Tag Archives: Self-Worth

Feeling Rejected? Shake That Dirt Off Your Sandal

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Feeling Rejected? Shake That Dirt Off Your Sandal.

Feeling Rejected?  Shake That Dirt Off Your Sandal

We’ve been talking a lot lately about insecurities.  For most people it’s an ongoing struggle, myself included.  Even though I’ve grown tremendously in knowing my value and my worth and seeing myself the way God sees me, I still have feelings of insecurity from time to time.  I still have to use the same strategies and practical steps that I share with you in order to help myself.

Take this past week for example.  I had a reader unsubscribe from my blog which led to some feelings of rejection and being unwanted/unliked.  I actually had mixed feelings about it.  I was a little relieved because I don’t think this person really ever read my posts anyway, and it appeared to hurt my numbers or analytics on my subscriber list of “opened posts” (not that this is really that big of a deal, but these analytics could have bearing on my credibility with affiliates, etc.).  At the same time though, I felt a little hurt and offended.  I KNOW better than to feel this way, and I KNOW this person probably had perfectly good and acceptable reasons and never intentionally meant to hurt me.  It still just smarts a little.  It feels like somebody was saying to me, “I don’t like your stuff!”

I reached out to my sister, Shawna, to share my feelings and get some encouragement.  She replied with the perfect message that really helped me (my words in italics)… Continue reading →

Top 10 Posts of 2014

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Happy, Healthy & Prosperous: Top 10 Posts of 2014

The New Year is here!  We had a stellar year in 2014 (of course with ups and downs).  This time last year this blog was just a passing thought in my head.  OK…it was actually a suggestion command from God that I reluctantly accepted over several months (didn’t get my site up and running until July!).  Overall, though I’m so glad I obeyed God.  I feel honored to be used to speak into the lives of people and hopefully share a little bit of insight of practical ways to achieve Godly success in a variety of areas.  This past week I did a year-in-review and checked on my site’s progress.  This week, I thought I’d share the Top 10 Posts of 2014 with you in case you missed any or would like to revisit them.

TOP 10 POSTS OF 2014:

  1. What Does Your Price Tag Say? A Message on Self-Worth…

    What Does Your Price Tag Say? A Message on Self Worth...

    Top 10 Posts of 2014 #1

Our value is not determined by labels that others put on us or by even by labels we put on ourselves.  This post gives some resources and tips on overcoming the negative labels we wear and some tips for creating new ones.

  1. 9 Common Causes of Insecurity

    9 Common Causes of Insecurity

    Top 10 Posts of 2014 #2

Most people deal with insecurity in one form or another.  This post addresses 9 common causes of insecurity with examples of each in scripture.  I share some of my personal struggles with insecurity.

  1. How to Apologize Effectively

    How to Apologize Effectively

    Top 10 Posts of 2014 #3

Continue reading →

How to Overcome Feeling Unloved or Unwanted

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Learn How to Overcome Feeling Unloved or Unwanted

How to Overcome Feeling Unloved or Unwanted

**Please read the companion posts too: How to Recognize Love and Feel Loved by Others, and subsequent posts on What If God’s Love Isn’t Enough? and Recognizing God’s Love by Building Your Relationship with Him–Part 1 and Part 2. 

Feeling unloved or unwanted is one of the 9 Common Causes of Insecurity that we previously discussed.  When we feel loved, we tend to feel good about ourselves.  The opposite is true too, and that’s why we can become insecure (click here to read more posts on overcoming insecurity and poor self-esteem and how to realize your true value/worth).  There might be several reasons for someone feeling unloved.  Below are some examples of the types of people who might sometimes feel unloved or unwanted.

People who might feel unloved–You might see yourself in one or more of these examples.

  • Those from a family of divorce
  • Those who have gone through a divorce themselves
  • Those on the receiving end of infidelity
  • Those who have lost a job
  • Adopted children
  • Those on the receiving end of a breakup
  • Those living in a dysfunctional family
  • Those from a family of absentee parents
  • Those from an abusive home or situation
  • Victims of sexual abuse
  • Those who have made a lot of mistakes (or feel like they’ve messed up so bad they don’t deserve to be loved)
  • Those who have difficulty finding a significant other
  • Those who have experienced rejection in any form

An unloved girl in the bible

In the bible, Leah was married to Jacob, but she was not his first choice as a wife.  Her father actually deceived Jacob into thinking that he was marrying Leah’s sister, Rachel.  Jacob eventually did marry Rachel too, and he favored her above Leah.  Leah felt unloved by her husband (and rightly so) which made her insecure and believe that if she gave her husband children then he might finally love her.

“So Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “The lord has noticed my misery, and now my husband will love me.”” Genesis 29:32 (NLT)

You can’t earn love. It must be freely given. #feeling unloved

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Come to the understanding that you are loved and wanted by God

People often try to overcome feeling unloved the same way Leah did—by trying to earn it.  Continue reading →

How to Feel More Secure About Your Appearance

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Appearance photo

How to Feel More Secure About Your Appearance

One of the 9 common causes of insecurity that we previously discussed was feeling insecure due to appearances.  This is an issue for BOTH men and women alike.  It only takes a few commercials or print advertisements to figure this one out.  A majority of them are marketing our appearance—clothing, hair, accessories, makeup, fitness/body image.  I shared how this one was a major issue for me too after my Miss Oklahoma pageant experiences and dealing with some infidelity in many of my relationships growing up.  I always felt like I could never measure up to those “other girls” or to the “ideal body image”—like I would never be as pretty or as fit.

Most of us already know that our appearance is not something that should make us feel insecure, but the reality is that it does.  So how do we overcome this?  Below are some mentalities that will help…

Ways to feel more secure about your appearance:

Know that you’re not alone (the majority of people are conscious about their appearance—dating back thousands of years).  Apparently this is also an issue that crosses the ages.  Image and appearance were important to the “women of old” too.

