Tag Archives: interpersonal communication

Scriptures to help when you feel attacked or persecuted …

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Scriptures to help when you feel attacked or persecuted …

Scriptures to help when you feel attacked or persecuted…

Previously, I shared how to respond when people offend you.  I discussed incidents of feeling a tad bit persecuted, and how I’ve decided to react when it happens.  On many occasions, I’ve had to fight the urge to fight back!  Even though we know the right way to respond (or NOT respond), it’s still hard sometimes to deal with the attacks.  In light of that, in this post I’ve put together a list of scriptures that can be helpful and encouraging when you feel you are being attacked or persecuted.  It’s helpful to know that we’re not alone and that God has given us some encouragement and direction on this topic.

Persecution is common for Christians

Persecution is a term we can relate to being treated differently in a negative context.  To persecute is to pursue with harassing or oppressive treatment; to harass persistently; or to annoy or trouble persistently.  The Bible is chock-full of stories where Christians were persecuted.  In the Old Testament, Noah was criticized and thought of as crazy for building an ark, the Hebrews were oppressed and made slaves in Egypt before their exodus with Moses, Joseph was harassed by his brothers, and there are countless other stories in the Old Testament.  Throughout much of the New Testament, Christians everywhere were persecuted, even (and especially) Jesus Christ, Himself.

Present-day Christians encounter persecution of all kinds…even death.  It’s both humbling and easier to bear being picked on, attacked, insulted, and persecuted when we know that across the world there are others suffering much, much worse.   

There are times when we will share in some of Christ’s sufferings.

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Why do you think Christians are persecuted—what’s the cause?

It’s often hard not to ask the question “why me?” when we are being treated differently, being persecuted, or just being left out, but the Bible reminds us in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that trials (persecution included) are common to man—meaning that they happen to us all.  1 Peter 4:12-29 also tells us not to be surprised when trials come against us as if it’s strange, like it shouldn’t be happening.  There are times when we will share in some of Christ’s sufferings.  However, Romans 8:18 reminds us that even though we might experience suffering in the present, it will not even compare to the glory that will be revealed to us later.  If we are ever persecuted for being a Christian or living right, God will make it right someday—He’s got our backs.  God is our avenger.  We just have to remember that things aren’t always peachy just because we are Christians.

The devil considers us a threat!

As I briefly mentioned in a previous post, we might even consider it a compliment that the devil thinks of us as enough of a threat that he has to mess with us!  That must mean we’re doing something right!  The devil comes against us (or uses other people or circumstances to come against us) because we look like God (Genesis 5:1 says man is made in God’s own image).  The devil can’t get to God so he comes after us.  A good thing to remember is this—that if you’re not pleasing God, you’re pleasing the devil; and if you’re pleasing the devil, you’re not pleasing God.  We should seek to please God by being the people He calls us to be—by being different from the world.  It is better to be a God-pleaser than a people-pleaser, world-pleaser, or devil-pleaser!!

A very sweet reader sent me an encouraging e-mail once saying, “Praise God for people like you who stand up to Satan’s “temper tantrum”.”  I loved that!  I hope these verses will be an encouragement to you too to stand up to Satan’s temper tantrums!

Christians, stand up to Satan’s temper tantrums!

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Scriptures to help when you feel attacked or persecuted…

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How to Respond to Comments…especially in touchy situations

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How to Respond to Comments…especially in touchy situations

How to Respond to Comments…especially in touchy situations

In a previous post, I mentioned the ever-increasing amount of negative comments I receive on my blog.  I guess that comes with the territory of “putting myself out there” in a public format.  I’ve had to learn how to avoid making negative comments even when that might be my first reaction.  I’m still a work in progress.  However, I have somewhat of a system now on exactly how to respond to comments, negative or not.  I’d like to share it with you because you might also find it helpful when deciding how you should reply to people.

It’s often hard to figure out what to say

At times deciding how to respond to comments can be nerve-wracking even when the comments aren’t negative.  Sometimes people are hurting and ask hard questions.  Occasionally, I receive comments on a previous post, “How to Overcome Feeling Unloved or Unwanted”.  Sadly, this post is one of the most popular posts on my website.  I say “sadly” because it makes me so sad to know that so many people feel unloved and unwanted.  Then again, maybe that’s exactly why God had me write it and why He directs so many people to that page.

