What If God’s Love Isn’t Enough?

This week’s post is in response to a comment I received on a former post, “How to Overcome Feeling Unloved or Unwanted”.  I felt that a reply at the bottom of the post wouldn’t do him justice.  In that post I shared that the best way I know to overcome feeling unloved and unwanted is to come to the understanding and realization that we are loved and wanted by God.  A gentleman left me a comment, and he made a very good point.  His comment:

“Ms. Robbins, with all due respect, what you say sounds excellent on paper. Unfortunately, here in the real world, no matter how much love God may have for me, it’s not keeping me warm at night. It’s not filling this empty spot in my bed. In other words, God’s love is no substitute for a warm body nor the touch of a woman who wants and desires me.”

I get what he’s saying.  It’s almost as if he’s asking, “What if God’s love isn’t enough?”  He’s not alone in feeling that way.  I have also asked that question.  In that post, I also discussed how Leah felt this way too.  It’s not uncommon.  It’s not absurd for him to ask this.  It’s very normal.  I am happy to say now that in my own searching, I have found the answer to that question.

First, I’d like to address his first statement.  What I write here at this site is never meant it to just sound good on paper.  My intent is to always give practical steps and applications to walk out in everyday life. This is because I do live in the real world, and I know there is a real world (full of a lot of hurt and a lot of crap).  I’ve been through a lot of it myself.  Most of what I share and teach isn’t just from a “teacher/professor of life” point of view.  It’s from the perspective of a student who has been through a lot of these things myself and about how God has navigated me through them.  Sometimes I’ve navigated through them successfully…sometimes not so much, and that’s where I get to share from my failures.  What I write is from MY real world and what I’ve learned, and God has called me to share it with others to hopefully help them too.

Now onto the part about “God’s love is no substitute”.  He makes a very good point.  I truly get it.  I know that pain.  I know what that longing and emptiness feel like.  I know that feeling that something’s missing.  I remember when all of my friends were getting married, and I was single.  Everyone else seemed so happy.  They seemed to have something I was missing.  It made me so sad to see couples.  And weddings…they would set me into a major funk and depression.  For a while, I even refused to go to weddings because they were so depressing for me.  Isn’t that awful?  I now feel horrible about that because I see in hindsight how extremely selfish that was of me.  I should have celebrated in others’ happiness instead wallowing in my own sorrow and self-pity.

Now, I’m happily married (for nearly 16 years now—wahoo!!).  However, I CAN’T tell you that it’s always been happy, happy, joy, joy or that I’ve never experienced loneliness.  Marriage or relationships don’t exempt you from feelings of emptiness or loneliness—even with having that person to share life with and that person who wants and desires you.  I heard somebody say once, “There’s only one thing worse than being single and lonely.  It’s being married and lonely.”  Even in my marriage I have experienced some of the deepest pits of feeling unloved and unwanted.  Some of it stemmed from marriage troubles, but quite honestly a lot of it was due to my own insecurities and in trying to make my husband fill a void in me that only God’s love can fill.  Although, I experienced these immense feelings of being unloved and unwanted, I was also able to overcome them.

Oswald Chambers

God showed me that it was through Him that I could overcome feeling unloved and unwanted.  God showed me that if I will always fill myself up with His love first, then everything else I get from others is just an overflow on top of an already full cup (an analogy I learned from Beth Moore).  And when I’m already full and overflowing, THEN I can be better at overflowing that love onto others.  We have to be filled with God first.

So is it wrong to question whether God’s love is enough?  No.  The man who wrote the comment is not wrong for feeling that way either.  God, himself, designed us with a need for love and companionship.  After all, that’s HIS greatest desire and we are made in his image.  God did not design us to be alone.

“Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” Genesis 2:18 (NLT)

He DID however design us with a hole within us that only He can fill.  It’s a hole that no human being could ever fill.  He designed us to long for unfailing love.

“What a person desires is unfailing love…” Proverbs 19:22 (NIV)

God’s love is the only love that can fit that description.  A spouse can never meet every single one of your emotional needs.  It’s an impossible and unrealistic expectation to put on another human being—to expect them to carry you emotionally and/or to make you happy.  Only Jesus can truly carry us and any of our burdens.  Human love will always fail us because it’s imperfect.  Only God has perfect love.  God IS love–see 1 John 4:8 and 1 John 4:16.

