Using Empathy: The Practical and the Scriptural

Previously we talked about how there has been a decline in empathy and the importance of using an empathy filter and thinking before we speak so as not to hurt relationships. This week I’d like to take our discussion of empathy a step further to address both some of the practical and scriptural elements of using empathy. We’ll talk about what empathy is, some of the reasons for using empathy, see some examples in scripture of using empathy, and learn how to have and improve empathy.

The world needs more Christians who show genuine empathy. We all need people who will show true love, comfort, and compassion to people in pain. This is nothing new. Even in biblical times, David struggled to find comfort and empathy in those around him.

“Scorn has broken my heart and has left me helpless; I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found none.” Psalm 69:20 (NIV)

As Christians, we need to be the ones excelling in this area and setting the example. After all, we are called to follow Jesus, and he demonstrated empathy as did God, himself.

What exactly is empathy?

In short, empathy is the ability to:

• Recognize emotions of others
• Understand emotions of others
• Participate in emotions of others

Empathy has a thought component (imagining or reflecting on the perspective of another) and a feelings component (an understanding of and participation in the emotions of another).

The following are some dictionary definitions of empathy:

• Ability to understand and share the feelings of another
• Action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner
• Psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another

Empathy is also demonstrated by the ability to have understanding, compassion, sensitivity, and tact in addition to showing support for others both in word and action.

Here are some great, short video clips that explain empathy:

Empathy is a key component of emotional intelligence

We know that using empathy is a key component of emotional intelligence. In other words, it’s an integral part of having strong people skills and the ability to be successful in a variety of relationships (family, romantic/spousal, friendships, work, school, etc.).

Below are some excerpts from an article by MindTools about the importance of empathy as a key component of emotional intelligence (i.e. having strong people skills).

“We probably all know people, either at work or in our personal lives, who are really good listeners. No matter what kind of situation we’re in, they always seem to know just what to say – and how to say it – so that we’re not offended or upset. They’re caring and considerate, and even if we don’t find a solution to our problem, we usually leave feeling more hopeful and optimistic.”^[1]

“We all have different personalities, different wants and needs, and different ways of showing our emotions. Navigating through this all takes tact and cleverness – especially if we hope to succeed in life. This is where emotional intelligence becomes important. Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize your emotions, understand what they’re telling you, and realize how your emotions affect people around you. Emotional intelligence also involves your perception of others: when you understand how they feel, this allows you to manage relationships more effectively.”^[2]

“Empathy…is perhaps the second-most important element of emotional intelligence. Empathy is the ability to identify with and understand the wants, needs, and viewpoints of those around you. People with empathy are good at recognizing the feelings of others, even when those feelings may not be obvious. As a result, empathic people are usually excellent at managing relationships, listening, and relating to others. They avoid stereotyping and judging too quickly, and they live their lives in a very open, honest way.”^[3]

Empathy is needed for effective communication

Stephen Covey discusses empathy in his book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People in Habit #5: “Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood”. He expresses that using empathy is a key to effective interpersonal communication and that in order to interact effectively with others, people need to feel understood. Covey says of using empathy:

“[It] involves a very deep shift in paradigm. We typically seek first to be understood. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They’re either speaking or preparing to speak. They’re filtering everything through their own paradigms, reading their autobiography into other people’s lives.”^[4]

What Covey is trying to say is that in order to be empathic we must attempt to understand from the other person’s frame of reference. This will require that we temporarily set aside our own perspective, feelings, thoughts/assumptions, interpretations, motives, and well-intentioned advice (as we discussed last week). Covey also mentions that when using empathy we don’t just listen with our ears but also with our eyes (i.e. paying attention to body language) and with our heart (i.e. paying attention to and understanding feelings and emotions).^[5]

Empathy is an instruction in scripture

As Christians, we are called to share and take part in each other’s feelings, both good and bad.

