Ways to Fight Discontentment
Have you ever struggled with discontentment in something? You know…a situation where you just feel unhappy, frustrated, annoyed, irritated, displeased, dissatisfied, or just flat out angry. It might be in your job, in your marriage, at your current church, in a relationship or friendship, in a class, on a team, or even with material things like your home or your car. I think we all at some point or another in our lives experience some discontentment with various things, myself included.
I have been struggling with a couple of these things myself over the past couple of years. Recently God convicted me about how I was handling some of my frustrations and dissatisfactions. Unfortunately I was letting my discontentment steer some of my attitudes and behaviors, and it wasn’t in a good way. God dealt with me on some practical ways that I can fight discontentment, so that I don’t become bitter or give a foothold to the devil (Ephesians 4:27). This week I thought I’d share some of those strategies with you in hopes that they might help you too if and when you ever struggle with discontentment.
Take Some Practical Steps to Fight Discontentment:
Pray for a right heart and spirit
One of the things that has helped me the most over the past year has been to pray Psalm 51:10 as a heartfelt prayer over myself. By doing this, I’m asking God to change my heart and clean it up and to help me have a right spirit in areas where my heart and spirit may not line up with God and his heart. I’ve seen a tremendous difference in my attitude (and my irritation levels) since doing this. Whenever, I start to feel discontentment and frustration coming on, I will say this verse out loud, sometimes two or three times (or more!).
Another verse that I pray over myself is Ezekiel 36:26 asking God to take away any hard-heartedness or stubbornness that I might have and to help me be more tender and responsive.
“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10 (ESV)
“And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” Ezekiel 36:26 (NLT)
Pray for grace
I’ve also found it extremely helpful to pray for grace. This is the kind of grace to be able to handle things that I normally can’t handle on my own. This definition of grace is God’s ability and enabling power. With God’s ability and power helping us, it makes managing difficult situations much easier and more bearable.
“Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NLT)
“So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” Hebrews 4:16 (NLT)
Pray for those things that frustrate you
Consider this–maybe God is allowing you to be discontent in certain areas in order to talk to you or trigger you to pray for those areas. Instead of just feeling discontentment in expressing your frustrations and complaining, start praying about those issues or things that you see wrong. Pray about things that need to be changed. Find some scriptures to stand on and believe for that will help with that specific need or problem.
Strive to give, not to get, when you are feeling discontentment
Another strategy God gave me was to strive to give, not to get. In fact, one day I heard in my spirit, “Go to give, not get. Love and serve. Love and serve. Go to love.” One of my favorite sayings has always been, “You only get out of something what you put into it.” Therefore, if I’m feeling some discontentment, maybe I can gain some more contentment and fulfillment by putting in a little more on my end. God is calling us to be servants, not merely consumers. This is NOT an easy or fun strategy…and believe me, I know it’s not easy to hear. This will require sacrifice.
Let’s take a look at what that might look like in some different areas…
Marriage
Have you felt some discontentment in marriage? Then find a way to serve your spouse. Look for ways to intentionally bless them, honor them, and love them. Sow seeds of whatever you would like to reap in return.
Church
Have you been unhappy with or in your church? Go to give instead of get. Get rid of the consumer mentality. Stop seeing church as only something where you get something out of it. Change your mindset to see what you can give and not just what you can get. Certainly church is a place where we should be fed and learn about God and spiritual living in discipleship. However, unfortunately there are seasons where we may not feel this or get this. In those seasons go to give instead of being frustrated.
Serve somewhere or somehow. Find a need and fill it. Think about those things that are upsetting, frustrating, or annoying you. If you could change those things, how would you do it? How would you find a way to solve it? Take a step towards that. Fill the need.
Job/Work
Are you frustrated or unhappy with your job? Again, find a need and fill it. What are those things that are causing you frustrations? What are some ways to solve that if it were up to you? Take a step towards that. Find a way to be a light to someone. How can you serve at your work?
School/Classes
Are you displeased with your classes? What ways can you give to others, to your teachers, or to your classmates? Go to give. Look for ways to love and serve.
Team
Are you experiencing discontentment on a team (volunteer team, sports team, etc.)? Find a way to serve or to do something to benefit someone else. Be a helper. Stand out as the ultimate team player, encourager, and supporter.
Friendships or Family
Have you dealt with some frustration in your family, friendships (immediate or extended), or with a certain friend? Look for a way to bless them or serve them. How can you love on them unconditionally (even if they don’t deserve it or if they seem a little bit unlovable at the time)?
Material things/possessions
Are you dissatisfied with your house or car, for example? Try to be a good steward and treat those things as if you already have your dream house or dream car. Treat them as if they are the best possessions that you’ve ever had. Give to (take care of, insert energy or effort into) those things instead of looking only at what you’re not getting from them or comparing them to something better. What are some ways you can make those things you currently own even better or nicer? How can you invest in what you already have (not necessarily monetarily)?