“Bezalel made the bronze washbasin and its bronze stand from bronze mirrors donated by the women who served at the entrance of the Tabernacle.”  Exodus 38:8 (NLT)

I found this verse interesting because if there were mirrors, then obviously people cared about what they looked like.

“Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” 1 Peter 3:3-4 (NLT)

Clothe yourselves w/beauty that comes from w/in, the UNFADING beauty of a gentle & quiet spirit.

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If they had to be told NOT to be concerned about outward appearance, then evidently it was an issue.  In a weird way, this was somewhat comforting to me to know that it’s not just a modern problem.  It would seem the devil struck people of all times with issues of insecurity—especially in appearance. Continue reading →

3 Mindsets to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

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3 Mindsets You Need to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

3 Mindsets to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Previously we talked about the common causes of insecurity.  Today, I’d like to share 3 mindsets that I personally use to overcome comparisons (an ongoing problem I deal with).  Comparing yourself to others is probably one of the most common causes of insecurity.  Even Jesus’ disciples compared themselves to each other.

“Then his disciples began arguing about which of them was the greatest.” Luke 9:46 (NLT) 

There’s always an opportunity to compare ourselves to others.  There’s always somebody “better” in one way or another.  I have caught myself comparing my house to a friend’s when I’ve attended a Bunco night or a bible study or envying a friend’s job because she was able to travel whereas I wasn’t able to.  I’ve even compared my gifts and talents to someone else’s because I didn’t think I was as talented as they were.  The truth behind it though was that I was using poor standards of measurement.  I measured myself against other people.  It’s an easy trap to fall into.

I have found that if I adjusted my thinking in three different areas, it was much easier to stop comparing myself to others.  The areas where I had to adjust my thinking were:

  • Using other people as my standard of measurement
  • Comparing unequally and taking the “unseen” into account
  • Realizing uniqueness in each individual and that each person plays different roles

Mindset #1 to stop comparing yourself to others: Don’t use other people as your standard of measurement.

Continue reading →

9 Common Causes of Insecurity

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Most people deal with insecurity in one form or another. Read about the 9 common causes of insecurity and see examples of each in scripture.

9 Common Causes of Insecurity

The last couple of weeks we’ve been talking some about self-worth and self-image (see the posts here and here).  Those of us who have negative pictures of ourselves deal with INSECURITY.  Actually, I would venture to say that most people deal with insecurity in one form or another.  This is also not just an issue that women deal with (notice most of the examples in the scriptures below are from insecure men). 

Insecurity is not a gender-specific issue. #insecurity

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Insecurity is not a gender-specific issue.  I’ve learned that even though men and women may be insecure for different reasons, the root causes and overcoming them are the same.  I’ve also discovered that there are 9 common causes of insecurity (there are definitely more, but these are the most common).

9 Common Causes of Insecurity:

  1. Comparing yourself to others 
  2. Appearances and imperfections (external or internal)
  3. Acceptance by others (i.e. fitting in, other’s opinions, etc.)
  4. Feeling unloved or unwanted
  5. Not measuring up to the standards of others (culture/society, media, etc.)
  6. Fear
  7. Failure (fear of OR previous failures, bad decisions, wrong living, etc.)
  8. Tragic incident or circumstances (death, abuse, infidelity, etc.)
  9. Getting significance in wrong things (job, gifts/talents, spouse, children, appearance, material possessions) 

Examples in scripture: Continue reading →

You Are a Masterpiece

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You Are a Masterpiece! Are you insulting your creator?

You Are a Masterpiece!  Are you insulting your creator?

When we think of some of the most valuable items in the world today, priceless art often comes to mind.  I’m always amazed at what people are willing to pay for masterpieces sold via Christie’s, Sotheby’s, and private sales.  I was reading an article that the Huffington Post did in December of this past year about the most expensive art of 2013 (“18 Unbelievably Expensive Artworks That Sold For Millions This Year”), and I learned that over $1 BILLION was dropped on just 18 works of art!  It’s unsettling what some are willing to fork out for what they deem a “masterpiece”.

Well, you already know you are valuable because last week we talked about realizing your value and your worth, but did you know YOU are a masterpiece?  You are the handiwork of God. 

Did you know YOU are a masterpiece? You are the handiwork of God, the artist of all artists.

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You are His masterpiece.  I think of God as the artist of all artists. 🙂 I mean really, any other artist is just creating art of God’s art.  Continue reading →

What Does Your Price Tag Say? A Message on Self Worth...

What Does Your Price Tag Say?

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What Does Your Price Tag Say?  A message on Self Worth…

The value of something is based on what someone is willing to pay for it or exchange for it.  Eric and I occasionally like to watch Pawn Stars and Storage Wars.  We also love to go to auctions together to find “treasures”.  We’ve learned a lot about valuation processes.  We often find it amusing on Storage Wars when the cast are making their appraisals of the contents of their storage lockers that they just purchased.

Every so often someone (usually Darrell) will inflate the worth of an item or two, and we say, “It’s not worth that!  There’s NO WAY anyone is going to pay that price for that!”  We also find it entertaining when someone walks into the pawn shop on Pawn Stars asking for some super crazy amount for something that they are trying to sell.  Their asking price is obviously declined.  Then they’ll often say, “Well, online this is selling for x-amount”, and Rick usually replies, “That’s what people are paying or that’s the price they are asking for it?  There’s a difference.”

The point he’s trying to make is that it doesn’t really matter what the list price is or what the label says.  If people aren’t willing to pay the price stated on the label, then it is probably not a correct valuation.

The same is true for us.

Our value or worth is Continue reading →