“If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.” 1 Corinthians 12:26 (NIV)

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15 (NIV)

“Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 (NLT)

“You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.” Luke 6:36 (NLT)

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Colossians 3:12 (NIV)

“Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.” Philippians 2:1-2 (NLT)

“Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.” 1 Peter 3:8 (NIV)

“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” John 13:34-35 (NLT)

“Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Ephesians 5:1-2 (NLT)

Examples of using empathy in scripture

Below are only a few examples of empathy in action in the Bible…

Pharaoh’s daughter rescued Moses

“When she opened it, she saw the child, and behold, the little boy was crying. So she had compassion on him and said, “This is one of the Hebrew children.”” Exodus 2:6 (BSB)

Suffering along with those in prison

“You suffered along with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions.” Hebrews 10:34 (NIV) 

Good Samaritan parable

““Then a despised Samaritan came along, and when he saw the man, he felt compassion for him. Going over to him, the Samaritan soothed his wounds with olive oil and wine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him.” Luke 10:33-34 (NLT)

Prodigal son parable

“So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.” Luke 15:20 (NIV)

Believers helped others in need

“All the believers were united in heart and mind. And they felt that what they owned was not their own, so they shared everything they had. The apostles testified powerfully to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and God’s great blessing was upon them all. There were no needy people among them, because those who owned land or houses would sell them and bring the money to the apostles to give to those in need.” Acts 4:32-35 (NLT)

Jesus demonstrated empathy

When he saw that people were confused, helpless, sick, hurting, hungry, blind, grieving, or weak he had compassion for them. Jesus was saddened and grieved when people didn’t understand the way to peace and how that would in turn cause them destruction and pain. He even grieved alongside others who grieved and was deeply moved and troubled in his own spirit.

“When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them because they were confused and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” Matthew 9:36 (NLT)

“Jesus saw the huge crowd as he stepped from the boat, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick.” Matthew 14:14 (NLT)

“Jesus called his disciples to him and said, “I have compassion for these people; they have already been with me three days and have nothing to eat. I do not want to send them away hungry, or they may collapse on the way.”” Matthew 15:32 (NIV) *See also Mark 8:2-3

“Jesus had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately they received their sight and followed him.” Matthew 20:34 (NIV)

“When the Lord saw her, his heart overflowed with compassion. “Don’t cry!” he said.” Luke 7:13 (NLT)

“But as he came closer to Jerusalem and saw the city ahead, he began to weep.” Luke 19:41 (NLT)

“When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept.” John 11:33-35 (NLT)

Furthermore, Jesus empathizes with all of us because he experienced life as a human and knows what it’s like to face the things that we face.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.” Hebrews 4:15 (NIV)

“Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us when we are being tested.” Hebrews 2:18 (NLT)

“He is able to deal gently with the spiritually ignorant and misguided, since he is also subject to human weakness.” Hebrews 5:2 (AMP)

God has empathy

I once read that God is the best at empathy. God IS love and is best at showing that love. He demonstrated empathy when out of compassion and love he sent his son to a world in need. God wants us to share our cares with him because he cares for us. He also recognizes, understands, and shares our feelings. The Bible even says that he keeps track of our tears. Did you know that God gets sad too? (Read more about that in this post.)

“But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” 1 John 4:8 (NLT)

“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.” 1 John 4:16 (NIV)

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16 (NIV)

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV) 

“Casting all your care on Him, because He cares about you.” 1 Peter 5:7 (HCSB)

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalm 34:18 (NLT)

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 56:8 (NLT)

We have the capacity for empathy because we are made in God’s image

If we as followers of Jesus are made in the image of God, and HE is empathic, then we can be too. If we are made to be like God, we have the capacity to develop and exercise empathy because he has empathy.

“So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27 (NLT)

“This is the written account of the descendants of Adam. When God created human beings, he made them to be like himself.” Genesis 5:1 (NLT)

“For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.” Romans 8:29 (NIV)

“Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.” Ephesians 4:24 (NLT)

“and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.” Colossians 3:10 (ESV)

If we are made to be like God, we have the capacity to have empathy because he has empathy.

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Turn empathy into action

We need to remember that empathy alone isn’t enough. Real love translates empathy into action. Compassion stirs us to act, to serve, and to help. It’s not enough to feel bad for or with someone. We need to ask God for an action step that we can take to help. It may be a kind or encouraging word, a card, fulfilling a need of some kind or serving them in some way. It may just be our presence in a moment of need. If we have God’s love in us, we will have compassion and help in some way.

Rick Warren once said,

“Your response to the pain people in your community are experiencing will show the world what you believe…Genuine faith produces compassion. It says, “I will help you with your burden and show you the love of Christ.” Our faith is seen by what we do.”^[6]

“Carry one another’s burdens and in this way you will fulfill the requirements of the law of Christ [that is, the law of Christian love].” Galatians 6:2 (AMP)

“But whoever has the world’s goods (adequate resources), and sees his brother in need, but has no compassion for him, how does the love of God live in him?” 1 John 3:17 (AMP)

“Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.” 1 John 3:18 (NLT)

“What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, and you say, “Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well”—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do? So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless.” James 2:14-17 (NLT)

“But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” 1 John 4:8 (NLT)

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV) 

Take Some Practical Steps When Using Empathy:

• First, realize that God created you in his image and that you CAN and SHOULD be using empathy. Scripture even instructs us to do so.