Jesus gave and served—we should give and serve to fight discontentment
Staying on the same topic of giving, let’s take a look at Jesus’ example. Jesus said follow my example (John 13:15). His example was to love others and to serve them. When experiencing discontentment, especially at the hand of another, instead of giving them what you think they deserve (or responding in your own emotions), do good to them. Ask yourself the question, “How can I serve _____ ?” Fill in the blank with the area where you’re feeling discontentment. Serving, giving, and loving will fight discontentment.
“For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:28 (NLT)
“For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:45 (NLT)
“But among you it will be different. Those who are the greatest among you should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant. Who is more important, the one who sits at the table or the one who serves? The one who sits at the table, of course. But not here! For I am among you as one who serves.” Luke 22:26-27 (NLT)
“God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.” 1 Peter 4:10 (NLT)
“For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.” Galatians 5:13 (NLT)
“And I have been a constant example of how you can help those in need by working hard. You should remember the words of the Lord Jesus: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ” Acts 20:35 (NLT)
“Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Luke 6:38 (NLT)
“Everyone should look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4 (HCSB)
“People should be concerned about others and not just about themselves.” 1 Corinthians 10:24 (GWT)
“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” Romans 12:10 (ESV)
“Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it.” Proverbs 3:27 (GNT)
“But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you.” Luke 6:27 (NLT)
Ask for help when seeking to give
Solicit the Holy Spirit to help. When you’re feeling discontentment ask, “What’s one way I can give today?” Ask the Holy Spirit for an idea or a strategy. Then stop, listen quietly, and see what comes to mind. Additionally, you can ask a trusted friend for some ideas of ways that you can give or serve when you’re in a situation where you are frustrated or dissatisfied.
Stop complaining
Be a promoter of peace and unity instead of a complainer or causing division. Complaining and constantly expressing your frustrations, annoyances, discontentment will only open the door to the devil and feed the fires of discontentment in your life. Complaining is to discontentment what oxygen is to a fire. It feeds it and makes it grow hotter and stronger.
“Do everything without complaining and arguing” Philippians 2:14 (NLT)
“Show hospitality to one another without complaining.” 1 Peter 4:9 (BSB)
“Nor should we complain as some of them did, and were killed by the destroyer.” 1 Corinthians 10:10 (HCSB)
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:31-32 (NLT)
“Cease from anger and forsake wrath; Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing.” Psalm 37:8 (NASB)
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18 (NIV)
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” Matthew 5:9 (NIV)
“And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.” Colossians 3:15 (NLT)
“I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought.” 1 Corinthians 1:10 (NIV)
Express gratitude
Gratitude and thankfulness will starve discontentment. Start looking for the good. Find something, even if it’s just one small thing, to be thankful about or to rejoice about. Express gratitude even if it’s just being thankful for how it could be worse but isn’t. For example, “At least it’s not as bad as _____ (fill in the blank).” I’ve discovered that when I’m thankful, things around me seem brighter, and I focus less on what’s wrong and more on what’s good and right. Thankful people are happier people.
“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NLT)
“I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.” Psalm 9:1 (ESV)
“Enter his gates with thanksgiving; go into his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and praise his name.” Psalm 100:4 (NLT)
“Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” Ephesians 5:20 (ESV)
“A happy heart is good medicine and a cheerful mind works healing, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22 (AMPC)
“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8 (NLT)
Consider the possibility that some healthy discontentment makes transition easier
Lastly, realize that sometimes God may be allowing some healthy discontentment in your life to make an upcoming transition a little easier. I have had this happen before with a job and even with a couple of friendships. Some of the unhappiness I was experiencing made losing or leaving those relationships a little easier to bear when God was calling or moving me elsewhere. It’s a lot easier to part with something that you’re not completely thrilled with! 🙂
I say “healthy” discontentment because there are always going to be some things that we wish we could change. Our feelings about those things should NOT continue to fester and become toxic though affecting our attitudes and behaviors (*Read this post: Is it Time to do Some Spiritual Plumbing?). Healthy does NOT include bitterness, complaining, resentment, etc. (Ephesians 4:31). This is when it becomes unhealthy.
NOTE: This is not an open license to say, “Hey, I’m not happy, so therefore God must want me to get out of or leave this _____. This discontentment must be preparing me for the next best thing.” This is definitely not always the case, and by no means is discontentment a reason to up and quit without direction from God to do so.
I’ve been taught that ‘how you leave is how you will start’. So if you must leave, do so with a right heart and spirit. Otherwise the negative will follow you wherever you go.
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28 (NLT)
How do you need to fight discontentment right now? Which of these strategies do you plan to try? Tell us about it by leaving a comment below!
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