It also makes me very sad when I get some of the comments from people still looking for answers because I can almost feel their hurt and pain in their writing.  Then, I feel a little scared and overwhelmed knowing that I have to reply to these hurting people to try and give them some answers, encouragement, and hope.  It’s a lot of pressure!  I actually said to God, “What if I mess them up!?”  I honestly feel so completely unqualified at times to help people.  In fact, I’ve talked before about making excuses like this with God.  They never work.  He just tells me to follow his lead and he will instruct me in what to say (Exodus 4:12).

Speaking from my own experiences

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How to Avoid Making Negative Comments

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Learn some steps to avoid the trap of making negative comments.

How to Avoid Making Negative Comments

I get several comments posted to my blog articles.  Unfortunately, not all of them are very nice.  Sometimes it’s hard not to take things personally.  At one point, I had been getting so many negative comments in such a short time frame that when I would get an e-mail informing me that I had a new comment to moderate I would moan and hang my head in dread of what I was about to read.

Once, I was at my sister’s house, and my e-mail chimed alerting me of a new comment.  “Not again.” I groaned.  “What’s wrong?” my sister asked.  “I’ve got another comment to moderate.  I’m afraid to look at it.” I said.  “Here, let me read it first,” she suggested.  I handed her my phone.  Thankfully she smiled as she read it and said, “It’s a good one.”  I breathed a sigh of relief.  Fortunately, I have received a number of positive and encouraging comments too.  Why is it that the bad ones seem to overpower the good?  It’s no wonder Paul urges us to keep our focus on positive and good things.

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8 (NLT)

Focusing on negative comments will weigh us down

Focusing on the negative will only bring us down.  It will cause us anxiety and worry (Philippians 4:6), and it could even cause us to get so worked up that we might act out in our emotions and say or do things that we regret.  I think that’s probably what happens when people post nasty things or negative comments on my site.  They probably read something that they disagreed with or that potentially offended them, and then they acted out of their emotion.

Unfortunately, technology these days has cultivated an environment where it is easy for people to be passive-aggressive. People say things online or via technology that they would never say to someone face-to-face.

In light of that, I have a fairly strict comment policy on my site to protect my visitors from negative comments that could hurt or hinder them.  I had to lay out some simple ground rules in order to enable constructive conversation while discouraging rude, disrespectful, sarcastic, offensive, divisive, or off-topic negative comments.  I don’t even want to foster an atmosphere that’s conducive to arguments taking place on my site.  That’s not God’s purpose for my site.  I want my site to be a place of peace.

Scriptural communication guidelines

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Are You Salty? Do You Have the Qualities of Salt? Part 2

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Are you being salt and light? Do you possess these qualities of salt?

Are You Salty? Do You Have the Qualities of Salt? Part 2 of 2

Be Salt and Light

“You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless. “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” Matthew 5:13-16 (NLT)

“Salt is good for seasoning. But if it loses its flavor, how do you make it salty again? You must have the qualities of salt among yourselves and live in peace with each other.” Mark 9:50 (NLT)

In Part 1 of this post, we talked about being salt and light in our everyday surroundings.  We discussed a few of the qualities of salt and how we could display some of those same qualities in our lives.  I’d like to pick back up this week with some more qualities of salt that we should model.

In the previous post we discussed the first five qualities, this week we’ll discuss the last five and how they serve as an analogy for how we should act:

Salt…

      1. Makes you thirsty.
      2. Adds seasoning, gives things flavor, and makes things taste good.
      3. Preserves.
      4. Has the power to change the environment around it.
      5. Serves as an electrolyte in our bodies.
      6. Mixes in and interacts with its environment.
      7. Promotes healing.
      8. Is sloughing or exfoliating.
      9. Stings but also soothes.
      10. Acts as a fertilizer to make things grow.

Value of salt

I actually learned something new when studying salt.  I knew salt was an extremely valuable commodity in ancient times, but I guess I just didn’t realize how much.  In fact, I learned that Roman soldiers even used to be paid in salt at times.  Apparently, that’s where the term “worth his salt” came from.  The word “salary” is even rooted from salt.  In the Old Testament, the Mosaic Law required that all offerings presented by the Israelites should contain salt (Lev. 2:13).  Many theologians say this was to symbolize purification and an enduring covenant (salt purifies and makes things last).

Since salt holds such value in history, that same value should still hold true today—especially in relation to how we should be like salt.  Let’s take a look at some more qualities of salt…

Some More Qualities of Salt:

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Are You Salty? Do You Have the Qualities of Salt? Part 1

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Are You Salty? Do You Have the Qualities of Salt? Part 1: Learn some of the qualities of salt and how you can use these qualities to make a difference in the world around you & in your spheres of influence.