• Secondly, understand the importance of empathy and how it will help your relationships, your own emotional intelligence, and your own communication.

• Then, when using empathy, genuinely try to see the other person’s perspective.

Remember, seek first to understand and then to be understood. This is the time to show respect, be compassionate, listen, and validate them. This is where the phrase “put yourself in their shoes” comes into play. This does NOT mean trying to understand how YOU would feel if you were in their situation, because that would imply that you are still wearing your own shoes.

To truly be empathic, you must attempt to understand how THEY would feel in that situation. Use their frame of reference, not your own. How they respond might be very different in how you respond due to a variety of factors like personality, personal experience, background, beliefs, values, etc. Things that might not bother you might really bother someone else. Try to make an effort to genuinely understand their perspective. For example, knowing their personality (and other factors that might specifically relate to them) can you see how and why they might feel the way they do?

“Do to others as you would like them to do to you.” Luke 6:31 (NLT) *See also Matthew 7:12

“Try to do what is good for others, not just what is good for yourselves.” 1 Corinthians 10:24 (ERV)

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty pride, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:3-4 (BSB)

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” Romans 12:10 (NIV)

“Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions.” Proverbs 18:2 (NLT)

Practical Examples:

I’m not a very sensitive person, but Jane is. So, knowing that Jane is sensitive, I can see and understand why a flippant comment that someone made might not bother me but would definitely hurt her feelings. Jane might need some validation of her feelings right now. She might need some extra encouragement due to the recent discouragement that she’s experienced with that comment.

OR

That racially charged comment or microaggression might not personally affect me because it wasn’t a direct attack on my race. However, if I were a member of the race at which that comment was directed, I would probably be offended and hurt. I need to validate that the comment was inappropriate and speak up, in a biblically-guided way, to point out the inappropriateness and harmful nature of that comment.

• Next, practice validating the other person.

Read this post here on how to validate others.

• Offer compassion, and turn empathy into action.

We saw through earlier scriptures that compassion was one of Jesus’ defining qualities, and so should it be one of ours as his followers. Open your eyes to those around you. Try to watch and listen with your eyes, ears, AND heart. Do you see people in pain? Is there something you could do to ease the pain or help in any way? Pray and ask God for an action step. Show that you care both in what you say and by what you do.

• Cultivate and improve empathy through diversity.

Get out of your comfort zone. Spending time with people who are different than you can help you to develop a more empathic outlook toward other people. It forces you to see other people’s experiences and perspectives that might be different from your own.

• Finally, keep practicing empathy.

Empathy is like a muscle that will grow stronger and larger the more you use it. You’ll get better at empathy as you exercise it.

In a future post, I’ll put together a resource page listing some scriptures for empathy.

What are some ways that you can start using empathy? Share them with us by leaving a comment below!

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If you know anyone that could benefit from this, please pay it forward!  Share this post via the sharing links below.  “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV)

1. Mind Tools Content Team. “Emotional Intelligence: Developing Strong ‘People Skills.’” Emotional Intelligence: Developing Strong “People Skills”, Mind Tools, www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newCDV_59.htm. ↑
2. Mind Tools Content Team. “Emotional Intelligence: Developing Strong ‘People Skills.’” Emotional Intelligence: Developing Strong “People Skills”, Mind Tools, www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newCDV_59.htm. ↑
3. Mind Tools Content Team. “Emotional Intelligence: Developing Strong ‘People Skills.’” Emotional Intelligence: Developing Strong “People Skills”, Mind Tools, www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newCDV_59.htm. ↑
4. “Habit 5 Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood: Principles of Empathic Communication.” The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change, by Stephen R. Covey, Fireside Press, 1989, pp. 239. ↑
5. “Habit 5 Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood: Principles of Empathic Communication.” The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change, by Stephen R. Covey, Fireside Press, 1989, pp. 241. ↑
6. Warren, Rick. “A Faith That Works When Life Doesn’t: Part 1–Day 3.” Bible.com, my.bible.com/reading-plans/24508-a-faith-that-works-when-life-doesnt-part-1/day/3. ↑