And because God’s love is perfect, it can drive away our fears and our insecurities.  Perfect love (God’s love) casts out all fear and therefore all insecurity (1 John 4:18).  My guess is fear is the root that lands readers/searchers on my post “How to Overcome Feeling Unloved and Unwanted”.  They fear that they will never experience love.  They fear they won’t heal from the pain of being unloved or unwanted.  In a “Power Thoughts” devotion that I’ve been reading on my bible app (via YouVersion/Bible.com), Joyce Meyer said, “Learning about and receiving the unconditional love of God is what sets us free from fear. Nothing else will! ‘Perfect love casts out fear.’ Only God has perfect love, and it can be yours by faith.”

The only love that won’t fail you is God’s love.  That’s why it’s so important that we seek God’s love first.  In her book “Praying God’s Word: Breaking Free from Spiritual Strongholds”, Beth Moore states, “Interestingly, the Word of God uses the phrase ‘unfailing love’ thirty-two other times, and not one of them refers to any source other than God, Himself.” God’s love is what sustains us, and it never fails.

Dinner vs. Dessert

I actually thought of an analogy to demonstrate this.  It’s eating dinner and dessert.  Everyone loves dessert.  If we’re being honest, we probably would prefer dessert first…or maybe even dessert only!  But can we survive on dessert alone?  No.  At least not for long. 🙂  If we fill up on dessert first, we won’t have any room for the dinner.  Dessert will eventually fail us.  A diet consisting of mostly dessert is not healthy.  We need sustenance.  We need the dinner first.  The dinner sustains us.  The dessert is an added bonus.  I think of God’s love as our dinner, and human love is the dessert.  We need God’s love first to sustain us, to keep us healthy.  After we partake of God’s love, then we can enjoy human love as God intended.

Take Some Practical Steps When It Seems Like God’s Love Isn’t Enough:

• Seek God and His love first…THEN your other wants and desires can truly be fulfilled. Remember—Dinner first, then dessert!  You have to prioritize God before any human love will ever truly satisfy you.  God won’t take second place.  You will never truly be fulfilled until you put God first.  You will always feel like something is missing, even if it’s just some nagging deep inside of you.  Even in the midst of human love, there will still be something missing.  Sure you may have temporary satisfaction and happiness, but after some time that too won’t be enough and won’t sustain you.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33 (NIV)

“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4 (NIV)

• • Start working on yourself instead of focusing on the other person–Become the kind of person that the kind of person you want to be with would want to be with. This should be the first practical step to finding lasting love with a real human being.  Start by describing that “ideal spouse” that you would want or wish you had.  Now ask yourself, “What kind of person would that ideal spouse choose to be with?  What would THEIR ideal spouse look like?”  Then work toward becoming that person.  If your ideal spouse would want a person that is strong spiritually, then work on your own spiritual growth.  If your ideal spouse would want somebody that is unselfish and puts others first, then start serving somewhere and work on your selfish tendencies.  If your ideal spouse would want someone that’s healthy and physically fit, then start working on creating a healthier lifestyle.  If your ideal spouse wouldn’t want to marry a potty-mouth, then clean up your speech.  You get the point.
    Become the kind of person that the kind of person you want to be with would want to be with.

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  • Be patient. I KNOW this is easier said than done.  Believe me, I’ve been there (both single and married)!  Don’t sit back and wait idly.  Keep doing the first two steps—working on your relationship with God and working on yourself.  Keep working while you’re waiting.  Turn your waiting room into a work room!
    Turn your waiting room into a work room!

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  • Pray about it. I know some of these things in theory sound simple, but taking action in the “real world” 🙂 can be a little more difficult.  Prayer can help with that. (See more posts on Prayer here or by clicking on the Prayer category at the top of the website.)  Ask God to help you.  I would highly recommend the book I mentioned earlier “Praying God’s Word: Breaking Free from Spiritual Strongholds, by Beth Moore”.  Chapter 5 “Overcoming the Insecurity of Feeling Unloved” helped me tremendously.  I actually have the book as an app on my iPhone, but you can also purchase the hard copy from Amazon or from your local bookstore.  The entire book has been helpful for me at various points and struggles in my life.

God’s love IS enough.  When you finally, truly realize and experience this, everything else is just a bonus.  And the funny thing is…when you do put God’s love first in your life, the human love and companionship just seem to kind of fall into place.  You will be full and overflowing. 🙂

Do you have a story about God’s love being enough?  Leave a comment below (click on the post link to join the conversation if you’re viewing through e-mail) or take the conversation to your favorite social media channel (sharing links below). 

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