that because I see in hindsight how extremely selfish that was of me. I should have celebrated in others’ happiness instead wallowing in my own sorrow and self-pity.

Now, I’m happily married (for nearly 16 years now—wahoo!!). However, I CAN’T tell you that it’s always been happy, happy, joy, joy or that I’ve never experienced loneliness. Marriage or relationships don’t exempt you from feelings of emptiness or loneliness—even with having that person to share life with and that person who wants and desires you. I heard somebody say once, “There’s only one thing worse than being single and lonely. It’s being married and lonely.” Even in my marriage I have experienced some of the deepest pits of feeling unloved and unwanted. Some of it stemmed from marriage troubles, but quite honestly a lot of it was due to my own insecurities and in trying to make my husband fill a void in me that only God’s love can fill. Although, I experienced these immense feelings of being unloved and unwanted, I was also able to overcome them.

Oswald Chambers

God showed me that it was through Him that I could overcome feeling unloved and unwanted. God showed me that if I will always fill myself up with His love first, then everything else I get from others is just an overflow on top of an already full cup (an analogy I learned from Beth Moore). And when I’m already full and overflowing, THEN I can be better at overflowing that love onto others. We have to be filled with God first.

If I will fill myself up w/God’s love first, then everything else I get is just an overflow on top of an already full cup!

Click To Tweet

Continue reading →

Overcome Insecurity Caused by a Tragic Circumstance or Incident

Sadly many of us have had the misfortune of dealing with a tragic circumstance or incident in our lives which can lead to insecurities and affect our self-esteem and self-worth. Painful and traumatic experiences can affect our identity and how we view ourselves. Tamar in the bible had to deal with a tragic circumstance of being raped by her half-brother, Amnon, and she felt shame and lived in desolation thereafter.

“But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her, and since he was stronger than she was, he raped her … But now Tamar tore her robe and put ashes on her head. And then, with her face in her hands, she went away crying … so Tamar lived as a desolate woman in her brother Absalom’s house.” 2 Samuel 13:14, 19, 20b (NLT)

There are a variety of traumatic experiences that could affect our perceived worth and value. Death is a tragic circumstance that can sometimes cause low self-esteem. When we lose someone close to us, we not only lose that person but we lose the role that we played with that person which can sometimes affect our self-worth. We could potentially have feelings of insignificance, uncertainty, vulnerability, fear of the future, feeling of no longer being needed, etc. These same types of feelings can accompany a divorce (a death of sorts) and even a traumatic health problem or injury (cancer, debilitating injury, etc.) in addition to insecurities about appearances if they have been altered in any way. God HATES death and sickness and the pain and negative side effects that accompany them. God wants to set us free from these and heal us (physically and emotionally).

“And the last enemy to be destroyed is death.” 1 Corinthians 15:26 (NLT)

“Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” Isaiah 53:4-5 (NIV)

Abuse (emotional, physical or sexual) is a tragic circumstance that can make us feel like we have little value. It can lead to feelings that we are “damaged goods” or guilt that maybe we deserved the abuse somehow. Many people that have suffered abuse start to believe the lie that they are worthless and aren’t deserving of love and affection. God HATES abuse. He wants to protect and avenge us from this.

“The LORD examines both the righteous and the wicked. He hates those who love violence.” Psalm 11:5 (NLT)

Infidelity (emotional, physical, or pornographic) is definitely a tragic circumstance that affects one’s self-esteem and one’s worth and value. Often those on the receiving end of infidelity feel that if they were “enough” then the infidelity wouldn’t have happened. This can lead to feelings of being unloved or unwanted as well as leading to comparisons with the other person(s) involved (i.e. affair partners or pornographic images). The unfaithful person also struggles with negative feelings—especially guilt and a low sense of self-worth because of the pain that they have caused their loved one. God HATES infidelity and the pain of the aftermath that it causes. He wants to restore and heal people in these situations.

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)

“But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28 (NLT)

I’m sure there are many, many other examples of traumatic incidents that lead to insecurity other than the few examples I’ve given here. Ultimately God hates them all. He wants to free us from the pain that they cause. He wants us to see ourselves the way HE sees us and get an accurate view of our self-worth and value.

God wants us to see ourselves the way HE sees us & get an accurate view of our self-worth.

Click To Tweet

If you are a victim of a tragic circumstance, God wants you to know: Continue reading →

Feeling Rejected? Shake That Dirt Off Your Sandal

3 Replies

Feeling Rejected? Shake That Dirt Off Your Sandal

We’ve been talking a lot lately about insecurities. For most people it’s an ongoing struggle, myself included. Even though I’ve grown tremendously in knowing my value and my worth and seeing myself the way God sees me, I still have feelings of insecurity from time to time. I still have to use the same strategies and practical steps that I share with you in order to help myself.

