Why Losing Doesn’t Make You a Loser—Part 1
This past weekend my son’s baseball team played in the end-of-season championship tournament. They made it to the final championship game. Those little guys played one of the best games they’ve ever played, and their competition was tough. Boy, was it a nail-biter! It was actually a bit stressful to watch. Anytime a mistake was made, there were gasps because we knew every move mattered, and every play counted. It was a very tight, close game. My husband, Eric, is one of the assistant coaches. At one point nearing the end of the game I asked Eric, “Are you nervous?” His reply kind of surprised me (especially since he’s such a competitive spirit!). He said, “No. It really doesn’t matter if they win or lose. Either way, I’m already really proud of them. They’ve played a great game. I couldn’t ask for more.” My friend sitting next to me leaned over and said “Good answer!” Eric knew that losing wouldn’t make them losers.
In the end, our boys did end up winning. 🙂 The final score was 5-4. Ball caps were flying in the air. Parents were jumping out of the stands. It was very exciting. However, I remembered my husband saying “it really doesn’t matter if they win or lose”, and even though they won, I completely agreed. We were all so proud of how they played the game. Even if they lost, I think it still would have been a win in a way. Winning is good but maybe losing is sometimes okay too. You see, not everybody who loses is a loser. Sometimes it’s the game or the process, not the outcome, that matters. Sometimes we learn more in losing. Sometimes a win is disguised as a loss.
Tracy-HS Junior/Senior Cheer
It reminds me of times in my life where I experienced losing, but in the end it was really a win. I can think of examples throughout my life where this has proven to be true. I remember trying out for the cheerleading squad when I was in junior high. I didn’t make the cut. I was devastated about losing, and I felt like a loser. I will never forget something that happened that day though. One of the high school cheerleaders that was helping out at try-outs (I think her name was Melissa) came up to me after the winners were announced (she saw me crying). She told me that she thought that I did great and that I shouldn’t lose heart and give up. She told me that she too tried out and didn’t make it in junior high, but she kept working hard and never gave up. Eventually she made the high school cheer squad and was well-respected among her peers. Her encouragement really brightened my day and gave me hope. I tried out the next year. Again, I didn’t make the cut, but I didn’t give up. My freshman year I finally made the team. I cheered each year thereafter, and I was chosen as Captain of the squad during both my junior and senior years.
I think losing that first time was actually a win for me in hindsight. I developed character traits and qualities that are engrained in me today that not only help me in life but also in my walk with God. Persistence, perseverance, patience and a hard work ethic continue to serve me well. I’m so thankful to Melissa for encouraging me to never give up. This was another lesson learned from losing—encouragement. I now love to encourage others to never give up because that kind encouragement once given to me made such a big impact.
“So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” Galatians 6:9 (NLT)
I’ve also had many other examples of wins that came from losing. To name a few:
- I also tried out for the cheer team in college and didn’t make it. In hindsight I was very thankful because it would have significantly limited my time and involvement in other activities and in my friendships. Losing enabled me to do other things I actually enjoyed more.
- I wasn’t selected for several positions for which I applied and interviewed over the years. Once I even ended up training the person who was selected instead of me! This was definitely very humbling. Quite honestly, I don’t think I would have been happy in the position either due to all of the responsibility and problems that my director had to deal with. They definitely selected the right person. Losing taught me humility.
- I didn’t get a promotion that would have enabled me to afford childcare for 2 kids when my daughter was born. Instead, I became a stay-at-home mom and later a part-time college professor. I’ve never looked back. I jokingly say that you couldn’t pay me enough now to go back. Crazy enough, I’ve actually been more blessed both emotionally and financially by not getting the promotion and having to quit my job. Losing caused me to be even more blessed than before and definitely helped me to be more happy, healthy and prosperous!
I could go on with examples of how I won from losing…from a writing contest to a car accident to almost giving up on my marriage (which I obviously didn’t—thanks to God). I’ve learned that even in marriage sometimes staying seems like losing. When in reality losing Eric or my marriage would NOT have been a win at all. We are so much better and stronger than we’ve ever been in spite of problems and sometimes even because of them. God used what the devil meant for harm as a catalyst to grow us and make us stronger!
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Genesis 50:20 (NIV)
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28 (NLT)
Take Some Practical Steps to Remind You That Losing Doesn’t Make You a Loser:
- Think about what losing has taught you. What life lessons have you learned through loss? How have they made you a better person?
- Think back on times in your life where losing may have actually been winning. Make a mental note of these times or even write them in a journal. Refer to these as a reminder in times when it seems like you’re in a losing situation.
- Become an encourager. Encourage yourself and encourage others to never give up. Realize the impact that encouragement can have on your future success and in the lives of others.
“And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.” 1 Samuel 30:6 (KJV)
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV)
Next week…
In Why Losing Doesn’t Make You a Loser—Part 2, I’ll share some examples from the bible of winning from losing, and I will share some more practical steps that have helped me to realize that losing doesn’t make you a loser and how not to lose hope.
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