Are You Salty? Do You Have the Qualities of Salt? Part 1 of 2

Be Salt and Light 

“You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless. “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” Matthew 5:13-16 (NLT)

“Salt is good for seasoning. But if it loses its flavor, how do you make it salty again? You must have the qualities of salt among yourselves and live in peace with each other.” Mark 9:50 (NLT)

Each college term I pray to be the kind of person that my students will look at and see as something different, somebody that stands out from their normal college professors.  I want them to see Jesus in me, without even knowing that I am a Christian.  I want to be what the Bible calls “salt”.

When I originally wrote this post a few years ago, I was so excited because I had such a great group of young women and men in my college classes.  It was really an answered prayer of sorts.  I spent a lot of time in prayer that previous summer for the students that I would be teaching that upcoming fall semester.  As is my habit, I prayed for God to place the right students into my classes, the students that I could really help and with whom I could make a difference.  Sometimes as a teacher it’s hard to tell if I’m making a difference or getting through.  From the bottom of my heart, I want to speak into their lives and make a lasting impact.  I want to be that “salt” in their lives.

Opportunities to be salt

That following fall I had some pretty amazing, strong Christians, many of them already possessing some of the qualities of salt.  This is sometimes rare on a public college campus—to have strong Christian students that speak outright about their faith.  I could already tell that they are going to do something big someday!  They are going to be powerhouses for the kingdom of God and I feel so honored to play a small role in their lives.

My friend and fellow praying mom, Gwen, pointed out that it’s pretty cool that I would get an opportunity to speak into the lives of these students in a different way.  I got a chance to impact their walk with God and their influence on others.  I got to have conversations with them on a different level.  There were opportunities to teach them and show them how to be salt in action.  It was like on-the-job training!

Explaining how NOT to be salt

That semester I had a conversation after class with a few of my students. A couple of them mentioned that I was the only Christian professor that they had (which is not unusual for a public college).  We had some discussions about classmates, friends, and professors who are not Christians, and we spoke about opportunities to walk out our Christian faith in a potentially adversarial environment.

Some of them were struggling with people who disagreed with their beliefs and lifestyle. We talked about it being pointless and even counter-productive to argue with people who don’t have the same beliefs we do.  I told them we can sometimes do more harm than good if we try to coerce, force, or convince people of our beliefs (more about that here).  Actually, I encouraged them NOT to do this for that very reason, even though it’s in our nature to do so.  I told them that it was a hard lesson I had to learn, myself, as a student because I tend to be pretty vocal.  Those of you who know me well are probably snickering right now thinking that I just made a massive understatement. 🙂

I explained the importance of letting their life (what they do and how they act) speak louder than their words.

*Click here to read more about letting your life and actions speak louder than your words here.

“Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3:1-4 (NIV)

or said another way…

“…Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words…” 1 Peter 3:1 (NLT)

But first…relationship

I’ve learned from experience that it’s actually more effective to live a life of example, be a role model, and show love.  Pastor Whitney George said something once at church that has always stuck with me.  He said, “You have to win people to yourself before you can ever win them to the Lord.”  In essence, before you can truly speak into the life of another person you have to have some sort of relationship or rapport there.

You have to win people to yourself before you can ever win them to the Lord.

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Before you can truly speak into the life of another person there must first be relationship there.

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So then our first goal must be to win people to us….we must love them first.  Serving and loving on people is the best thing that we can ever do for the kingdom of God.

“Jesus replied, “‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” Matthew 22:37-39 (NLT)

Walk the walk, not just talk the talk

We discussed that it’s actually more effective to walk the walk, not just talk the talk.  We need to teach others about Jesus by our actions.  Let our lifestyle and deeds speak for us.  People should be able to tell we are Christians without us even saying a word.  There should be something different about us.  We should have Jesus’ face shining in ours.  People should see light in our faces.  People should like us and not even know why.  We need to follow the instructions of Jesus and be salt and light to the people we come across in our lives.

“You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless. “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” Matthew 5:13-16 (NLT) 

“Salt is good for seasoning. But if it loses its flavor, how do you make it salty again? You must have the qualities of salt among yourselves and live in peace with each other.” Mark 9:50 (NLT)

In order to be like salt, we need to learn some of the qualities of salt, how we can be like them, and start putting them to work.

Some Qualities of Salt:

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Scriptures for Empathy

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Scriptures for Empathy

We’ve recently been discussing empathy…the decline of empathy in the present culture, the importance of empathy and how it’s integral to our relationships, examples of how both God and Jesus have empathy, defining what empathy is, some of the reasons for using empathy, some examples in scripture of using empathy, and learning how to have and improve empathy. To further enhance those discussions, I’ve put together this resource page of scriptures for empathy.

This list of scriptures for empathy provides a compilation of verses about various facets or components of empathy.

Sharing others’ emotions

“If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.” 1 Corinthians 12:26 (NIV)

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15 (NIV)

“Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 (NLT)

“When I am with those who are weak, I share their weakness, for I want to bring the weak to Christ. Yes, I try to find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can to save some.” 1 Corinthians 9:22 (NLT)

“Even so, you have done well to share with me in my present difficulty.” Philippians 4:14 (NLT)

Showing compassion

“You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.” Luke 6:36 (NLT)

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Colossians 3:12 (NIV)

“Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.” Philippians 2:1-2 (NLT)

“Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.” 1 Peter 3:8 (NIV)

Comforting, encouraging, and building up others

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Using Empathy: The Practical and the Scriptural

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Using Empathy: The Practical and the Scriptural

Previously we talked about how there has been a decline in empathy and the importance of using an empathy filter and thinking before we speak so as not to hurt relationships. This week I’d like to take our discussion of empathy a step further to address both some of the practical and scriptural elements of using empathy. We’ll talk about what empathy is, some of the reasons for using empathy, see some examples in scripture of using empathy, and learn how to have and improve empathy.

The world needs more Christians who show genuine empathy. We all need people who will show true love, comfort, and compassion to people in pain. This is nothing new. Even in biblical times, David struggled to find comfort and empathy in those around him.

“Scorn has broken my heart and has left me helpless; I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found none.” Psalm 69:20 (NIV)

As Christians, we need to be the ones excelling in this area and setting the example. After all, we are called to follow Jesus, and he demonstrated empathy as did God, himself.

What exactly is empathy?

In short, empathy is the ability to:

  • Recognize emotions of others
  • Understand emotions of others
  • Participate in emotions of others

Empathy has a thought component (imagining or reflecting on the perspective of another) and a feelings component (an understanding of and participation in the emotions of another).

The following are some dictionary definitions of empathy:

  • Ability to understand and share the feelings of another
  • Action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner
  • Psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another

Empathy is also demonstrated by the ability to have understanding, compassion, sensitivity, and tact in addition to showing support for others both in word and action.

Here are some great, short video clips that explain empathy:

Empathy is a key component of emotional intelligence

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Empathy…The Filter We ALL Need

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Empathy…The Filter We ALL Need

Recently, we discussed the importance of showing intentional kindness due to the world becoming more rude, uncivil, divisive, and lacking compassion. As divisiveness grows, polarization prevails, and kindness dissipates, there has also been a decline and loss of empathy. We’re seeing an unfortunate culture shift. There has been recent scientific research supporting the idea that people are caring less and less for others and more for themselves. One study found that levels of empathy significantly declined among young people from 1979 to 2009.[1]

Although, we probably don’t need a scientific study to tell us this when we can just look around at interactions taking place in the world around us and see the cruelty and apathy firsthand. People are becoming more desensitized, and harshness, coldness, callousness, and a lack of compassion are becoming the standard.

As divisiveness grows, polarization prevails, and kindness dissipates, there has also been a decline and loss of empathy.

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The Bible warns us about a decrease in empathy

Multiple places in scripture say that in the last days people will be scoffing, selfish, narcissistic, cruel, hardhearted, uncaring, insensitive, and lacking self-control, compassion, and love for those around them.

“Sin will be rampant everywhere, and the love of many will grow cold.” Matthew 24:12 (NLT)

“You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!” 2 Timothy 3:1-5 (NLT)

“Most importantly, I want to remind you that in the last days scoffers will come, mocking the truth and following their own desires.” 2 Peter 3:3 (NLT)

“They told you that in the last times there would be scoffers whose purpose in life is to satisfy their ungodly desires. These people are the ones who are creating divisions among you. They follow their natural instincts because they do not have God’s Spirit in them.” Jude 1:18-19 (NLT)

Some recent personal experiences of an empathy deficit

Unfortunately, I’ve had some recent experiences of seeing an empathy deficit firsthand…by a doctor, a family member, and a student. Continue reading →