Take this past week for example. I had a reader unsubscribe from my blog which led to some feelings of rejection and being unwanted/unliked. I actually had mixed feelings about it. I was a little relieved because I don’t think this person really ever read my posts anyway, and it appeared to hurt my numbers or analytics on my subscriber list of “opened posts” (not that this is really that big of a deal, but these analytics could have bearing on my credibility with affiliates, etc.). At the same time though, I felt a little hurt and offended. I KNOW better than to feel this way, and I KNOW this person probably had perfectly good and acceptable reasons and never intentionally meant to hurt me. It still just smarts a little. It feels like somebody was saying to me, “I don’t like your stuff!”

I reached out to my sister, Shawna, to share my feelings and get some encouragement. She replied with the perfect message that really helped me (my words in italics)… Continue reading →

How to Overcome Feeling Unloved or Unwanted

14 Replies

Learn How to Overcome Feeling Unloved or Unwanted

How to Overcome Feeling Unloved or Unwanted

**Please read the companion posts too: How to Recognize Love and Feel Loved by Others, and subsequent posts on What If God’s Love Isn’t Enough? and Recognizing God’s Love by Building Your Relationship with Him–Part 1 and Part 2.

Feeling unloved or unwanted is one of the 9 Common Causes of Insecurity that we previously discussed. When we feel loved, we tend to feel good about ourselves. The opposite is true too, and that’s why we can become insecure (click here to read more posts on overcoming insecurity and poor self-esteem and how to realize your true value/worth). There might be several reasons for someone feeling unloved. Below are some examples of the types of people who might sometimes feel unloved or unwanted.

People who might feel unloved–You might see yourself in one or more of these examples.

Those from a family of divorce
Those who have gone through a divorce themselves
Those on the receiving end of infidelity
Those who have lost a job
Adopted children
Those on the receiving end of a breakup
Those living in a dysfunctional family
Those from a family of absentee parents
Those from an abusive home or situation
Victims of sexual abuse
Those who have made a lot of mistakes (or feel like they’ve messed up so bad they don’t deserve to be loved)
Those who have difficulty finding a significant other
Those who have experienced rejection in any form

An unloved girl in the bible

In the bible, Leah was married to Jacob, but she was not his first choice as a wife. Her father actually deceived Jacob into thinking that he was marrying Leah’s sister, Rachel. Jacob eventually did marry Rachel too, and he favored her above Leah. Leah felt unloved by her husband (and rightly so) which made her insecure and believe that if she gave her husband children then he might finally love her.

“So Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “The lord has noticed my misery, and now my husband will love me.”” Genesis 29:32 (NLT)

You can’t earn love. It must be freely given. #feeling unloved

Click To Tweet

Come to the understanding that you are loved and wanted by God

People often try to overcome feeling unloved the same way Leah did—by trying to earn it. Continue reading →

Happy, Healthy & Prosperous

Life Skills for Success ~ Pressing Toward the Mark

Tag Archives: feeling unwanted

Tips for Spending Time With God

Tips for Spending Time With God

A comment from Tina

Dear Tina…

Recognizing God’s Love By Building Your Relationship With God–Part 2

Recognizing God’s Love By Building Your Relationship With Him–Part 2

Take Some Practical Steps to Build Your Relationship With God:

Learn

Recognizing God’s Love By Building Your Relationship With Him–Part 1

Recognizing God’s Love By Building Your Relationship With Him–Part 1

Reader’s Comment:

Quick answer…

What If God’s Love Isn’t Enough?

What If God’s Love Isn’t Enough?

Overcome Insecurity Caused by a Tragic Circumstance or Incident

Overcome Insecurity Caused by a Tragic Circumstance or Incident

Feeling Rejected? Shake That Dirt Off Your Sandal

Feeling Rejected? Shake That Dirt Off Your Sandal

How to Overcome Feeling Unloved or Unwanted

How to Overcome Feeling Unloved or Unwanted

People who might feel unloved–You might see yourself in one or more of these examples.

An unloved girl in the bible

Come to the understanding that you are loved and wanted by God

Tips for Spending Time With God

A comment from Tina

Dear Tina…

Share this:

Top 10 Posts of 2015

Take Some Practical Steps:

Top 10 Posts of 2015

Share this:

Recognizing God’s Love By Building Your Relationship With Him–Part 2

Take Some Practical Steps to Build Your Relationship With God:

Learn

Share this:

Recognizing God’s Love By Building Your Relationship With Him–Part 1

Reader’s Comment:

Quick answer…

Share this:

What If God’s Love Isn’t Enough?

Share this:

Overcome Insecurity Caused by a Tragic Circumstance or Incident

Share this:

Feeling Rejected? Shake That Dirt Off Your Sandal

Share this:

How to Overcome Feeling Unloved or Unwanted

People who might feel unloved–You might see yourself in one or more of these examples.

An unloved girl in the bible

Come to the understanding that you are loved and wanted by God

Share this: